Journaling. So somehow ow family knows something's going on. h is obviously pissed. Cause now ow is giving him grief. Maybe even an ultimatum. He got all angry (like im anything to do with it). I kept calm. I don't know how. He says he needs to decide wether to end things with her and me. Asks me what would I do if he goes ahead with her. I restated my boundaries. I will be gone, and I'll be polite for the sake of our son. But I'm gone. He said I don't need to go. I said I'm not living with him or around our memories. I'm now almost in tears as he's gone to talk to ow. I'm pissed she gets a say in anything. I don't know what to do. He may even come home and tell me thats it.
Me 26 H 25 M 4 T 5 Baby born 4/14 BD: 1/15 EA: 2/15 PA: 4/15 reconciling: 4/15 ILYBINILWY- 11/15 ILY-1/16 ILYBNILWY 4/16 ILY 6/16 ILYBINILWY 6/16 Baby due 3/17 BD 8/16
Thanks toots. I can't actually cope with the anxiety. I dunno wether to just go out or stay in. I honestly feel like I need to do something to numb the pain. Im trying my hardest to busy myself but nothing is working
Me 26 H 25 M 4 T 5 Baby born 4/14 BD: 1/15 EA: 2/15 PA: 4/15 reconciling: 4/15 ILYBINILWY- 11/15 ILY-1/16 ILYBNILWY 4/16 ILY 6/16 ILYBINILWY 6/16 Baby due 3/17 BD 8/16
Good stand cherry. Remember that you control you only. If you do still love your husband at all, you gave to let him make the biggest mistake of his life, right! That is the only road that you can take. We cannot force, coerce whatever them back into being our spouses. And even if we could would we want them to be as they are right now. I have made the mistake too often of thinking that I don't want to lose my wife...what I am losing, a friend who will not show me the affection that I want, a person who is willing to lie and deceive in lieu of being open and honest. I don't know if that person is worth compromising our chance for happiness for. I am rambling now. Sorry to be so glum.
Ugh that time of night that I start to feel sh*t.. He's barely looking at me. Not really talking, nodding or shaking his head where necessary.
Whenever you see the very first sign of him doing this, you immediately take action to switch the roles. In my mind, I see a W trying to make conversation with her uninterested H. Cherry, that is pursuit. If he is not looking you in your eyes while you are talking to him.........it means he has tuned you out. He is p,asking that old game that men play. "Just nod the head now & then and she'll think you are listening".
Apparently this time of the evening is when you feel vulnerable, so plan ahead and get that spunky, self-confident, sexy attitude jacked up.........and stop watching him. Stop trying to pull him in by talking.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Do you have family or friends nearby Cherry? Would it be an option to take yourself and baby off for a bit. Sitting at home waiting for 'something' to happen is probably the worst thing. Plus, ideally you want to be feeling as strong as possible when you do talk.
Please try not to worry. And remember, whatever he comes back to you with - you get to decide what you want to do. And also, while things may feel like 'the end' if he makes a decision - they very often change in time.
The main thing is to protect yourself and baby from all of this upheaval in your life right now. Do what you need to do to feel secure, comfortable and able to move forwards.
Take care Cherry.
Last edited by Toots; 04/11/1504:25 PM.
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
I'm trying I really am- it drives me mad how much my son has seen and heard. I don't want to look back at his first year like this. I haven't, I don't really live near any family or friends. And only a couple friends know what's happening with us. My family don't even know. I'm limited on what to do in the evening without a sitter too. I do feel like booking into a motel or something. But I feel I'm pouring gas onto a fire if I do that.
Me 26 H 25 M 4 T 5 Baby born 4/14 BD: 1/15 EA: 2/15 PA: 4/15 reconciling: 4/15 ILYBINILWY- 11/15 ILY-1/16 ILYBNILWY 4/16 ILY 6/16 ILYBINILWY 6/16 Baby due 3/17 BD 8/16
Cherry, try not to worry about wider things than you need to. Your S is fine, and it is what it is for now. This is happening in his first year, and there's not a lot you can do to change that right now. Focus on what you can control.
Have you had any further contact with H since you posted earlier? I think if you haven't - and if you can manage it - you are best to have as calm an evening as possible. If you can, try to act 'as if' you aren't sitting waiting to hear what he has chosen to do.
You have already made your choice and told him. You won't be around waiting for him if he chooses to be with someone else. All you need to do is maintain that boundary and he will do what he will do.
Think about the worst that can happen. He may come back or contact you and tell you he wants to be with OW. Okay, that would be hard, but you would get through that. He may move out if that happens. Okay, you would cope with that too. in a way, you're already coping with all of that.
In a way the worst has already happened. And whatever decision he makes today, it will just be a bend in the road in your sitch and you will see that as more time passes.
He will do what he will do right now. There's not much you can do about that - so you might as well calmly go about your own business and let him go if that is what he wants to do. If your sitch goes like most here, he will soon find the grass is not greener as he thought.
Take care and keep posting Cherry x
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Toots thank you for the words. Haven't heard from him. And you're right, I am basically doing that now. I'm sure he would find the grass isn't greener. But that's his journey. Tried to relax this evening. Baby is asleep so I'm gonna catch a movie. Maybe do some yoga (rock and roll)
Me 26 H 25 M 4 T 5 Baby born 4/14 BD: 1/15 EA: 2/15 PA: 4/15 reconciling: 4/15 ILYBINILWY- 11/15 ILY-1/16 ILYBNILWY 4/16 ILY 6/16 ILYBINILWY 6/16 Baby due 3/17 BD 8/16
