Is there a bottom?

[bravo61]

where i'm right now: was just presented a tax bill i can't pay. found out if the XW had waited till the new year (2015) the difference would have been @7k. we would have gotten a return to split.

i was not in the best frame of mind emotionally when i started my new job. i was told the other day that i'm on "thin ice" and could be fired at any time with no union protection.

the XW just bought a townhouse. we had a plan when she moved here. when the house sold, i was gonna take the profit and with my retirement, we would have had around $100k to put down on a new house. don't see how i'll ever recover financially from this. for years i paid almost double to keep debts low or pay them off. i'm living in a crappy apartment that costs almost double what my home mortgage was in addition to child support. now add a tax payment plan along with credit card bills and i'm officially done.

i know it should pass but i'm feeling pretty hopeless right now.

[Calibri]

Hi Bravo,

I'm sorry you're having a crappy day. I know that everyone here can relate. I hate it when everything seemingly pours in at once.

1. Tax bill. Did ya'll file jointly or married separate? My opinion (not knowing tax laws) but if you guys would've split a return, then you both should split the tax bill. Also, call the IRS -- they do payment plans. Just sent SOMETHING by April 15th and they'll work with you to get it sorted out.

2. Focus on your job, 100%. Make it your new 180. I know exactly where you're coming from. My boss knows about my sitch, and was fairly sympathetic. However, he got seriously stressed out last month ago and lost his cool on me for taking a sick day -- speculating that my personal life was my problem, and that I needed to pull it together or I wouldn't have a job anymore. This was confirmed by HR -- as there was some talk about demoting me to a lower position. While it infuriated me (as one, truly had nothing to do with the other), I made sure that I stepped up my game and always put a happy smile on my face....even if I was gritting my teeth during it.

So sorry for what you're going through -- but I do know that things will get better.

[bravo61]

Thanks for the encouragement everyone.

So yesterday I took the big step and unfriended the X on FB. Felt really pretty good about it.

And then today happened. Went on match to check my daily matches & guess who the first one was. Yep the X, brand new to match. Can't lie, it was a real punch in the gut. Looks like she is looking for a doctor or dentist 35-50. Yea!

This Suuux!

[Maybell]

OUCH.

Sorry.

[bravo61]

Thanks Maybell.

It seems as if I really was never good enough for her, I know that's how I felt at times. Funny thing is, we are a 93% match in spite of all her changes. Who knows, this may just be part of her journey. Her flight of fancy may crash and burn.

The one thing I'm absolutely certain of is I have no control over that & there is nothing I can do to change it. All I can do is love her from afar right now & treat her the way I would want to be treated. Not because of expectations that she treat me that way (although I wouldn't turn that down) but because it's who I am now & the right thing to do.

[Mozza]

Ouch, indeed. At least, my WW is with OM, so this shouldn't happen for a while in my sitch...

All I can do is love her from afar right now & treat her the way I would want to be treated. Not because of expectations that she treat me that way (although I wouldn't turn that down) but because it's who I am now & the right thing to do.

Well then I will ask the questions that came to me yesterday when I saw your post: Why are you bothered that she's on dating sites if you also are there? Doesn't she think, to quote you, that she treats you the same way you treat her? If you don't want her to be on dating sites, why are you there? Are you saying that her profile is painful, but yours is not hurtful?

Sorry if I'm off-base; I haven't followed you as closely lately, so I don't know how you ended up with a profile.

[Sotto]

Bravo, I'm sorry about that - difficult to see I'm sure. There's an irony in the strong match though....

As Mozza says, there's no reason why either of you shouldn't date - but not easy to come 'face to face' on a dating website.

Have you met anyone else nice from the site Bravo?

[bravo61]

Thanks Mozza & Toots for the replies.

I actually joined the site as a way to prepare myself for divorce. My first line is "looking for a friend to introduce me to the city". I haven't made the effort to connect with anyone as of yet due to logistics (working graveyard) & I'm just not ready.

[bravo61]

I did find it interesting that she joined less than 24 hrs after I unfriended her. However who knows if she even noticed.

[Closer2]

I made a completely fake profile on match.com just to see what it was like. I'm a tech guy, but I was in a serious relationship/married when all this internet dating stuff took off.

I also wanted to see if they have any controls that could block or limit the chance of seeing the ex. I haven't tested it much but they don't really have anything in place. They really should I think. Limiting my searches to above or below her age (I'll be honest, I only tried below) is the only way I could see to avoid having the ex as match. She could always lie about her age.

I was not impressed with Match.com. For the first time in my life, I have no desire to date anyone. Repairing this broken machine (me) and making my kids happy is going to be my focus.

bravo61, I imagine it was a big bag of suck to see the ex on match.com. I know I would have been bummed to see my ex on the site. Mozza is right spot-on (as usual). Should we really be upset?

I'll admit, part of me would find great joy in her finding my profile. I would love for her to give me hell about it. That's the petty and vindictive part of me that I want to hide.

So, for the same reasons I nuked my FB, I nuked my match.com account. I don't need social networking or online dating. I don't need to read about my friends, I need to call them and hangout with them. There will be plenty of opportunity to reconnect with old friends and make new friends. Just taking the kids to the park, zoo, or school events will put me around plenty of people. When I'm ready to date, I'll know. Maybe the old fashioned approach of interpersonal communication will make a good impression.