It really doesn't matter what his preference in women are because he is in a total fog. The enemy has taken him captive to do his will (2 Timothy 2:16).
When he calls to "check-in", reinforce that behavior. Thank him for letting you know where he is and then say nothing else about it.
If he texts (or emails) you with positive messages, respond more quickly and pleasantly. If he is texting separation talk, or being corse or hateful, do not respond for awhile. Don't say anything about it just simply let him stew for awhile. It's much harder to argue by yourself. Start to positively reenforce that behavior that you want from him.
I'm sorry, Cherry, but I haven't been following along as well as I should have. Where do his friends and family stand on this and/or how much do they all know about it?
Me 47 - W 35 M 9 - T 10 2 Daughters - 7 & 9 Discovery of EA- 8/4/14 S - 8/5/15 D mentioned - 9/11/14 R & Piecing - 3/17/15 Regard one another as more important than yourselves. - Philippians 2:3
Thank you both, it is honestly with the help and support I've had here and reading DR. I do feel I have a new lease of life and I'm more determined than ever. I took him for granted but now I need to lure him back to me! That's good advise jefe, I'll make sure I do that. I haven't even told my family, v little people know. His mum knows and disapproves- they won't even talk anymore as she won't stand by his choices
Me 26 H 25 M 4 T 5 Baby born 4/14 BD: 1/15 EA: 2/15 PA: 4/15 reconciling: 4/15 ILYBINILWY- 11/15 ILY-1/16 ILYBNILWY 4/16 ILY 6/16 ILYBINILWY 6/16 Baby due 3/17 BD 8/16
If he texts (or emails) you with positive messages, respond more quickly and pleasantly. If he is texting separation talk, or being corse or hateful, do not respond for awhile. Don't say anything about it just simply let him stew for awhile. It's much harder to argue by yourself. Start to positively reenforce that behavior that you want from him.
^^^^^this is excellent advice, Jefe. I totally agree.
Me: 30 H: 35 M: 5 years S2 Signs of MLC started Feb 2014 BD - PA July 2014 Piecing/reconciling late July 2014
This is all great advise, and very very much appreciated. I'm learning so much now of how I have took things he has done for granted. I'll be sure to reinforce the positive behaviour.
Me 26 H 25 M 4 T 5 Baby born 4/14 BD: 1/15 EA: 2/15 PA: 4/15 reconciling: 4/15 ILYBINILWY- 11/15 ILY-1/16 ILYBNILWY 4/16 ILY 6/16 ILYBINILWY 6/16 Baby due 3/17 BD 8/16
Had to message him regarding baby.. Wished him luck with a meeting he had to. I thought I may have got a response but I didnt. Shan't read into things. I just hope he doesn't see it as pursuing behaviour
Me 26 H 25 M 4 T 5 Baby born 4/14 BD: 1/15 EA: 2/15 PA: 4/15 reconciling: 4/15 ILYBINILWY- 11/15 ILY-1/16 ILYBNILWY 4/16 ILY 6/16 ILYBINILWY 6/16 Baby due 3/17 BD 8/16
That did not seem pursuing, although I have no idea what you said about the baby.
Think about it like this. If it is something you would politely say to your neighbor then it's not pursuing. It you would feel uncomfortable saying it the checker at the grocery store, you may want to tone it down a bit. I mean you're polite to those you come in contact with daily, right?
Me 47 - W 35 M 9 - T 10 2 Daughters - 7 & 9 Discovery of EA- 8/4/14 S - 8/5/15 D mentioned - 9/11/14 R & Piecing - 3/17/15 Regard one another as more important than yourselves. - Philippians 2:3
Yeah sure, I'm upbeat and friendly. I was asking him to pick something up that's right by his work place and a matter of necessity. I guess that isn't persuing.. Asked him about his day, we had a bit of polite chat. So I guess that's a positive
Me 26 H 25 M 4 T 5 Baby born 4/14 BD: 1/15 EA: 2/15 PA: 4/15 reconciling: 4/15 ILYBINILWY- 11/15 ILY-1/16 ILYBNILWY 4/16 ILY 6/16 ILYBINILWY 6/16 Baby due 3/17 BD 8/16
Journaling, trip to the IC was pretty positive. When she gave her intro she said she works with solution focus brief therapy. I took my copy of DR and said that is what I'm working with. She was very behind that. She listened and said that Hs actions and what he's said aren't that of someone wanting a D.. She said about thinking the lack of attention he's had since birth of baby. Thought I was doing a great thing by working on me GALing etc. it was successful, but tbh I have learnt way more on this site. This is free therapy! She did make me feel positive about joining mine and Hs paths together. Looked into flights and hotels to maybe take baby and me on a vacay for a few days. I asked H the other week if he wanted to come- he said he didn't think he could get the time off work. I do think if we spent more time together I could win him round. It's hard not seeing him often but I guess the time I do see him I need him to see I am that everything he wants and more!
Me 26 H 25 M 4 T 5 Baby born 4/14 BD: 1/15 EA: 2/15 PA: 4/15 reconciling: 4/15 ILYBINILWY- 11/15 ILY-1/16 ILYBNILWY 4/16 ILY 6/16 ILYBINILWY 6/16 Baby due 3/17 BD 8/16
Glad 4 u Cherry. I have found that we can get a lot of work done on our own between ic sessions and let them critique my progress or let me bounce some ideas off of. I will say I've gotten 95% of my progress outside of sessions. I am still scheduling appointments, just not very close together.
Yeah my next one will be in a few weeks. Had a bit of a wobble today. Went out feeling super confident. Guys checking me out and stuff. But my confidence suddenly plummeted when I thought the only man I want to look at me like this is H. It's like I want to tell him how much he means to me, but that can only be seen as persuing. For sure, when I see him I'll make it known, I will strut around that house like the most confident person! I think H is more open to me when we are friendly. However I don't want to start too many tactics and mess things up.
I have so much passion for him right now. I would leave baby with my mom. Where something hot and show him I'm HIS woman, not just the mommy of his child
Me 26 H 25 M 4 T 5 Baby born 4/14 BD: 1/15 EA: 2/15 PA: 4/15 reconciling: 4/15 ILYBINILWY- 11/15 ILY-1/16 ILYBNILWY 4/16 ILY 6/16 ILYBINILWY 6/16 Baby due 3/17 BD 8/16
