Watching my S have fun with other kids has made me a bit teary eyed knowing what's waiting when we get home. With any luck she's not there. She hasn't contacted since we left earlier today (around 11:am). I figure she's taken off and Is plotting since he chose to come with me. She told me to expect her lawyer on Monday to start coming after me. Yeah.
Things in my situation are moving pretty fast. :P
She's also getting advise from her OM on how to handle me. Uts getting a but tiring. I'm going to ask the lawyer about a subpena and letter to her company's corporate office. Maybe deflate the sails a bit.
Me: 45 W43 S7, Foster S9 (Planning to adopt post divorce) D mentioned Feb 2015, Wife served 3/24/2015. She moved out 4/15/2015.
I can say I've been following Sandi's rules as much as i can. I've been rereading the every few days.
I don't think my W was expecting things to go this way. That this is a fight and I'm not participating her way. Every time she brings up some new threat I just tell her that she can do what she needs to do. . Her impression is I just sulk. She keeps calling me an idiot for doing things without her consent and "walking all over her" (as if). Plus she has OM validating her position, but I know she's only putting herself in the best possible light.
For all my worldly goods, I don't care that much about them. Without facing her anger/control issues constantly, I can be happy doing a lot if things.
For me, short term success would look like:
Having physical custody of my son
She's limited to visits every other weekend
We're free of most of the debt.
i have the house in my name and can finish fixing it up later and then decide what i want to do next year.
the BIL is in the military and will be gone for a year. They've offered to let us stay there almost rent free while they're elsewhere. That would go a long way towards rebuilding worst case.
Me: 45 W43 S7, Foster S9 (Planning to adopt post divorce) D mentioned Feb 2015, Wife served 3/24/2015. She moved out 4/15/2015.
So last night I couldn't sleep for anything. I tossed and turned all night.
When we got home 1st thing she wants to know from my son is what we did. Then proceeds to tell him that she'd like to do those things too but daddy took all the money when he split the checking (see Sandi's rules). She's been pissed i cut her off and is claiming I only let her have an allowance. Which is not true. I asked how much she needed and gave it to her. I just didn't give her access to everything.
She again brings up that she's moving out and proceeded to tell our S again that he'll be moving with her. He stated that he wants to stay here and she told him that won't be an option. That I won't be able to keep the house. I did reply that i can afford the house. There's more I'll type later.
I'm hoping she moves out ASAP. It would make all the next steps easier.
Me: 45 W43 S7, Foster S9 (Planning to adopt post divorce) D mentioned Feb 2015, Wife served 3/24/2015. She moved out 4/15/2015.
So this morning her interactions with my S were sicky sweet.
He was upset and sad the entire time before school. She's supposed to pick him up today and just before he left, he started crying... saying "I don't want mom to pick me up." That I have recorded.
She definitely knows I'm recording. She asked me point blank last night if I was recording on the phone. I told her no.
Me: 45 W43 S7, Foster S9 (Planning to adopt post divorce) D mentioned Feb 2015, Wife served 3/24/2015. She moved out 4/15/2015.
Hi. No advice really just a small bit of support Sounds avert tough situation and really hard for S7. So sorry to hear about foster child Are you still in contact with him ?
So last night I couldn't sleep for anything. I tossed and turned all night.
When we got home 1st thing she wants to know from my son is what we did. Then proceeds to tell him that she'd like to do those things too but daddy took all the money when he split the checking (see Sandi's rules). She's been pissed i cut her off and is claiming I only let her have an allowance. Which is not true. I asked how much she needed and gave it to her. I just didn't give her access to everything.
THIS is an example of the types of things you have to document. "Parental alienation" is very seriously, and something family court judges don't look to kindly upon!
You need to do whatever you can to NOT have these kinds of conversations in front of your son.
So this morning, we're explaining things to our S about who will be picking him up... the Wife. The wife then goes downstairs for her workout and he kinda curls up into a little ball in the chair and is withdrawn. I kept engaging him in discussion to tease out what's bothering him... he mentioned that he's not liking this day. That he wants me to be picking him up instead. The bus showed up and he started crying and said that he doesn't want mom to pick him up.
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Hire the best "men's rights" family law attorney you can afford, someone who specializes in paternal custody and who has a strong track record in it.
