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A Message from Michele
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Re: Married young, W had affair w/ coworker Pt. 3 [Re: Jefe] #2551453
03/26/15 10:05 PM
03/26/15 10:05 PM
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 177
U
UpperCu Offline OP
Member
UpperCu  Offline OP
Member
U
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 177
Hey Jefe - things are good for me. Going back to school in May for my masters degree. Had a fun weekend out of town last week and have a full schedule as far as I can plan! Life is moving on...

Actually talked to my MIL for an hour today. She said she was praying for me and W and was asking for my thoughts on everything. I guess W won't talk to her parents much because she doesn't like what they have to say. W is still living near and working with OM as far as I'm aware. She finally signed the separation agreement so what's mine is legally mine now and there shouldn't be any more business and money drama.

Some guys are coming over tonight to hang out. We're starting a new small group to disciple each other. I've had opportunities to share my faith and talk with a lot of people as a result of my sitch that I probably never would have interacted with otherwise. God is sovereign and I see that he has a lot planned!

I hope you're doing well. I'll try to drop by your thread later tonight to see how you're doing.


UpperCut
Me: 28 W: 25
Married: 4 yrs Together: 7 yrs
Dday: 9/14 (W ends affair & comes home)
S: 12/14 (W restarted affair 1/15; moved near OM 2/15)
No kids
Re: Married young, W had affair w/ coworker Pt. 3 [Re: UpperCu] #2553060
04/01/15 05:52 AM
04/01/15 05:52 AM
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 1,104
Dallas, TX
J
Jefe Offline
Member
Jefe  Offline
Member
J
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 1,104
Dallas, TX
Originally Posted By: UpperCu
Some guys are coming over tonight to hang out. We're starting a new small group to disciple each other. I've had opportunities to share my faith and talk with a lot of people as a result of my sitch that I probably never would have interacted with otherwise. God is sovereign and I see that he has a lot planned!


I like that! Good stuff, man.

I will continue to pray for you as well.

God speed, UC.


Me 47 - W 35
M 9 - T 10
2 Daughters - 7 & 9
Discovery of EA- 8/4/14
S - 8/5/15
D mentioned - 9/11/14
R & Piecing - 3/17/15
Regard one another as more important than yourselves.
- Philippians 2:3
Re: Married young, W had affair w/ coworker Pt. 3 [Re: Jefe] #2559514
04/21/15 01:42 PM
04/21/15 01:42 PM
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 177
U
UpperCu Offline OP
Member
UpperCu  Offline OP
Member
U
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 177
I'm 7 months in and although things are getting better, there are still many ups and downs. It seems I can go a week or two without thinking about W and the A, but then it all flashes back to the front of my mind and all the pain, hurt, jealousy, sadness is fresh all over again. Knowing she is still practically living with him makes me feel awful for the shred of desire left to be with her. How could I want her when she hurt me so deeply and continues on that path? It makes me disgusted in myself and her. It's so difficult and confusing. I want to have hope, but it's taxing my mental and emotional health to even think about it all.

I'm looking forward to starting school as that will be another distraction from my broken marriage, but afraid at the same time because I feel like I need a real heart change to get past this. I feel like I've moved forward a great deal, but then at times it feels like I'm still the same person inside as I was on DDay.

I have doubts about how I treated her harshly with firm boundaries, as my mind mixes together the good memories of her with how she is now. But then my thoughts run full circle as I recall the vicious and blatant lies she kept telling me, and I'm confident I would have taken the same course of action and set firm boundaries if I had lived through it all again. Although she was my wife before the affair, and was deserving of love and cherishing, after the affair I was not dealing with the same person, and have had to protect myself.

I'm trusting God to get me through each day. It's just that for me now; a daily battle. I'm thankful for the people and support I've received thus far on this board and in my life. I'm praying for a hint of light in the darkness as I haven't seen it yet.


UpperCut
Me: 28 W: 25
Married: 4 yrs Together: 7 yrs
Dday: 9/14 (W ends affair & comes home)
S: 12/14 (W restarted affair 1/15; moved near OM 2/15)
No kids
Re: Married young, W had affair w/ coworker Pt. 3 [Re: UpperCu] #2566384
05/10/15 10:52 PM
05/10/15 10:52 PM
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 177
U
UpperCu Offline OP
Member
UpperCu  Offline OP
Member
U
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 177
In my study of the bible in the last few weeks, I've been brought back to the story of how God punishes and yet still loves Israel. From the book of Amos where the image is painted of how God's rage burns against wickedness, to Jeremeiah 31 where he calls Israel his bride and promises to make a new covenant and remember their sin no more. I've been convicted then, to follow the command in Ephesians 5, to love my wife like Christ loved the church, and gave himself up for her (while she was sinful and undeserving). Truly God has worked on my heart through my sitch as I come to realize the beauty of what he has done for me, and as he calls me, although it is received with difficulty, to be conformed to act like he has. My prayer for W today is that God will soften her heart and grant her repentance. I trust in faith, that God's work on the cross was sufficient and powerful enough to accomplish what is described in James 5:19-20 - that W might be saved from her wandering. I pray too that God would give me the ability to "remember her sin no more" the same way he has forgiven our sins.


UpperCut
Me: 28 W: 25
Married: 4 yrs Together: 7 yrs
Dday: 9/14 (W ends affair & comes home)
S: 12/14 (W restarted affair 1/15; moved near OM 2/15)
No kids
Re: Married young, W had affair w/ coworker Pt. 3 [Re: UpperCu] #2575975
06/07/15 10:40 PM
06/07/15 10:40 PM
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 177
U
UpperCu Offline OP
Member
UpperCu  Offline OP
Member
U
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 177
It's been about a month since I've posted and not much has changed. I've been busy with work and I've gone back to school for an advanced degree. Been working on stuff around the house & getting furniture/decorations the way I want them (can't have all that girly stuff W picked out as a single guy haha). I've been getting out often, been involved in church, and have met a lot of new people.

I haven't interacted with W in any way in over 2 months. D is contingent on 1 year of S in my state, so it just seems like the clock is counting down until that date.

I still think about W and pray for her a few times each week, although I've begun to move on and I am not counting on that outcome. I'm trusting that God has a plan although I am not sure what that is at this point, I know he is faithful.


UpperCut
Me: 28 W: 25
Married: 4 yrs Together: 7 yrs
Dday: 9/14 (W ends affair & comes home)
S: 12/14 (W restarted affair 1/15; moved near OM 2/15)
No kids
Re: Married young, W had affair w/ coworker Pt. 3 [Re: UpperCu] #2576011
06/08/15 02:12 AM
06/08/15 02:12 AM
Joined: Mar 2014
Posts: 786
T
twinmom Offline
Member
twinmom  Offline
Member
T
Joined: Mar 2014
Posts: 786
I'm glad to see you update. I've wondered how you were doing. Happy to see you have lots of positives in your life.


Me: 35 husband:39
Sons 16 and 11 from my first marriage
Twins 5 (boy/girl)
Daughter 3
Affair bomb 2/27/14
He moved in with ow 3/13/14
OW kicked him out 6/15/14
4/2016 he seeks help for sexual addiction



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