Confused and mix messages. Part 3

[Cherry]

So this feels a touch difficult. I feel like he started to come out of this fog a touch- we laughed, we talked an "us" he referred to us as a sort of partnership and "you're wife" whereas he hasn't the past few months. He even said how one thing making him rethink things is seeing how good of a mother I am and how I'm just getting by and ruining the home still regardless. I do see this as a positive as I have never pointed out anything that I do. I just get on with things.
So despite the slight positive, I'm back to not having expectations. I don't know if he's cake eating or what. But I know that my detaching, 180s, GALing has made him open his eyes a little.
Been planning my trip with baby, nothing booked yet. But really looking forward to that. Weather is getting good so nice to get out in the sunshine with baby. Filling my house and redecorating with things that make me feel happy and positive. Listening to lots of feel good music, and need a spring clean of my wardrobe.

Life goes on I guess, h well and truly knows my feelings. I didn't want to seem persuing so when having an R talk the other day I made out that I obviously really want our M to work and work in this together. But, I also know that I will hurt, but I'll get along fine by myself. I don't know if that was handled well or not. But at least he knows my stance.

[edz]

Hi Cherry

guessing that's running not ruining in that post

Sounds good and positive to me, watching the expectations - ah the magic ingredient - yes that can be difficult but that and GAL (which I struggle to do as Im naturally introverted) are the keys. Remember that GAL is something for you (and most likely baby too) to make you feel a complete person as well. Dont feel theres an expectation you need to go climb a mountain or write a novel but if thats something you'd enjoy or have always wanted to do but didnt then go for it. Getting to grips with that concept myself.

Sounds to me like you're doing well, some days will seem lower than others, come on here and talk to us when it gets a bit of a downer. Remember you're not the only person going through all this despite the feelings that the rest of the world is ok and its just you, sadly there are many of us out here. We're all sending you the best

(((Cherry)))

Edz

[Sotto]

Hi Cherry

Good to see some slightly more positive signs. But, it would be pretty unusual for a sitch to resolve at such an early stage. I would carry on with your current course until/unless your H is 110% 'in.' He's a ways from that now, but it does sound as though your approach is rocking his boat somewhat.

You're doing great Cherry - you've got this....:-)

[Cherry]

Haha @edz that is running and not ruining- I think I'm doing a good job keeping all afloat. it is tricky to watch the expectations when you get a little glimmer of hope but I keep telling myself not too, keeping calm and carrying on like I have. Thanks, that means a lot. I've learnt so much on the site it's unreal- a total sanity saver!

Yeah toots things are looking brighter slightly. We for sure have switched roles of him looking confident and a man about town and me crying and hanging around. To now I'm walking round head held high and confident while he is looking sad and asking me questions like where am I going what am I doing.

[Miman2]

You have some nerves of steel Cherry! Even with positive sings you're still able to keep a level head in all this! That is truly awe inspiring, keep up the great work!

[Elly4]

Cherry, it does not surprise me that after having a really good day with you, he was a bit more withdrawn the next day. I think they almost panic when they've had a good time with us because they are afraid that that means that our hopes are up, or expectations or something. It sounds like you handled it perfectly correct where you just ate your own supper and didn't question him and you have continued your GAL plans.

You rock!

[Heart14]

Cherry, sounds like you have the right mindset. I'm impressed with how strong you sound. Keep it up!

There are some positives in your sitch and it's easy to let those lead to expectations. I'd definitely caution you to try and limit those at this point. Like Toots said, usually the turnaround isn't quite that quick. You'll likely ebb and flow for awhile.

Cherry, it does not surprise me that after having a really good day with you, he was a bit more withdrawn the next day. I think they almost panic when they've had a good time with us because they are afraid that that means that our hopes are up, or expectations or something.

I think what Eirinn said is often true. A lot of them feel guilty and think they are leading us on because they truly don't know what they want.

Cherry, you seem like a very strong woman. I have no doubt you'll pull through this and live a happy life no matter the eventual outcome of your M.

[Cherry]

Thanks guys
I do feel stronger, but I would absolutely love to have my marriage work out. He even mentioned he had thought how to tell the ow that he was going to make things work but then it's like he was arguing with himself.. He does seem very tortured, withdrawn like he's thinking a lot through. I guess he is.

I guess all I can do is try and plod on and build me up. Not home again, so again- I ate and put baby to bed. Will catch up on some programmes and plan for a business meeting tomorrow.

[Cherry]

I do think I have started to let a few expectations creep in. Now I'm sat wondering where he is- I haven't done that for a while. I usually busy myself. This is so crappy. It's like I get him back for a few hours and then he is gone again

[Zephyr]

Deep Breaths. Hard not to have expectations when we are still so attached, sigh.