Swipe I'm in a situation where there is no affair either- but the distance and coldness is so severe there might as well be.
You've made some mistakes, yes. But all you can do is pick yourself up and learn from them.
Keep detaching. Act as if she is a friendly neighbor (which in your case...)
I have to echo Sandi. Have you read DR? That should be priority number 1. Bookstore. Library. Read it. You will feel better and you'll have more of a solid plan.
This all seems to be going so FAST. My advice is to relax and be patient. You can't solve in a few days what took years to do. So give space. But not to spite her. Give space so you can go out and do things for YOU. it sounds like your energy is all focused on the W. I'd recommend to take some time to really focus your energy on yourself and the kid(s?). Your end goal can certainly be reconciliation, but I don't think that's the point you should be aiming at...yet.
I asked our forum admin Virginia and this was the response
Quote:
Unfortunately, we do not offer downloadable versions of Divorce Busting nor The Divorce Remedy. Hopefully that will change one day in the not-to-distant future. I'll be sure to let you know when it does.
So you will need to find another way to read it for now.
If anyone else has another method please let me know.
Swipe I'm in a situation where there is no affair either- but the distance and coldness is so severe there might as well be.
You've made some mistakes, yes. But all you can do is pick yourself up and learn from them.
Keep detaching. Act as if she is a friendly neighbor (which in your case...)
Hello Swipe,
RealMe might as well be Me writing his last post. No OM, but the distance and coldness is so severe there might as well be. My wife claims I smothered her and she wants her life back. Nobody familiar with the situation (my therapist especially) believes I smothered her, but that is her perception. My therapist also believes she is projecting her severe illness (MS) onto me. Who knows? But, thanks to the wonderful people on these boards I have backed way off and I'm continuing to work on things I know I need to improve on.
I wish you well.
Bob
Me:55 yrs/W:51 yrs (has MS) M:14 yrs T:15 yrs No children together--3 each from previous marriages Wife Moved Out: 10/19/14 Wife Filed for Divorce: 10/20/14 Divorce Final: 10/21/15
Just keep POSTING and one other bit of advice from Wonka that I totally agree with.
Originally Posted By: Wonka
Get DR/DB book. Keep this to yourself. DO NOT share this book or this site at all with your spouse. It is your playbook and not to be shared with the "opposing" team.
It is important to clear the search/browsing history from your computer on a daily basis to prevent the possibility for your WAS to stumble on the DB site and discover your posts here on DB. Erasing the search history will protect your posts and you as well.
We have seen too many Marriages blow up in pieces after the WAS discovers the DB site or DR book. Why is that? It is because the WAS thinks, erroneously I might add, that you are "manipulating" them back into the M.
Keep the DR book and DB site very close to your vest.
Swipe, what kinds of things do you like to do??? Start doing them and have that PMA at all times around her. Keep it up. We're all on here to help you!
M 46 / H 43 T 24/M 18 S 4 11/6/2014 ILYBNILWY 1/16/2015 Living in separate bedroom 1/8/2016 H moved out
for some odd reason I'm assuming that the detaching thing Is much harder for men than women. I play it over in my head and tell my self "be patient cool calm and detach." But seems that doing and thinking arent in my favor lol.So she says to me today "lets take it one day at a time and see where it goes" and she also said "just let it be and let things work them self out." Now in my mind this is the perfect time for me to detach and man up and put all my determination into the 180s with no quit. I Guess I'm just so used to controlling every situation im in so much pain And anger that I can't control this one and it's driving me up the walls.
You have to GAL! It will take your mind off of your sitch for a bit which then gives you a clearer mind. Trust me, it helps. If you read through my sitch you will see that I have a hard time detaching too. It can be done though, even through backslides.
I'm rooting for you!
M 46 / H 43 T 24/M 18 S 4 11/6/2014 ILYBNILWY 1/16/2015 Living in separate bedroom 1/8/2016 H moved out
