I suppose everyone is right, it was mindreading which is pointless and is a cheeseless tunnel. Who knew a couple of post cards could trigger these emotions!
You are right TO324 and Mozza. I will not get any validation from her about what my feelings or emotions are. She is oblivious and/or happy to heap salt in my wounds. She just refuses to acknolwedge my pain and acts angry if she see's any. She can't understand "why I am so upset". She has told me that several times.
How strange it is to have someone profess their undying love and then just walk away from it like it was nothing, or maybe just a dream.
It does no good to ruminate on why they did it. Bottom line is they did, and that is thier choice and we just are left to watch it all fall apart.
No GAL this weekend, I am prepping for a medical test so I had to lie low and not eat for a whole day. This is her week with the kids so the house is quiet. Maybe that is why I filled with these questions.
Tomorrow is another day, let's see what GAL I can get into. :-)
1). I feel better about myself and my self esteem has risen
2). I realize I am not responsible to make my WW happy - that is her responsbility
3). I admit to being codependent and took on too much trying to make everyone happy, which is a recipie in futility
4). I was more invested in the "marriage" than the relationship which ultimately led to the partial demise of the marriage
Since my WW wife has left I have learned to:
1. Get a Life - trying lots ot new activities, it is still hard but I can and am doing it.
2. Keep a PMA - some days better than others but a smile goes a long way
3. Give my WW wife a lot of space, I don't call, text or contact unless it's about the kids. I don't guilt trip her when I do talk to her, I have learned to validate and STFU hen necessary.
4. I have learned to keep upbeat when in her presence or in the presence of mutual friends.
5. I have made friends outside of our marriage circle and have rounded up a possee to help me when I need it.
6. get help - counselor, shrink and medications, Divoce Busting so I don't have to go through this awful experience unsupported.
7. I am not afraid of rocking the boat or incurring the wrath of WW. I have hired a lawyer and am working hard to protect my rights and the best interests of my children.
8. I can only control ME - I can't control anybody else nor do I want to. I'm enough.
I don't know how this will end but I DO know that I will be the better for this experience as painful as it has been for my family and me.
One interesting note - I do not set foot in WW apartment and she has not set foot in our martial home. It's sad that we can't do this but whenever we do (Christmas) it's been a diaster.
For example we had a d6 birthday around Christmas at the house. We made herself very comfortable going through drawers pulling out items she needed - it was eerie and rubbed me the wrong way. Since then she has not been to the house.
Last time I was at her place, it was very uncomfortable and I sat glued to the kitchen table and used the bathroom once. Again, it was eerie to see our things in another setting .
Should I encourage her to come to the house to reconnect or just keep it separate . My gut tells me to keep it the way it is - no visits.
I don't ask to go to her apartment and she doesn't invite me in. I guess that is my answer - until things settle down - if ever - it's best to keep it separate. Right?
My view is that as long as she maintains an active affair and flaunts it -- I have no business at her apartment and vice versa.
Yesterday I had a medical procedure - nothing serious but I was sedated, IV, the whole thing. I arranged for a ride to and from the hospital and did it independantly. That was a first for me.
It was scary to be alone but also a little bit empowering. I wanted so badly to text and let you know who be aware of the situation but I didn't. I even considered letting our friends know, knowing that they would tell her. Of coursae I knew that was manipulation, so I did not do that. I honestly don't know if she would have showed up or not had she known.
So, for my that was a 180, soething that I have not done before, on my own, independant. Don't know if this qualifies as starting to drop the rope, but maybe a little?
Suggestions on how to email WW for this? Here is suggestions
W
School is starting boy scout troop. I want to sign s9 up. It should be fun and I think he would make some friends.
Let me know if you have any questions.
Suggestions for improvements? I expect her to be negative but I wanted to email anyway.
Do you need her permission to sign him up?
Is she going to have to DO anything in this Boy Scout troop? Drop offs or pick ups?
Personally I think it is a great idea for a boy to be in Boy Scouts, my son was an Eagle Scout with 5 palms and head of the Order of Arrow. It helped make him into the man that he is today!
Good idea - you are right - I don't need her approval.
The question came up because we are/were a same sex couple and the boy scouts has been a little behind the times with regards to their viewes on gay boy scouts and gay leadership. So, that was why I "asked her opinion". But overall, you are right, I don't need her permission. I am in. I also co parent our D6's Daisy Girl Scout Troop bi weekly. My daughter has a blast and it is good to spend special time with her and her troop.
