I'm by no means a vet around here, but you can't make changes in yourself just based on what she asks if you. It comes across as hollow. You need to make the changes in yourself that YOU want to make. To be a better person and a better father. All you can do is hope that she will notice and decide that you will be a better husband. But you need to GAL for yourself so that you will come out of this stronger regardless of what happens with your W.
We went to marriage counseling a week ago where the counselor said we need 4 things for a good marriage and the only thing she said I wasnt on that list is best friends but in the week after she goes about her day without making any time for us to be together and acting as though she is annoyed that I am around. I just dont get it she says she wants the marriage but is doing practically nothing to bring us together.
My wife has a lot of anger and resentment from the past and she is used to living a seperate life because I worked 3-11 for the past 10 years. She is used to living the seperate life and wants to keep it this way but I do not. She states she cant give me what I want and she cant give me anymore in the marriage when I know what I want which is a closer marriage is what she wanted.
My wife has a lot of anger and resentment from the past and she is used to living a seperate life because I worked 3-11 for the past 10 years. She is used to living the seperate life and wants to keep it this way but I do not. She states she cant give me what I want and she cant give me anymore in the marriage when I know what I want which is a closer marriage is what she wanted.
So what are you changing about YOU that is not about the relationship?
I am putting more focus right now on my daughter and trying to do more things with friends and family. I have somewhat sheltered myself in the last 5 years since my daughter has been born and I am having a hard time kicking my social life into gear.
She states she cant give me what I want and she cant give me anymore in the marriage when I know what I want which is a closer marriage is what she wanted.
Gpol, I'd love to see you post more often and more content.
First question, have you read DR/DB?
Then, when I read this quote above, I wonder what you think she's referring to when she says she can't "give anymore"? The fact she doesn't want a closer M now is because she's decided you're either incapable of meeting her needs, or by that comment, she feels she'll never meet yours and you two aren't a fit. Can you explore that a bit more?
No quick answers here, so slow down, type a bit more, and lean on the forums. Take care.
Me:38 XW:38 T:11 years M:8 years Kids: S14, D11, D7 BD/Move out day: 6/17/14, D final Dec 15
She feels she cannot meet my needs because she is being pulled in a lot of different directions right now. We have been together for about 18 years and she feels she has been doing everything to make me happy in that time. About 3 years ago I said that I was unhappy in the marriage and ever since then she slowly built up confidence and waited untill she had enough to tell me she was unhappy. She told me that all she wanted in the past was for us to be closer and now that I want that she is angry and resentful about it. She says she is so used to living a seperate life and that is what she knows and wants to continue to do. She says that she thought she wanted me around more but when she got it she feels smothered so I am in kind of a catch 22 where do I keep doing the same as the past and give her all the space in the world. I work a lot of different shifts at work and she seems happier when I work 3-11 so we dont see each other that much and its a tough pill to swallow. I feel as though out roles have reversed and just like in DB/DR its as though an alien has taken my wife and gave me this woman I dont know.
