Yeah you're right. I'm going to make sure I don't text/call unless absolutely necessary. I haven't since he messaged me yesterday. And like you said, he knows where I stand, I've said my point so just leave it at that.
I was looking at my goals, and when answering "what would this look like" one of my things is better communication- which he is talking and telling me about his work and such for the first time in months. And he's smiling and laughing. Maybe this but coupled with lovingly distancing and trying to detach. Like still not being the first to start a conversation. Keep up with my 180s etc.
This is difficult, I'd love to sleep for more than a couple hours a night! Going to get out and keep busy. Meet with one of my girls this afternoon with baby
Me 26 H 25 M 4 T 5 Baby born 4/14 BD: 1/15 EA: 2/15 PA: 4/15 reconciling: 4/15 ILYBINILWY- 11/15 ILY-1/16 ILYBNILWY 4/16 ILY 6/16 ILYBINILWY 6/16 Baby due 3/17 BD 8/16
Wow Cherry, a baby and all, you are doing well to be so sane. My WAS was unhappy in the relationship and so walked, basically because I made it an unhappy relationship. I actually think there were underlying issues prior to the real downturn that probably should've been dealt with, BUT the marriage turned sour in the 1st few months after our 1st baby. She was an obsessive mother, even she recognises that now, but basically I felt neglected. It just isn't me to pursue an A, but I can understand if that is what your H did. Maybe the offer was in his face. Who knows. Maybe there were other issues and the baby is only part of it. It is a huge change to your life becoming a parent. Again, dont know. I am just saying that the neglect I felt was very real. It sent me into a tailspin when my wife just shrugged it off. I wish she had've been half as devoted as you are. I wish I played things differently as well, but thats another story.
M: 6 T: 12 Kids: 2,4 BD: Jan 2015 S: Feb 2015 EA/PA confirmed: Feb2015/Mar2015
When I said to him about how I feel I've neglected him- he just says that's in my mind. But again we shouldnt beleive what they say and do right now. He is definitely in some kind of crisis. His usual interests don't bother him anymore. He wants to be out all the time- it is as if he has been possessed! The thing is now I feel I've said my piece, I've told him how I feel. So I know I stop it there otherwise I'm persuing. He keeps banging on about counselling too. And he likes to keep me close. Like the things he has said about after a d we can still live together, be friends, raise a child together, he will still help me financially wether I want it or not blah blah blah. He is cake eating, I'm sure of it. But I don't see why he is trying to resist me sexually and tells me that. He makes no sense. All I can do is plod on,, hope he doesn't file in the meantime. I know from the start I've come on. But a life without him still just isn't what I want.
Me 26 H 25 M 4 T 5 Baby born 4/14 BD: 1/15 EA: 2/15 PA: 4/15 reconciling: 4/15 ILYBINILWY- 11/15 ILY-1/16 ILYBNILWY 4/16 ILY 6/16 ILYBINILWY 6/16 Baby due 3/17 BD 8/16
"Like the things he has said about after a d we can still live together, be friends, raise a child together"
Not sure what others think Cherry (and please don't act solely on my input) but I wonder whether it is worth setting an early boundary on statements like the above. That sounds to me as though your H is wanting a foot in two camps. A girlfriend outside the home and a semi-family (flat mates co-raising a child) to come home to - no consequences for H at all!
I presume this isn't what you want. And I think it would be fine to clarify - H, D isn't what I want. But if we do D, I wouldn't want us to live together and be friends. I would move on and hopefully meet someone else to share my life.
My H had this vision that we would just sell the house, divide the proceeds and I would melt away - leaving him to start a new family of his own. He's finding that when we put my preferences, boundaries and decisions into the mix, it isn't that straightforward at all...
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
In this fog, their great ideas must make sense!! It's as though they think we have no feelings. Heartless!! Had a good day with a girlfriend today, and then a meal together. Was nice and I kept busy. I stuck to my not getting in touch with H then he started messaging me on asking about how was baby, then how am I, who am I out with, what am I doing. Then he tells me what he's doing (wether it's true or not) but I hadn't asked him. I asked the bare minimal really. He said he would be home tomorrow so let him know when I'm at home and he will come back too.. Thinking of some GALing activities with baby. Lots of egg hunts going on tomorrow so God willing I'll go to one and enjoy my day
Me 26 H 25 M 4 T 5 Baby born 4/14 BD: 1/15 EA: 2/15 PA: 4/15 reconciling: 4/15 ILYBINILWY- 11/15 ILY-1/16 ILYBNILWY 4/16 ILY 6/16 ILYBINILWY 6/16 Baby due 3/17 BD 8/16
Today took baby out for a walk and to do an egg hunt with family and friends. I was getting by just fine and then BAM it hit me. Crazy crazy anxiety. It doesn't help that I went to a place me and h would go while dating and go for long walks almost every weekend. I miss him so unbelievably much. I just want him back. I would do almost anything to have him and hold him again. Haven't heard from him today. Haven't seen him since Friday.
Me 26 H 25 M 4 T 5 Baby born 4/14 BD: 1/15 EA: 2/15 PA: 4/15 reconciling: 4/15 ILYBINILWY- 11/15 ILY-1/16 ILYBNILWY 4/16 ILY 6/16 ILYBINILWY 6/16 Baby due 3/17 BD 8/16
I know how you feel. I was at my h parents house for easter. The whole time they were treating me so good. At one point t I wanted to break down. But I resisted the tears. I cried on the way home of course. I miss my h too a d just want him back. Stay strong and continue with the 18th and going dark. I have and it's working to my advantage. Good luck and if you need to talk I'm here for you
Me 34 H 33 Married 2006 S5 D2 BD Jan 2015 EA/PA He moved out 2/2/2015 Came back 5/2015 Filed divorce papers 8/21/2015
Hi Cherry, sorry you've had a rough day. It's inevitable that we all do. Some days are pretty good and we feel we're moving forward. Others difficult. This is where self-soothing helps. Thinking of those things that you can do, which make you feel better. I did quite a lot with my hands in the early days, renovating furniture in the garage. That helped me a lot. But we all have different things.
The important thing I learned was not to do any radical stuff at these fragile moments. They are moments when we really want our H's. Want to reach out and have our H's come back to us. But of course they won't. Or if they do again, they will be 'gone' in a day or so, and so it continues. So best just to do nothing, other than self-soothing things.
Hopefully tomorrow will be better my friend. I often found that a good day followed a bad one. ((Cherry))
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
