Greetings from Arusha, Tanzania, fellow DBers! Arrived here late last night sans luggage. I guess I proved my theory wrong - that packing a full set of clothes in your hand luggage guarantees that your checked luggage will actually show up. Anyways I did and it didn't, so I'm managing in the meantime. Hope it arrives soon!
Had a full day in the field. Just posted photos on my FB showing Maasai helping get our vehicle out of the mud. Today was a hoot!
H 37 Me 36 Together 15 years Married 5 years No kids BD Apr 2014 H moved out 2 Jun 2014
I haven't been around here but I have been thinking of you and hoped things were going well.
Sounds like you have had a bit of a downswing lately with this latest meetup. Do you want to know my take? Probably not haha but here goes:
- He's disappointed with the past and can't see positive in the future. No matter what you "say" he won't change his mind. It's in his head. - You pursued a little too much in the meetup, but I get it. You want answers and you want to convince him. - I fear this is one of those cases where you will get divorced and both move on and 10 years later he will tell you he made a mistake. But he won't realize it until he has a new relationship and the same thing happens again.
I think you have to live for yourself at this point. Decide what you want to do for you, "waiting" around for him isn't seeming to work. He's not seeming to understand anything new, and your rare communications aren't helping matters much. The only thing I can think is to send him an email and put it ALL out there in clear writing - exactly what you think you two can do to move on. He seems he is still running and putting his head in the sand.
That's just my 2cents. I'll write on my thread about my latest situation. Maybe that is clouding my vision of yours. But I truly hope you are doing well and having a good time on your trip, and that you get your luggage!!!
Gan, what an exciting life you lead! I hope your luggage turns up. I once flew to New York from Maine via Boston - but my luggage went on to Philadelphia. I was stranded without it for 24 hours.
I hope you have a good trip
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Hey Superstar! You wouldn't be an anthropologist girl would you? Just wondering...
I kind of agree with Lisa above. dR Is about checking in on results and doing something different if it's not effective, right? What do you have to lose at this point. Just don't beg but maybe it is a letter to send?
I am no one to give insight or advice right now but it's a thought.
Mid 30's Psych-abusive M with violent tantrums from XH D 9/15; NC forever on
Thanks for checking in guys. Been super busy here.
Lisa - will get back to you about the R. My head isn't in that space right now (detachment?)
Zelda - nope, not an anthropologist though thoroughly fascinated by culture (see below).
So the luggage arrived on Wednesday, as did the warm showers. Didn't make it into the field today because the road was flooded and we couldn't cross. But I've spent the week up close and personal with Maasai and their cattle. It's been fascinating on multiple levels.
Got me thinking a lot about the role of Western culture in our current situations. We interpret our experiences through our thoughts, feelings and emotions. I guess I assume most of these to be "biologically programmed" - chemical changes causing me to feel a certain way to a certain stimulus (e.g. relationship breakdown). But...our culture plays a huge role here. In Western cultures, marriage is between two people. We speak of "love" and "soul mates." An OW/OM entering the picture makes most of us feel physically sick to the stomach.
...versus a different cultural model:
Most of the Maasai men have multiple wives, all living as "neighbours" in the same "housing complex." The men have children with these different wives, and all the wives and children interact on a daily basis. Do they feel jealous at each other? Sad that they can't spend enough alone time with their H? Is there such a thing as an OW? I have no idea. BTW I learned that the going rate for a "good wife" these days is 10 cows. I'm guessing a wife only a fool would leave would go for 11-12.
Heading home tomorrow...will check in on everyone's threads when I get back. Hoping for good things!
H 37 Me 36 Together 15 years Married 5 years No kids BD Apr 2014 H moved out 2 Jun 2014
