What to do

[Cadet]

I entered my story here below on the quick reply box under. I hope this was correct i submitted it again last night. I am new here to this site.

OK the second time was a charm and your post is now here, I may add some carriage returns to make it more readable.

[Starsky309]

Sorry, but your wife sounds like she has serious issues. Serial infidelity is above MY pay-grade, and for me personally would be a deal-breaker.

Are you sure this is a woman of quality you want to remain married to? I don't see where she's done ANY of the necessary work -- the introspection and counseling necessary to figure out WHY she turns to sex with other men when she gets antsy, or why she even gets antsy to begin with (I'm not even seeing any serious marital issues, not that those would excuse her decisions?).

I'm as pro-marriage as anyone on this site, but personally I'd do the "let her go" thing. If she does the required work and turns her life around, you could always re-marry her (about 20% of people re-marry their same spouse, with nearly all reporting that the new marriage is better than ever).

Any other dysfunction (infidelity, addictions, etc.) she has had, or in her family?

Sorry to be so blunt, but we might as well plunge right into this.


Starsky

[Sotto]

Kellam, I'm sorry for what you are going through.

If it helps, Phunguy's W has just disclosed that she had multiple A's and I posted some comments I had read about this kind of infidelity on his thread.

A single A is hard enough to cope with, and only you know if you want to try and stick with the R, given what has happened.

Keep posting my friend. Others will chime in too.

((Kellam))

[1976 T]

Went to counselor today by myself this afternoon. Wife went yesterday by herself at the counselors request. It went good for me. Counselor says wife has a touch of midlife crisis.

[1976 T]

Thanks for input. I do love her. She has never had addictions that I am aware off. I don't even know if it was an affair. I am just confused how this happened so fast just after moving here for such a short period of time. It all seems so unreal.

[Starsky309]

Thanks for input. I do love her. She has never had addictions that I am aware off. I don't even know if it was an affair.

I'm confused. Your long post above describes at LEAST one affair (you said you caught them together?) and then a 2nd event which sounds about 95% like one.

Would multiple affairs be a deal breaker for you?

Starsky

[1976 T]

Yes i am having a hard time letting go. Even though i know its something i need to do. I want to believe her about the couseling, but i know deep in my heart no one could really love you and do you this way. I asked the couselor yesterday what she thought. She tells me it can be fixed. That i should not give up.I do realize my wife has some serious issues from her child hood that i feel has to do with some of her actions. Its just hard to walk a way. I know you think i am an idiot.

[1976 T]

I have very large heart and love to deep. I am easy to forgive and forget.

[1976 T]

I will say she did set up the couseling for us and appears to want to go. Says she has to get help from issues in her past that cause some of the hurtful things she does

[Sotto]

Hi Kellam

I think actions are the really important thing here. So your W is saying she wants to get some help, which is great. Does she go ahead and find a source of help? Does she commit to that, start digging deep, work through the pain? Stick at it?

These are the things that really show you how committed your W is to dealing with problems in her own life and problems in your R....