MY STORY IS UGLY BUT AT LEAST IM LEARNING

[parker7]

Mr Bond:
Do you believe I should be detaching, following Sandis rules, GALing, giving lots of space and distance, yet doing things to help rebuild her trust in me?

[MrBond]

Give her space and start rebuilding trust in her little at a time. What were the things she liked about you? Bring out some of those aspects here and there.

[parker7]

I do not think she is even paying attention.
But I will try regardless.

[parker7]

It is a lot tougher detaching than I thought.
It's also hard to know that the A is going on and because of my sitch I do not dare say/do anything about it.
It's equally hard finding a way to do things to rebuild her trust in me and re establish a connection or at minimum a friendship when she is so disconnected from me and distracted.
I'm going to keep trying!

[Fogg]

I feel for you parker, your situation really is complicated. I hope you can find some peace with whatever happens and are able to work hard to make quality changes in yourself. That is whats most important, that we use this experience in a way that creates a better us on the other side. Whatever happens keep making parker a better parker. W might not appreciate it but you will in the long run.

Also, you should be able to update your signature now. Just find a thread and mimic what others have, it helps readers get a picture of your situation right away.

[MrBond]

"I do not think she is even paying attention"

Mindreading. Besides, you're not doing it for her. You're doing it for you. She deserves your trust even if she doesn't want it. You don't push it.

"It's also hard to know that the A is going on and because of my sitch I do not dare say/do anything about it. "

Again, how about you stop thinking about it as an A. That is so hypocritical of you given the circumstances. She's getting respect from a loving man that you were not able to do. Get over it. If you don't, you're going to keep seeing it as an A and, in turn, that's a form of control.

It's perfectly fine for you to carrying on A's FOR YEARS, but not okay for your W to be with someone who respects her.

[parker7]

Mr Bond

Great insight. Thank you.

[parker7]

Fogg:

You are right. The change in me is what I have to keep focused on and to keep respecting her and caring for her even if she files and moves on. I cannot control her any longer.

[parker7]

Had a great weekend with the family. Went to church, had pleasant convo with W and even shared some laughs and a drink. Cleaned the house together. Being respectful, patient, and doing what I can to earn some trust back. Still detaching, pulling way back, giving space. Not worried about OM. Working on me, pouring love & time into son. More texts and in person communication being initiated by her as of late. Saw a roller coaster of emotions from her on Sunday from waking up annoyed and seemed standoffish to very kind and pleasant. I'll meet with therapist and pastoral council this week and she will meet with her pastoral council as well. Going to keep working hard on me and being kind, respectful to her from a distance. Any other advice?

[Sotto]

Hi Parker

I think that all sounds fine in respect of your W. And I think the really important thing is to keep up the work you have been doing yourself. If I were your W, I would want to see you really, truly digging deep and truly trying to understand and resolve the factors that led to your serial infidelity. And never wanting to go back there again. Acknowledging the great damage and hurt caused, and being genuinely remorseful.I think these would be the most important things for me..

Sounds as though things are going as well as can be expected though...:-)