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A Message from Michele
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Re: What's going well? [Re: minkerman] #2374128
08/06/13 10:33 PM
08/06/13 10:33 PM
Joined: Jul 2013
Posts: 86
NC, USA
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Confluences Offline
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Confluences  Offline
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Joined: Jul 2013
Posts: 86
NC, USA
Your signature sums up the objective from a guy's perspective.


Me: 42 WAW: 37 Kids: 0
Separated: 06APR13
M:7 Years, T:10 years
WAW states she wants to "move on": 01JUL13
"Courage is the standing army of the soul which keeps it from conquest, pillage, & slavery."
Re: What's going well? [Re: LolaL] #2377543
08/19/13 12:44 PM
08/19/13 12:44 PM
Joined: Aug 2013
Posts: 6
Maine
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KattK Offline
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KattK  Offline
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Joined: Aug 2013
Posts: 6
Maine
Thank you for posting this information. It's something I had not thought of to try. I find it incredibly difficult to detach. Having children together it makes it almost impossible anyway, but beyond that I still want to share everything with him, tell him what we've been doing, what projects around the house I've finished,... anything and everything we used to share I still feel almost compelled to tell him. I'll try and change my viewpoint from this point forward and look at everything from the outside looking in. The last think I want to do is push him further away, I seem to be my own worst enemy by not being able to detach, so your post was very helpful, giving me a new tool to put in place.


There is no pain, you are receding
A distant ship smoke on the horizon
You are only coming through in waves
Your lips move but I can't hear what you're saying

I have become comfortably numb
Re: What's going well? [Re: KattK] #2413973
12/12/13 06:01 PM
12/12/13 06:01 PM
Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 76
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dxw689 Offline
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dxw689  Offline
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Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 76
I am having the same trouble KattK: Husband just left me last weeks, two children still at home with me, but see him often. I am having difficulty detaching - especially at work: this thread is helpful to know some people have made it through.


M 20 yrs
me 47
H 51
s11
d8

BD 10/8/13
H Moved out 11/30/13
OW slept over with children Dec '13
OW moved in w/H Jan '14
Re: What's going well? [Re: dxw689] #2431254
02/15/14 06:50 PM
02/15/14 06:50 PM
Joined: Feb 2014
Posts: 343
GA
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Bunches Offline
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Bunches  Offline
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Joined: Feb 2014
Posts: 343
GA
Are there cases in which detaching is a bad idea? I've not been at it for more than a month but one of the main problems my W had with me was distance in our relationship and a lack of expressing love.


M: 36 W: 31
Married 9 yrs.
T: 11 yrs.
Son 8 yrs. (w/ Autism)
Bomb Drop 10/22/13
Divorce final 6/15
Re: What's going well? [Re: sgctxok] #2487235
09/11/14 06:59 AM
09/11/14 06:59 AM
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 23
Alberta
A
amacin Offline
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amacin  Offline
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Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 23
Alberta
LolaL Thank you for your post. It hit home in so many ways for me.

I'm not sure if H and I will work things out either but just like you I am learning that no matter what I will be ok. But it really does help to know that other people are in the same boat.

I hope things are going well for you.


amacin
T - 12 years M - 8 years
S 7 D 3
DB - 07-10-14
WAS \ ILYBNILWY \ MLC
Re: What's going well? [Re: minkerman] #2488419
09/14/14 10:00 PM
09/14/14 10:00 PM
Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 44
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hope224 Offline
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Joined: Jul 2014
Posts: 44
Makes me hopeful. I wish they're was a like button so I could like things that were inspirational.


Me:27 H:26
T:3 M:1.5
D 6 months
D bomb: 6/21/14
I Moved out 9/7/14
Re: What's going well? [Re: hope224] #2540452
02/20/15 01:08 PM
02/20/15 01:08 PM
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 56
Arizona
S
Swabby Offline
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Swabby  Offline
Member
S
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 56
Arizona
I have to say, these posts definitely help!

I'm only 3 weeks into this great divide, but the marriage has been rocky for years.

The resiliency of everyone here gives me strength to power on!

I've just recently finished DR, have listened to Michelle's audio tapes, watched her video, and I'm trying to incorporate all I'm learning into my LRT.

Thanks to everyone for the great stories and experiences, it really does help!


M: 10 years, T: 12 years
Me: 41, WAW: 38
SS:19, D:18, SD:7
Re: What's going well? [Re: arianne123] #2563406
05/02/15 04:53 AM
05/02/15 04:53 AM
Joined: Feb 2004
Posts: 23
IL
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Paula1 Offline
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Paula1  Offline
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Joined: Feb 2004
Posts: 23
IL
I can completely relate. My H of almost 24 years (June 1)moved out the day after Valentines Day. We have been together for 31 years total. This is our second separation. Our first was in 2004 and we reconciled shortly after he moved out (though that time he was having an affair). I am not sure if he is this time, although he is fighting the same demons and his behavior is very similar to the first time we suffered this MLC. I can't believe we are going through it again-- 10 years later- although I suppose he never truly got through all the stages and since he turned 50, he seems to recall only how different we are and how much he doesn't love me. It is really hard to detach because he wants to meet twice a week to "talk". I try validating him, though sometimes I feel he wants to talk to upset me, make me cry and then just sit there without expression-- almost narcissistic. It is very frustrating. My C feels I should just not meet with him, but it is hard to say "no" when I so desperately want to help him.

Re: What's going well? [Re: Paula1] #2631813
12/15/15 04:12 PM
12/15/15 04:12 PM
Joined: Dec 2015
Posts: 13
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Stand4U Offline
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Stand4U  Offline
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Joined: Dec 2015
Posts: 13
My issue is I have been doing really well GAL and working on myself. It's been about 6 weeks since she moved out. I have not initiated contact with her much however she sends me messages almost daily. I try to keep my responses short and sweet but sometimes it's hard.

It's like I know she see's I am doing well and it's making her want to reconnect however I don't want to jump the gun in allowing her to come back because I know she is not ready.


M:6 Years
W: 40
M: 35
Same Sex Couple
4 Children

BD: April 2015
PA with O/M: April 2015
Moved Out: November 2015
Re: What's going well? [Re: sgctxok] #2671136
04/23/16 12:19 PM
04/23/16 12:19 PM
Joined: Apr 2016
Posts: 20
Oregon
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ReNewed Offline
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ReNewed  Offline
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Joined: Apr 2016
Posts: 20
Oregon
It's been 2.5 mo since h walked out. I don't konw whats working or how to tell bc h rarely initiates any contact except to set up mediator meeting to talk about assets and "moving forward". He agreed and we met with a priest, but all he did was rationalize why he left and lie/rewrite history. As priest noted he was all walls, maybe hiding something, pain. But no real honest open communication. No emotion. And has tried to hurry everything as"efficiently and amicably as possible" moving forward fast as possible. He said at last meeting he's not there to Reconcile and no "glimmer of hope ". Trying not to be crushed by that.

So aside from trying not to be super depressed, which I sturrgled with sometimes and he resented, gal and all that, how do I know anything I'm doing is working ? I've stopped contacting him. I haven't texted him anything in over a month. Only communication since meeting three weeks ago w priest was to confirm meeting time with mediator re assets. Didnt reach out on his birthday this week bc thought that might be good strategy though was hard.

He said stuff about his baggage but otherwise talks about having new friends working hard at new dream job on top of old one sleeping great etc. it kills me as I am in survival mode and nightmares every night.


Trying to hope and turn to God
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