OK, I lied. Today I decided to send AM a text. I'm not good at ignoring people or pretending that bad things did not happen. I told her my decision regarding our "friendship".I don't believe it's right to just leave things lying.
"Hi AM, thank you for respecting my request not to contact me. I have been thinking about what happened and have made some decisions. I still think of you as my Sister in Christ and will care for you in that way but I do not feel able to continue as friends, at least not for now. Sadly, I do not feel that I can trust you anymore. I'm sorry if that sounds harsh. Thank you for allowing me into your life as it did mean something to me. I'm just sorry that it turned into something difficult for both of us. See you on Sabbath."
Her reply "I hope you are well. A huge thx for the message. I appreciate it. You don't have to worry about seeing me again as I'm not returning to the church and I have quit my present position so may be working elsewhere. I will keep in touch with Rita and Agnes by phone or visiting them. Thanks again for everything."
My reply
"I"m glad to hear you're leaving that job. I'm sorry to hear you are leaving the church...I really am! If I don't see you again I wish you all the best and hope we can pray for each other. Ingat AM."
That's that...I guess. I'm tired...and sad...but whatis is.
Wow Kat, I did not see these feelings coming on...I can't stop bawling tonight. I guess what I can take from this is that I do have a place for someone in my life again. Before this I was alone and ok with it but when she came along and began filling that void I didn't realize existed it felt damn good! I wanted it. Knowing I will probably never see her again...even if she is nuts, just broke me down tonight. Wow again. I just don't get why she did what she did...I don't get it and it's caused us both a lot of pain. Lesson 2 When a woman gives you her phone number...throw it away lol.
Wii, I don't what "ended" it, but I do know that people come into our lives for a reason. Were you ok before, sure but I think you ignored that little hole in your life. You got to know her better and you let her in even if she wasn't really letting you in.
She let you know that you are ready to love again. Maybe you won't need to work so hard to just get the flame going the next time. Maybe you should date a British girl next time. I say that because that is part of your heritage and maybe there won't be so many crossed signals. Aaahh you love who you love,what doi know?
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
Remember here, she was the one approaching me, offering me her phone number "in case of emergencies ha ha ha", telling me she didn't want to be alone on Friday night, crying on my shoulder...and Sunday I find out that the guy she's been telling me is "just a nice friend" is her long term boyfriend! She lied to me and to my friend Agnes too...she didn't just leave stuff out...she lied.
First off - I'm sorry for the pain & loss you are feeling. I know the last thing you want is advice. But I'm going to give some anyway. Because I don't think you would be putting it all out there for nothing. I've said it before & I will say it again. Dating outside of your culture is different. You have experienced it time & time again. The confusion, the mixed signals. You write it off as "their way" but some of is not that. She was hesitant from the very beginning. She told you she had secrets. She seemed to want a friend. There were so many similarities here to MM (I think it was her but they are melding together right now in my mind). The distaste for the employers. The life she left behind in the Phillipines. The need for. "rescuer" of sorts. Each of the relationships (I think there were 3) started out with a lot of mixed signals, a lot of "different" dating roles (different from our culture) & much confusion for you. The sad part here is that she has now lost her church & group of friends. I'm not sure exactly what happened because you've left out chunks of the story but it is clear that she has a life in the Phillipines that she plans to return to. My suggestion at this point as you want to fill the void in your life is to be very clear on what you want. Do you WANT to take on someone else's children? Even if they are thousands of miles away - they will eventually be part of the picture or else part of a woman's emotional baggage. This one stated she wanted to adopt. How did that make you feel? Did you want to eventually be part of that? If not - you should have ended it then. I urge you to try dating someone with a similar background to your own. I think you have it in your head that it would not work but there are thousands of single women out there and I'm sure the right one for you is among them. Maybe you can take a class - photography, perhaps? Where you can meet women of diverse cultures - not just Adventists. Time to take stock of your dating from the last 3 years or so.Try not to repeat the same things that have caused you grief. Mainly - misreading signals & trying to build from there. I'm not trying to beat you up here when you are down but repeating the same patterns is not working and I hope you can see this better now while it is still fresh. Short term pain for long term gain. Incidentally - I cried harder & more intensely when my short term Rebound relationship ended than when my marriage broke up. I, too, had read far more into it than was actually there. I think I grieved most for "what could have been" than for what I was actually losing. Can you relate? I also recovered quickly, too, when I out it all into perspective. Feel better, my friend. There is someone out there who will love you as you deserve. Keep on, keeping on,
Thanks Barb...I just haven't had time to even process this yet and therefore advice just doesn't register. Feeling somewhat better today...had a nice long talk with my Pastor. It helped.
I wont give u advice either (not). We in the helping profession hate it. But im sorry you went through this. I dont know why what happened to us happened. Inlike to think there was a purpose. And you dont need an answer today or even tomorrow. i am very much like u. Always ending a painful experience with a joke or a smart ass remark or a LOL. I am still growing and learning.
What she did was not ok and u deserve better.
M 53 D 20 Separated 6/22/11 moved out 10/24 Together 26 yrs Married 16 W Filed for D 7/21/11 Served 9/6/11 D final 8/28/12
“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”