The lawyer I have is one of the better recommended lawyers in the area. He represents mostly men and has been doing it his whole career. He's known for being a fighter. So I think I have that covered.
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You need to do whatever you can to NOT have these kinds of conversations in front of your son.
Unfortunately, she goes out of her way to have them with him. I've engaged and gotten her to focus on me, but he's still effected. Luckily I have quite a bit recorded. Including a portion of how she's going "f" him up so he associates Disney with misery. This is what I have him seeing his therapist for and the lawyer expects that this will have a play in court.
While I was at the lawyer's office, the W called. I put it on speaker so he could hear. She kinda took offense to that, but oh well. She was stating that she can put anywhere from $800 to $5000 on a retainer for a lawyer, but wanted to know if I was going to work with her and how far I was going to go with this. Kept reiterating debt payoff projections that she expected me to create, she needed account access, etc. BTW, Lawyer said I don't have to give her access as long as I make the information available to her. The lawyer wrote that I should focus the conversation on a temporary custody decree that puts some boundaries in place for 50/50 care. My wife started back on how she can't do it with the debt, etc. I stated that maybe she should have thought about that before this all got started. And that we'll start with the custody decree before working on anything else (take that card off the table). She hung up on us at that point. I texted her and let her know that my lawyer would be drawing up a draft of the temporary decree for her to review.
So fundamentally, the lawyer stated that she can't move my S. And if she does, it would go very badly for her and we'd get an injunction to have him returned. That it would kill any argument she could make later on this topic because of how it's impacting our S.
The lawyer doesn't think she wants him and is only using him as a pawn. That she won't be able to sustain the attention she's giving him. His recommendation is to make sure that our S stays in his current school district and go for 50/50 custody (including physical). Over time he expects her to begin to leave our S with me more and more. That I just document this number of overnights. After 4 to 6 months depending on how much, then we just petition the court to match the decree with what's actually happening. He said this would be the cheapest route. If we have to fight it out, we can but would be expensive. The key to this is keeping him in the same school and that's easy for the next several 6 months and can get baked into the final decree.
To assist with this, the lawyer looked up her boss and his divorce (I got the contact information a while back). I know a lot about him at the moment. Strangely enough, he's got some similar features to me as well, but the chin is different. Key thing is she's getting a lot of her advice from this man and it's not very good or thought out... go figure. Anyway, the lawyer stated that the boss and his wife filed their custody agreement 13 days after filing for divorce and well before the time limit. That he's going to pull their agreement, modify it to fit our situation where it makes sense and send that over to her. So when she takes it to the boss it looks similar to what he did and she's more apt to sign it. I like this attorney.
Worst case, I have the spears for a fight if needed.
Tomorrow she's supposed to take our S to the his therapist. The lawyer said that the therapist would note any difference in behavior he has based on who's bringing him to see her. So we'll see how that goes. I forgot to tell her about the $100 copay... that will be another head spin. I'm curious to see how the W handles it. I'm expecting her to push it onto me.
The lawyer made an interesting observation that might be good to post elsewhere... When women go back to work from being home, school, etc. that they start getting compliments, feeling better about things, feeding their ego, etc. And then they want a divorce. He said 70% of all his cases have this theme. This is pretty close to my situation as a final trigger point.
Me: 45 W43 S7, Foster S9 (Planning to adopt post divorce) D mentioned Feb 2015, Wife served 3/24/2015. She moved out 4/15/2015.
I don't share your enthusiasm, I'm sorry. How can someone known to be tough-minded think your wife would make a suitable "50/50" custodial parent?
I think you should go for 90/10, with her 10% being supervised at a State-approved facility. I don't think she's mentally well, and I don't trust her to not harm your son emotionally (at best), or God forbid physically (at worst).
Yes, it would be more contested, and more expensive. But either you were serious when you met with your local police precinct and started taping your wife's conversations, or you're not. I don't see how you can simultaneously hold the position of "she's dangerous" and "I think 50/50 is fair."
. Her impression is I just sulk. She keeps calling me an idiot for doing things without her consent and "walking all over her" (as if). Plus she has OM validating her position, but I know she's only putting herself in the best possible light. 