One other question Cadet
Been at this 7 months. How does one measure progress? Is it progress measured within oneself? I honestly don't know if what I am doing is making any difference - to me yes, I feel better - more independent, more focused on ME, to our relationship - no, I don't detect any change(s).
Just musing to myself and I am betting the Board will say progress is measured by how I am feeling and doing. Am I getting on with things and moving forward. So as usual, I think I have answered my own question (s).
I am betting the Board will say progress is measured by how I am feeling and doing. Am I getting on with things and moving forward. So as usual, I think I have answered my own question (s).
Correct assumption?
I agree you have answered your own question. I also think that down the road you can go back and re-read your own old posts and SEE the results for yourself!
As far as the Boy Scouts I just found this
Quote:
In April, the Executive Committee of the Boy Scouts of America drafted a resolution that maintains its current membership policy for all adult leaders and states that youth may not be denied membership in the BSA on the basis of sexual orientation or preference alone. The resolution proposes the following: Membership in any program of the Boy Scouts of America requires the youth member to (a) subscribe to and abide by the values expressed in the Scout Oath and Scout Law, (b) subscribe to and abide by the precepts of the Declaration of Religious Principle (duty to God), and (c) demonstrate behavior that exemplifies the highest level of good conduct and respect for others and is consistent at all times with the values expressed in the Scout Oath and Scout Law. No youth may be denied membership in the Boy Scouts of America on the basis of sexual orientation or preference alone. The Boy Scouts received reaction about the proposal from those who approve of the potential change and those who oppose it. Many of those who oppose it, both for personal and religious beliefs, have asked questions about the proposal and its potential impact on Scouting. The Boy Scouts of America respects the deeply held religious, moral, and ethical beliefs of everyone within the Scouting family and firmly believes that dedicated Scouters can be people of good will and still disagree about this policy. However, the Boy Scouts of America wants to address some key concerns and misunderstandings about the proposal and provide you with Scouting's perspective as you prepare to vote. 1. This proposal is in line with Scouting's principles and virtues. Some have asserted that having different standards for adults and youth is illogical or contradictory and runs counter to the principles of Scouting. Asserting this proposal is contradictory is based on a misunderstanding of the resolution. The resolution states: Youth are still developing, learning about themselves and who they are, developing their sense of right and wrong, and understanding their duty to God to live a moral life. Any sexual conduct, whether homosexual or heterosexual, by youth of Scouting age is contrary to the virtues of Scouting. The organization will maintain its current membership policy for all adult leaders. No member may use Scouting to promote or advance any social or political position or agenda. Members must demonstrate behavior that exemplifies the highest level of good conduct and respect for others and is consistent at all times with the values expressed in the Scout Oath and Scout Law. By reinforcing that Scouting is a youth program, and any sexual conduct, whether heterosexual or homosexual, by youth of Scouting age is contrary to the virtues of Scouting, and that no member may use Scouting to promote or advance any social or political position or agenda, this resolution rightly recognizes there is a difference between kids and adults while remaining true to the long-standing virtues of Scouting. 2. This proposal is in line with the beliefs of most of Scouting's major religious chartered organizations. Some have asserted that the proposed change for youth runs counter to values of and raises concerns among Scouting's religious chartered organizations. We are unaware of any major religious chartered organization that believes a youth member simply stating he or she is attracted to the same sex, but not engaging in sexual activity, should make him or her unwelcome in their congregation. This proposal reinforces Scouting's belief that sexual conduct by any Scout, heterosexual or homosexual, is contrary to the virtues of Scouting and is reflective of the beliefs of most of our major religious chartered organizations. While, if this resolution is passed, no youth may be denied membership in the Boy Scouts of America on the basis of stating their sexual orientation alone, Scouting expects appropriate behavior from all members, which includes sexual conduct, regardless of sexual orientation. 3. This proposal remains true to the long-standing virtues of Scouting and allows all youth who sincerely want to be a part of Scouting the chance to experience this life-changing program. Some have asserted that this proposal didn't go far enough and the Boy Scouts should remove any sexual orientation standard for membership for both youth members and adults leaders. The Boy Scouts recognizes some wish this proposal would have included changing the standard for adult members. The BSA reviewed a variety of policy options that would allow us to provide kids a place to belong while they learn and grow. The conclusion the executive officers of the Boy Scouts of America reached is that this is the option that did not, in some way, prevent kids who sincerely want to be a part of Scouting from experiencing this life-changing program. While people have different opinions about this policy, kids are better off when they are in Scouting. 