We do not have any "official" agreement yet. i just moved out to clean the air. We did not split anything. I still have some of my stuff here. Do you mean, that I would loose the right of living here?
Me 46 W 45 S16 D14 S10 M 20 yrs in June T22 12/14 sleeping in different rooms 01/07/15 she said she wants a separation 02/26/15 I moved out
In Germany it is standard, that after the D, both parents have full child custody. If you wanted something else you would need to have good reasons (abuse, violence...).
Me 46 W 45 S16 D14 S10 M 20 yrs in June T22 12/14 sleeping in different rooms 01/07/15 she said she wants a separation 02/26/15 I moved out
The 2nd day with children has been great too. Yesterday: cooking together, watching TV. D14 is a singer songwriter herself, so we are talking about song-writing, guitars and different guitar tunings from time to time.
I have worked on two things regarding DB on this weekend. 1) In DR you can read the advice to bring up a mental stop sign, whenever you think about your spouse. I have swapped the sign with an annoying buzzer sound. I am a more auditive person.
2) Since I am a nice guy/co-dependent, I came up with some statements, that I am going to read to myself a few times a day. I would really appreciate your thoughts on them. If the grammar or the words should be wrong, just let me know.
- Today I strive for standing up for myself, like a healthy man, without defensiveness, excuses or explanations
- Today I strive for setting healthy boundaries, to protect my self respect, my honour and my dignity
- Today I strive for loving myself as I am, honouring myself and taking care of my needs and my well-being
- Today I strive for making my own hopes, visions and dreams a priority above the hopes, visions and dreams of others
- Today I strive for honest and loving communication with others
- Today I strive for consciously enjoying the good moments of the day and open myself up for the love and approval of others
- Today I strive for accepting, that I have the right to say “Yes”, “No” and “Maybe”
- Today I strive for asking others for their help, if I need them
- Today I strive for making little steps to overcome fear, when it raises its head
- Today I strive for acknowledging my emotions and deal with them in an adult way
- Today I strive for accepting adults as adults, responsible for their own lives. I will not control them, manipulate them or use them to make me feel better
- Today I strive for accepting live as it is and to deal with reality as it is
- Today I strive for choosing risk taking over fear and practice to detach my decision making from the outcome
Me 46 W 45 S16 D14 S10 M 20 yrs in June T22 12/14 sleeping in different rooms 01/07/15 she said she wants a separation 02/26/15 I moved out
And one more question: I have noticed lately that many (me included), have great ideas and thoughts about how to deal with the sitch. But when it comes to the point, to APPLY those great thoughts, we struggle. So to the vets: what might be the reason for this and how can one overcome this problem? Is it about discipline or the right mindset or is it just normal and we can not do anything about it? I do not want to be the guy that makes big promises about "going to the gym", but ends up eating chocolate and ice cream instead. How can I avoid this trap?
Last edited by koalada; 04/12/1505:25 AM.
Me 46 W 45 S16 D14 S10 M 20 yrs in June T22 12/14 sleeping in different rooms 01/07/15 she said she wants a separation 02/26/15 I moved out
I'm not a vet at all. Congrats on recognising you're an auditive person and having a buzzer as your thought stopper.
Regarding your mindset, it is just that - YOUR MINDSET! You get to determine what that will be. Is it hard to change? Hell yes! Can you do it? Hell yes! Make plans and follow through on them. Set a reminder on your phone, mark it in your diary/on a calender - do whatever you need to do to make sure you get up and do it.
For me, I've been using Meetup to arrange things. I look and look at events that are on and think 'ohhh I might go to that'. It's only when I actively reply yes to an event that it becomes real that I'm going. In other words - TAKE ACTION!
BD - 30TH JAN 2015 S - 30TH JAN 2015 PA CONFIRMED - 16TH FEB 2015 (SINCE AT LEAST OCT 2014) CONTINUAL TALK OF D ME: 31 W: 28 T: 10yrs M: 4.5yrs D:5, S:6
Your actions need to be attainable. Instead of going to the gym, consider just get out of the house. Get out and drive. You have to get out and do something everyday but it can be small that leads to bigger things.
Your actions need to be attainable. Instead of going to the gym, consider just get out of the house. Get out and drive. You have to get out and do something everyday but it can be small that leads to bigger things.
So emotional detachment needs to be practiced on a regular basis in order to become a habit?
Last edited by koalada; 04/12/1511:53 AM.
Me 46 W 45 S16 D14 S10 M 20 yrs in June T22 12/14 sleeping in different rooms 01/07/15 she said she wants a separation 02/26/15 I moved out
Your actions need to be attainable. Instead of going to the gym, consider just get out of the house. Get out and drive. You have to get out and do something everyday but it can be small that leads to bigger things.
So emotional detachment needs to be practiced on a regular basis in order to become a habit?
