TLEE, thanks for following. I am sorry about the downturn in your sitch. Honestly I feel like there should be a disclaimer in these boards that turn arounds are rare. It is so easy to get hopes up around messy heads.
V, thanks for keeping me on point.
In other good news, my IC will see me for nearly free until I'm employed again.
Mid 30's Psych-abusive M with violent tantrums from XH D 9/15; NC forever on
Z, I'm sorry I haven't been posting on your thread of late. You've been dealing with some different stuff to me and I've not felt able to add much. That and every time I am here I get Cold War Kids stuck in my head (too, too, too many times).
H 37 Me 36 Together 15 years Married 5 years No kids BD Apr 2014 H moved out 2 Jun 2014
TLEE, thanks for following. I am sorry about the downturn in your sitch. Honestly I feel like there should be a disclaimer in these boards that turn arounds are rare. It is so easy to get hopes up around messy heads.
This is true It always bothered me that there were so many people with marriages that didn't work out compared to the few that did on these forums. Made me question if DB was the right way to go.
I've come to realize its just the nature of this process, when things get this bad for us the chance of it surviving is slim. DB'ing just allows us to up those odds some, which is the best we can do in this situation.
It has the added benefit of saving ourselves and making quality life changes. Which in many ways is more important.
Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be
Today I find myself wondering despite my H's 'tools' and manipulation - who I was. Was I the ultra critical, unsympathetic angry person I thought I found when I started DR? Was I enabling and supporting his dependency and becoming a bigger doormat, normalizing the abuse and playing word salad for years, as I think now? Was I so miserable to be with, that he fell out of love with me - and was so suddenly cold and cruel the week his check arrived? How could I have inspired so much hatred in him?
And he still has not signed his papers.
Mid 30's Psych-abusive M with violent tantrums from XH D 9/15; NC forever on
The dynamics of M are complicated, even if you were some of those things it doesn't make the breakdown of M entirely your fault or his. When we act/react a certain way to our spouses it causes them to then react. That reaction gets another reaction from us and it spirals out of control, back and forth. This may happen over years and years with neither spouse realizing its happening. No matter what you were, or what he was, both individuals were responsible for the M and how it ended. The more important part is that your looking inside yourself and realizing how you can change. Some people blame the other and never accept their role, which is a major issue and will only cause their future relationships problems.
My W's divorce papers are shoved in the back seat of our car scattered around, a couple of the papers are even on the floor crumpled up. She has no motivation now to file them. Shes justified her interactions with OM due to us being done. The paperwork is just a technicality right now that she cares not to deal with. For the time being anyway. I still don't believe she could mentally deal with the process right now anyway. She couldn't even handle reading over a simple document explaining after school child care for our D.
Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be
I asked him today via text why he hadn't signed, after he'd contacted me to pick up things. Strange reply - thanks for interrupting me." Again, I asked him if he intended to sign. "Of course, why do you care?"
Word on the street is he's proudly saying he's spending his free time gambling a lot and is 30 pounds heavier.
I responded that we didn't need to drag this out and he could sign by the end of the week. Stayed above the baiting, I believe.
Mid 30's Psych-abusive M with violent tantrums from XH D 9/15; NC forever on
It always bothered me that there were so many people with marriages that didn't work out compared to the few that did on these forums. Made me question if DB was the right way to go.