MLC = my last chance

[123Gwen]

Thanks for checking on me Job. Getting close to a financial separation agreement and that is a comfort though once it is signed I think H will consider himself divorced and may even file shortly thereafter. I know logically I could not have stopped this but yet I feel like a failure. I read DBusting after BD and by then he was living across the country. I was foolish to think we were a team. I am trying not feel like a victim but sometimes I just feel that pity party coming on strong.

Focusing on better news--- The new job is going really well. The girls are good considering all that happened. They know they can count on me and each other. I have controlled what I can and have not become a sad, angry woman.

I have learned that looking back won't give me any comfort. I can't alter the past so I have finally quit that analyzing and what if stage. That was a big accomplishment for me because I was overthinking every day of our lives and not getting many answers. I was far from perfect but there was never any sense of H wanting out of the marriage until the OW. It is all so textbook - the MLC. Oops maybe I am not past that overanalyzing stage?

Considering the situation I am doing ok. How are you?

[job]

Gwen,
I'm glad to read that the new job is going well and the girls are doing good too.

As for the final separation agreement, you h probably already considered himself divorced when the switch was flipped. What you have been feeling, i.e., like a failure, is very normal after having the bomb dropped. Your h had choices and he chose the wrong ones and one day, he'll probably think about those choices and wonder why he made them. By then, you will have moved on.

I think you've been handling things quite well and the advice/support you have been providing to others as been excellent.

Hang in there! Things will get better.

[sunshinelewis]

Thinking of you Gwen........hugs

[dejavu2]

Gwen - I'm new to all this as husband just BD end of January. I can relate to many aspects of your situation. You have many people who want to see you become better for yourself. Getting a career again after so many years is fantastic. I am getting inspiration from your journey.

[vge1]

Hi 123Gwen.

Praying for you. I so get what you mean. The rollercoaster. It's awful but just know that we are all here for you. You will survive. BETTER than before. Everything will work out for the good.. CAN'T WAIT ;-)

In His love,

VGE1

Romans 8:28

[dejavu2]

What are you & husbands personality types - introvert/extrovert?

[123Gwen]

H is an introvert and I am the extrovert. They say opposites attract and in many ways that is true. Ying and yang, peas and carrots --- The funny thing is that whenever we had to tackle something important we were always completely on the same page. Totally in agreement about all the big stuff. Obviously that doesn't guarantee much though.

[123Gwen]

I received the separation papers today. Where I live the terms of the separation survive a divorce so this was extremely difficult to deal with so close after BD. I felt I had no choice with H moving so far away and then discovery of OW. I had not worked in 2 decades and 2 girls who are older but not yet on their own.

In my mind I kept telling myself this is just a separation. Technically it is separation and not divorce but this week I am reminded that my perception is irrelevant. I am irrelevant.

Started officially new job on Monday at permanent assignment. Rec'd separation papers on Tuesday. Email from H on Wednesday saying he is quitting his job and took another in the town where OW lives on Thursday. Signed papers on Friday. Also found out Friday why everyone quits this job.

I am just strung out emotionally. would go into depth about phone conversation with H Thursday night but who knows what's true about that. H says new job is 60% travel. H may try to come here to see the girls. He said he thought I hated him. I ride and said I am incapable of that emotion but I am so angry.

Now that the terms of the financial settlement have been signed I guess Ijust could finally be honest with him and let out the emotion. It was not smart to do that before now. Then again it wasn't very smart now. I basically said that I am an idiot and I'd take you back without saying the words.

I am so tired. Just exhausted really trying to reach a place of acceptance. Just when I think I've gotten there it all blows up again.

Will post again when I have a grip on things. Glad it is time for a new thread. A good metaphor for my life.

[job]

Gwen,
Breathe. You've had too many things hit you emotionally this week. Take some time to recharge and find your footing again. Come back and post when you feel better.

[123Gwen]

So cried a lot of the last 72 hours. A release of sorts. A relief as well. Phone call with H was so full of emotion but not sure if it honest emotion or just a sense of nostalgia. The thing is I just can't discern the truth anymore. In the end I offered an olive branch if you will. We decided on a code word - a starting place if the day ever comes when H wants to really do the work to attempt a R. Not sure if I will ever hear that code word and if the day ever arrives I am not sure what kind of response I will be capable of giving.

I reminded H that a separation is not a divorce and that the sacrament of marriage is unbreakable though I love him enough to let him go. I just couldn't allow this post separation agreement life to start with bitterness. Though I have felt gut punched one too many times.