That's part of why it is taking me so long to move on. This whole thing happened so quick. I am not exaggerating when I tell you that just a few months ago we were making plans for the future and in what I thought was a loving relationship. Red flag behaviors November and December, me finding out on NYE, and her filing papers just over a week later. She still has yet to have a detailed conversation about her thoughts. All I get is crying and superficial excuses of not being happy. We never talked about separation or divorce before this, and never went to counseling. She has fallen hard for OM, and is embarrassed by her actions. She wants to mitigate her guilt and change timelines, so that's why she filed so quick and moved out. She is still moving full steam ahead on the divorce express and has not wavered.
Tomorrow I will retain a lawyer since she is not willing to work with me. I love her and I miss her, but she has made her choice in this matter. All that remains is for me to protect my assets and future, and continue working on me. I know I will survive, but I honestly feel like a failure and feel that we never even tried to save our relationship. That hurts.
Me M51 WW F46 T 17 yrs M 16 yrs 9 children D29 D27 D26 S24 S24 S19 S19 niece18 S17 8 grandchildren ILYBINILWY: 12/15/14 I discover PA 12/31/14 She files D: 1/9/15 She moves out 3/2/15 D papers served 3/18/15
That's part of why it is taking me so long to move on. This whole thing happened so quick. I am not exaggerating when I tell you that just a few months ago we were making plans for the future and in what I thought was a loving relationship. Red flag behaviors November and December, me finding out on NYE, and her filing papers just over a week later. She still has yet to have a detailed conversation about her thoughts. All I get is crying and superficial excuses of not being happy. We never talked about separation or divorce before this, and never went to counseling. She has fallen hard for OM, and is embarrassed by her actions. She wants to mitigate her guilt and change timelines, so that's why she filed so quick and moved out. She is still moving full steam ahead on the divorce express and has not wavered.
Tomorrow I will retain a lawyer since she is not willing to work with me. I love her and I miss her, but she has made her choice in this matter. All that remains is for me to protect my assets and future, and continue working on me. I know I will survive, but I honestly feel like a failure and feel that we never even tried to save our relationship. That hurts.
Alot of them are not happy because they are cheating on you. It feels bad, but it's easier to toss the betrayed asside than to assuage themselves of all the guilt and responsobility.
There's nothing you can do but let her go, you have not failed at all. Consider yourself lucky, because man men and women here have been dragged on for YEARS in sexless, loveless and affectionless marriages where they are being cheated on the entire time.
So I talked to my kids (who are on Spring Break) and spoke briefly with WAW. I was pleasant, cordial, shared a few laughs and talked about signing some tax papers on Friday which is a good thing. I said I hope everyone is having a good time and left it at that. I can tell from her demeanor that she has not read the letter from my attorney. I am guessing, yes I am but I am pretty sure.
What works for me interacting with her is being cordial and polite. I will definately jot that down in my what works journal, along with time of call, etc...
I dreaded talking to hear but faked a good and positive attitude. Talking with her causes me to feel a lot of pain and anger. I am not showing that to her. I am working on detachment and moving forward.
I am standing my ground and not being a doormat where she runs over me. In the past, I caved 99% of the time to keep her happy. Why? Because I believed that if she was happy, then all of us would be happy, less yelling, less tenseness, less of all the negative stuff. I focused on keeping her happy so as not to upset the applecart. Now I am trying to let that go and focus on ME, my happiness and what is good for our children. For me standing up to her, and refusing to be in an open marriage is a real 180. That part feels really good and my self esteem is improving.
I also went to my Divorce Support Group last night and I will add that to my gratitude journal as well. There were so many women who have it far worse than I do. I am humbled and see how many positive attributes I do in fact have.
I am beginning to feel that if/when the D does happen, it won't be the end of me. My support group talked about adjusting to our new normal and while tragic and sad, yes I think I am adjusting.
So I talked to my kids (who are on Spring Break) and spoke briefly with WAW. I was pleasant, cordial, shared a few laughs and talked about signing some tax papers on Friday which is a good thing. I said I hope everyone is having a good time and left it at that. I can tell from her demeanor that she has not read the letter from my attorney. I am guessing, yes I am but I am pretty sure.
What works for me interacting with her is being cordial and polite. I will definately jot that down in my what works journal, along with time of call, etc...
I dreaded talking to hear but faked a good and positive attitude. Talking with her causes me to feel a lot of pain and anger. I am not showing that to her. I am working on detachment and moving forward.
I am standing my ground and not being a doormat where she runs over me. In the past, I caved 99% of the time to keep her happy. Why? Because I believed that if she was happy, then all of us would be happy, less yelling, less tenseness, less of all the negative stuff. I focused on keeping her happy so as not to upset the applecart. Now I am trying to let that go and focus on ME, my happiness and what is good for our children. For me standing up to her, and refusing to be in an open marriage is a real 180. That part feels really good and my self esteem is improving.
I also went to my Divorce Support Group last night and I will add that to my gratitude journal as well. There were so many women who have it far worse than I do. I am humbled and see how many positive attributes I do in fact have.
I am beginning to feel that if/when the D does happen, it won't be the end of me. My support group talked about adjusting to our new normal and while tragic and sad, yes I think I am adjusting.
It's pretty simple. There is no "us" anymore. There is you and her alone. It would be wise to ensure that your needs are met in any interaction. Almost be selfish for what you need, she can say "no" or choose not to deal with you.
But you can't make it easy for her, because after all she is the one who is cheating you. Not the other way around.
You don't have to do anything at all to help her.g
I think every positive sign is a positive baby step. In DR she says that we should be grateful for every little step. Your gratitude journal is a lovely idea, and I hope you have a lovely Easter. I feel blessed every day for my beautiful baby. I feel blessed that I have a house, money, running water from taps, food in fridge. I feel blessed I have access to free healthcare.
This is the hardest time in most of our lives I'm sure. But we have to focus on us. You have the support of all of us behind you and in a lot of people's prayers. God bless you
Me 26 H 25 M 4 T 5 Baby born 4/14 BD: 1/15 EA: 2/15 PA: 4/15 reconciling: 4/15 ILYBINILWY- 11/15 ILY-1/16 ILYBNILWY 4/16 ILY 6/16 ILYBINILWY 6/16 Baby due 3/17 BD 8/16
So I talked to my kids (who are on Spring Break) and spoke briefly with WAW. I was pleasant, cordial, shared a few laughs and talked about signing some tax papers on Friday which is a good thing. I said I hope everyone is having a good time and left it at that. I can tell from her demeanor that she has not read the letter from my attorney. I am guessing, yes I am but I am pretty sure.
What works for me interacting with her is being cordial and polite. I will definately jot that down in my what works journal, along with time of call, etc...
I dreaded talking to hear but faked a good and positive attitude. Talking with her causes me to feel a lot of pain and anger. I am not showing that to her. I am working on detachment and moving forward.
I am glad you decided to approach the convo with a positive frame of mind and did some techniques we've been telling you all along. It was a matter of deciding to change things up and executing them properly. Yes, that is a baby step. Keep going in that direction.
As for W receiving L's letter, how she reacts is on her. We are in control of how we react to events, situations, incidents, and comments that are presented before us.
