It's strange when you think you are putting your all in the relationship than you get kicked in the stomach and your life takes a 360 over night. I have fears of things I do also and wonder how it's going to affect my wifes feelings toward me. I k ow we cannot think this way.
I'm really sorry for you and the heartbreak you're going through. I'm glad you're posting here, as I think it's good to get advice from vets and people that have dealt with exactly the same thing you're going through.
I'm new to this and finally catching on... but SOOOOO much to learn. I've never been one to listen to other people's drama, always more concerned with myself. With each story I read, I feel so much more empathetic in almost every aspect of my life. One of my 180's is to listen to people and empathize more (Not just my W). I've been finding this site extremely helpful (if not addictive), and sad that this is so common. Before finding DB, I thought I was the only one who was going through what I'm going through.
I really appreciate you detailing your struggles.
M: 8 years, together 9 M: 41 W: 32 D 4, S 6 ILYBINILWY 2/10/15 2/14/15-2/22/15 Left home 4/5/15 Suspect A, Initiated Sandi's advice from WW thread 4/19/15 W asked for D
I truly believe it's hard if you are in the home with them or seperated when they are wayward. I never realized how many husbands go through this. I am glad for you if I understood you were home with your wife. I hope she does not stay distant. I think when they first emotionaly withdraw it's painful but only gets worse with all that follows. I do remember my wife saying hints to me that I ignored in mid January after I move. It's amazing how you know what to do, but have hard time applying what you know.
As I hae dropped the rope, the communication is down to zero. We communicate now via spread sheet. That is beyond sad but it is what it is. I have realized I am a single Mom not a Co Parent as has been suggested. We do nothing together as a "family" and I can't even bear the though of that right now. We are not a family and I am at a loss how to resolve that. I guess my family now is the three of us (me and my two kids).
I hae signed S9 up for Boyscouts and will try to immerse myelf in his activities and my D6's activities in her GirlScouts. This Fall will bring Soccer for both kids which hopefully will be fun for them and me as well.
My PMA this week has been low since my medical procedure Monday. The one polyp that was removed was found to be benign which was a relief. My L deadline is tomorrow and I am nervous about impending outcome. Whatever it is, I will deal with it as a calm centered adult and make the best of the reality I am dealing with.
My GAL activities have suffered too so I need to get something cooking. I did go to my Divorce Support group at my local church and it was helpful to know that there are lots of other people in my situation and in worse situations.
I have kids starting on Friday, and then off to amusement park and spend the night at a hotel with a pool. Kids will be thrilled. I don't want to be the kind of Mom that wows them with special things and spoil them, but for the weekends, maybe just a little. During the week it's all homework and supper and not much else.
As always thanks for listening and giving out positive advice and vibes during the worst times of most of our lives.
Wow. You're clearly struggling now and I feel for you. Wish I could take you out for a girls only weekend and just shoot the breeze.
Sometimes the unknowns are the hardest to sit tight through....all we can do is sit and wait.
As for taking the kiddos to a hotel pool, hey! nothing wrong with that. At that age, they will have life-long memories of it. I do still recall going to the community pool with my cousins very fondly.
You're a good mom and a real good person. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
Why do yiu think I am struggling? I'm doing ok - tuning out negative chit and just waiting it out. I will know tomorrow what the situation is with the house - hope it goes my way (of course). L will let me know.
Disney is Saturday with a friend and her son. My d6 and I are tagging along for the fun. I also got us a hotel room within walking distance to the park! That's a huge money saver.
So the way I see it I am learning to be more independent, doing things for myself, feeling supported by my divorce group and doing things with friends.
Called about my D6 being sick at school yesterday. I found out about it after the fact and was talking with her about it and didn't get much of a straight answer. I asked "Did you throw up" "Did you have a fever" "Did you fall down" and just didn't get an answer.
I called later that evening and the WAW started spewing "I already told you on the email what the problem was... etc..." She was pretty angry with her responses so I made a quick and polite "well thank you for clearing that up - talk to you later" and hung up. I didn't have my spew jacket on and just didn't want to hear it. The best way to deal with fire is take away the oxygen.
No news from L - today is the deadline. WAITING is the harded part. Please keep fingers crossed for me.
At that age, they will have life-long memories of it. I do still recall going to the community pool with my cousins very fondly.