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A Message from Michele
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Re: Married young, W had affair w/ coworker Pt. 3 [Re: UpperCu] #2536108
02/09/15 10:53 PM
02/09/15 10:53 PM
Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 7,319
W
Wonka Offline
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Wonka  Offline
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W
Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 7,319
UC,

I am so sorry to read this. What can you do? W simply wants out and that move to another state is a pretty bold statement.

Although I have to say that 25's husband went Alaskan and stayed away for 2 years. Granted, they had kids which forced them to communicate on logistics and issues as they cropped up. With you, there are no "ties" between you two that would force you and W to communicate.

Tough. I know.

Take care of yourself. Being around friends at this stage will do your PMA wonders. Nothing like being around friends and family during very trying times.

Re: Married young, W had affair w/ coworker Pt. 3 [Re: Wonka] #2536141
02/09/15 11:42 PM
02/09/15 11:42 PM
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 177
U
UpperCu Offline OP
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UpperCu  Offline OP
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U
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 177
Hey Wonka, thanks for dropping in to say hi. :-)

To give some more context, W has been planning to move out of state once she finished her grad program, so it wasn't necessarily a big statement on her part to move - just a natural next step for her career. I've been on board with the plan to move too and was planning to move with her wherever she got a job.

I guess the bold statement is that she accepted a job that would involve her working with OM on a daily basis, which was my primary condition on what needed to change if I were to agree to reconcile the M. But I'm not willing to compromise on that and I think no M is better than an open M.

I'm facing my own relocation decisions that don't involve W which is the biggest thing for me now. Right now I feel like I'm standing on the edge of the diving board looking at the murky water below, unsure if I should make the plunge into what's next. I know I need to jump but I haven't yet. Once I make the leap I'm sure things will begin to look up.


UpperCut
Me: 28 W: 25
Married: 4 yrs Together: 7 yrs
Dday: 9/14 (W ends affair & comes home)
S: 12/14 (W restarted affair 1/15; moved near OM 2/15)
No kids
Re: Married young, W had affair w/ coworker Pt. 3 [Re: UpperCu] #2536735
02/11/15 03:53 AM
02/11/15 03:53 AM
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 1,104
Dallas, TX
J
Jefe Offline
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Jefe  Offline
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J
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 1,104
Dallas, TX
I'm sorry to hear this, UC.

Prayer works. Keep it up and keep working on being an awesome you.


Me 47 - W 35
M 9 - T 10
2 Daughters - 7 & 9
Discovery of EA- 8/4/14
S - 8/5/15
D mentioned - 9/11/14
R & Piecing - 3/17/15
Regard one another as more important than yourselves.
- Philippians 2:3
Re: Married young, W had affair w/ coworker Pt. 3 [Re: Jefe] #2538638
02/15/15 02:14 PM
02/15/15 02:14 PM
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 177
U
UpperCu Offline OP
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UpperCu  Offline OP
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U
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 177
Thanks Jefe! I've been very encouraged by the many people in my life praying for our marriage. I know God's work on a person's heart can take some time.

W emailed me the other day out of the blue updating me on separation stuff. She had already responded to this email I sent a couple weeks ago but apparently realized she left a few things off when she initially responded.

Attorney has had some delays on getting the separation agreement sent out. Should go out this week.


UpperCut
Me: 28 W: 25
Married: 4 yrs Together: 7 yrs
Dday: 9/14 (W ends affair & comes home)
S: 12/14 (W restarted affair 1/15; moved near OM 2/15)
No kids
Re: Married young, W had affair w/ coworker Pt. 3 [Re: UpperCu] #2538665
02/15/15 04:53 PM
02/15/15 04:53 PM
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 1,104
Dallas, TX
J
Jefe Offline
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Jefe  Offline
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Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 1,104
Dallas, TX
UC, our sermon today was on prayer. What/how/when/for whom/why etc and why we don't pray for others like we should. One of the things he emphasized as being God's will was relationships/marriage. He said the prayer circles should do more praying for marriages than for peoples health, even. I wholeheartedly believe that.

Keep praying for her relationship with God and keep praying for your marriage. I don't agree with some here when it comes to prayer for your marriage - there is really no such thing as "selfish" prayer as long as you have the "authority" to pray. As a husband you have the absolute authority and duty to pray for your spouse.