4. The BSA is a leading expert in youth protection, and kids are safe in its programs. The BSA is fully equipped to administer this policy. Some have asserted that this proposal will put children at higher risk of being sexually abused or bullied and that the organization will not be able to administer this policy while protecting the safety and privacy of all Scouts. The BSA would never consider a proposal that increased risk to young people. To be clear, the BSA makes no connection between the sexual abuse or victimization of a child and homosexuality. The BSA takes strong exception to this assertion. Some of the nation's leading experts reinforce this position. The BSA has stringent polices that protect the safety and privacy of youth and adult members and has always worked to ensure that it is a supportive and safe environment for young people. As it relates to logistical issues for volunteers, Scouting is already equipped to address these issues. No other organization has the same level of expertise for administering logistics and protecting the safety of its participants. Also, to further prepare the organization, the BSA has created an implementation task force to make sure it is ready, should this resolution pass. It is looking into how other organizations have dealt with these issues. The BSA chose the effective date of Jan. 1, 2014, to give the organization the time it needs to make sure it is operationally ready for this policy. 5. Scouting will remain focused on its mission, the Scout Oath, and the Scout Law. Some have asserted that this proposal will unduly interject sexuality into the BSA and take away parents' rights to discuss sexuality at the time and place of their choosing. The BSA believes parents should decide if, when, and how to discuss matters of sexuality with their kids. This proposal reinforces Scouting's belief that sexual conduct by any Scout, heterosexual or homosexual, is contrary to the virtues of Scouting. While, if this resolution is passed, no youth may be denied membership in the Boy Scouts of America on the basis of stating their sexual orientation alone, Scouting expects appropriate behavior from all members, which includes sexual conduct, regardless of sexual orientation. 6. Boy Scouts of America membership is unequivocally unified about the value of Scouting. Some have asserted that if this proposal is adopted—or if the Boy Scouts does not amend its current policy—Scouting will see significant and unrecoverable losses in membership and monetary support. Recently, the Boy Scouts completed the most comprehensive listening exercise in its history, gathering perspectives from inside and outside of the Scouting family. At the time of this review, most regions, councils, and volunteers participated with the belief that the Boy Scouts was considering a change to its adult leader membership standards, a proposal significantly different from the resolution under consideration. It is extremely difficult to accurately quantify the potential impact, in terms of membership and financial support, of maintaining or changing the current policy. However, over the course of nearly three months, more than a quarter of a million Boy Scout members and leaders participated in research that examined their views of Scouting. The Boy Scouts of America is encouraged that this research showed, even with the uncertainty of which direction the membership standards policy might go, their loyalty to the BSA increased, and Scouting's parents, members, and leaders believe Scouting is fulfilling its mission to develop youth into responsible, capable adults. Regardless of the results of the vote, the membership policy will not match everyone's personal preference. The Boy Scouts will undoubtedly face challenges; however, Scouting is bigger than this single issue, and good people can disagree and still work together to accomplish great things for youth. 7. The BSA is committed to listening to the Scouting family and engaging in open dialogue. Some have asserted that the Boy Scout's leaders didn't listen to its Scouting family in this process or are keeping information from voters. Through this process, Scouting embarked on the most comprehensive listening exercise in its history, gathering perspectives from inside and outside of the Scouting family. Over the course of nearly three months, more than 200,000 BSA members and leaders participated in research. Our review confirmed that this remains among the most complex and challenging issues facing the BSA and society today. The BSA has been and remains committed to sharing information with voting members and the public throughout this process. To learn more about the BSA's review process and the proposed membership standards resolution, please visit website. Scouting's vision is to serve every eligible youth in America, and this policy would allow it to serve more kids and focus on their development. The Executive Committee unanimously agreed that this resolution is in the best interest of Scouting. While perspectives and opinions vary significantly, parents, adults in the Scouting community, and teens alike tend to agree that youth should not be denied the benefits of Scouting.