Start praying the hedge of thorns that I mentioned to you before and Google: Rejoice Ministries.

Keep praying my friend. Pray that she will begin to turn towards those that pray for her and away from those that prey upon her.


Me 47 - W 35
M 9 - T 10
2 Daughters - 7 & 9
Discovery of EA- 8/4/14
S - 8/5/15
D mentioned - 9/11/14
R & Piecing - 3/17/15
Regard one another as more important than yourselves.
- Philippians 2:3
Re: Married young, W had affair w/ coworker Pt. 3 [Re: Jefe] #2538682
02/15/15 05:56 PM
02/15/15 05:56 PM
Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 942
Minnesota
W
Wet Offline
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Wet  Offline
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W
Joined: Jun 2014
Posts: 942
Minnesota
^^^ that's good counsel Jefe. Nice prayers also.


Me-54 yrs; W: 50 yrs
4 kids- D: 22,20,19; S:15
"Trial" Divorce: 04/14 - 6/14
Separated: 06/2013- divorced 08/2016

“The strongest of all warriors are these two — Time and Patience.” War and Peace
Re: Married young, W had affair w/ coworker Pt. 3 [Re: Wet] #2539099
02/16/15 11:39 PM
02/16/15 11:39 PM
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 177
U
UpperCu Offline OP
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UpperCu  Offline OP
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U
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 177
Thanks for the site(s) Jefe. I pray for my W and our M each day, but I have been filled with an overwhelming burden to pray more often for the sitch this past week.

I'm praying right now for my W to be filled with overwhelming sadness in the A, and to be filled with overwhelming joy in Christ. Our M is a representation of Christ's love for the church, and W even acknowledged she recognized my love for her was Christlike before she moved out.

I'm praying for your sitch as well Jefe.


UpperCut
Me: 28 W: 25
Married: 4 yrs Together: 7 yrs
Dday: 9/14 (W ends affair & comes home)
S: 12/14 (W restarted affair 1/15; moved near OM 2/15)
No kids
Re: Married young, W had affair w/ coworker Pt. 3 [Re: UpperCu] #2542475
02/26/15 04:03 AM
02/26/15 04:03 AM
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 177
U
UpperCu Offline OP
Member
UpperCu  Offline OP
Member
U
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 177
Some of W's grad school friends extended an invite tonight to hang out. She is currently out of state. I obliged to hang out. Had a fun time and they all asked about my GAL stuff. Seems like they all thought I would be in the pits, but it felt good to be going strong with my own life. I had a good time and no one even mentioned W all night.

Intel shows W will be in town this weekend... Haven't heard anything about the S agreement from W or Atty this week. She should be receiving, signing, and returning it soon.


UpperCut
Me: 28 W: 25
Married: 4 yrs Together: 7 yrs
Dday: 9/14 (W ends affair & comes home)
S: 12/14 (W restarted affair 1/15; moved near OM 2/15)
No kids
Re: Married young, W had affair w/ coworker Pt. 3 [Re: UpperCu] #2542490
02/26/15 05:22 AM
02/26/15 05:22 AM
Joined: Dec 2014
Posts: 561
CA
C
Complex Offline
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Complex  Offline
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C
Joined: Dec 2014
Posts: 561
CA
Glad to hear you have a good time and move on. Good thing you are even able to hang with mutual friends and they don't even mention W and enjoy your company.
Keep praying. I'll pray now too smirk


Me 32 (German) Wife 28
T 3yrs M 2yrs
Moved to US for W
No kids
BD 6/2014
In house separation
Confirmed EA 1/2015
(ongoing since BD)
OM not ready
Real D talk started 1/27/15


Re: Married young, W had affair w/ coworker Pt. 3 [Re: Complex] #2550269
03/23/15 05:01 PM
03/23/15 05:01 PM
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 1,104
Dallas, TX
J
Jefe Offline
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Jefe  Offline
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J
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 1,104
Dallas, TX
How's it going UC?


Me 47 - W 35
M 9 - T 10
2 Daughters - 7 & 9
Discovery of EA- 8/4/14
S - 8/5/15
D mentioned - 9/11/14
R & Piecing - 3/17/15
Regard one another as more important than yourselves.
- Philippians 2:3
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