Well, that's got to be seen as a positive reply hasn't it? H didn't say flat out, no etc, he wants to think about things. Fingers crossed your H realises what he would be losing. Keep strong Toots
BD - 30TH JAN 2015 S - 30TH JAN 2015 PA CONFIRMED - 16TH FEB 2015 (SINCE AT LEAST OCT 2014) CONTINUAL TALK OF D ME: 31 W: 28 T: 10yrs M: 4.5yrs D:5, S:6
Thanks guys. I truly had no expectations in sending the email. I felt I had nothing more to lose and I felt at peace with what I wrote.
It seems it may have given H some pause for thought though - a more positive response than I would have ever expected. But again I really do need to have no expectations, given all the other comments about ongoing fogginess and so on...I need to expect that our D may be underway any time soon.
Thanks for your support....xx
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Positive development toots. Glad for you. In my opinion it's even harder to stay strong when these positive things happen so please stay strong!
Me 32 (German) Wife 28 T 3yrs M 2yrs Moved to US for W No kids BD 6/2014 In house separation Confirmed EA 1/2015 (ongoing since BD) OM not ready Real D talk started 1/27/15
Funny, that I feel a bit frightened at the slight glimmer of change in our sitch. Our M is hanging in the balance this week. But then I told myself - it was hanging in the balance anyways...
It has helped me to truly know that I will be okay either way. And I truly feel better for having told H I love him and D isn't my choice. He will do with that what he will.
The unhelpful thought I'm having is what if he's using this week to give OW ultimatums? That would make our marriage plan B. The other scary thing is that he is still sounding pretty foggy. And I do think extreme caution would be needed if we start to turn away from imminent D.
I guess for me, I don't want a D. So, if D proceedings don't start now, that would be a positive. That buys some more time. If so, it may just be a case of baby steps forwards. Whichever way, I'm glad that I have done what I've done. And that's the main thing. However this turns out...
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Toots, I think it's completely normal and understandable you feel frightened. I think many people would in your sitch. You've been doing just fine without H, living your life and GALing away and not speaking and all the sudden he pops up. And now you've got a week of not knowing and waiting on him. Keep yourself busy this week, I know it's hard but try not to think too much or wonder what he is up to. You've done a great job, stay strong T! x
Me 28 / H 28 M 1 / T 2.5 BOMB 12-3-14 "I don't feel like myself any more" Still living together, separate rooms.
Well, had a very nice day with my lovely Mum. Took a big pile of laundry and got that done whilst I was there. Bought Mum some chocolates and a movie and we watched that this afternoon. All very gentle and nice.
Back at the flat now and just poured a little glass of wine. Edz, you'll be glad to know I have nice clean sheets tonight!
All quiet on the H front today. I'm trying to just relax about it and think - hey, we were on the brink of D a few days ago. And that may still happen and that's okay. I'd be pleasantly surprised if H comes back with something positive. As Starsky said - there is still fog there, and I really do need to proceed with caution.
I like Starsky's idea of 'pausing' any legal stuff for 3 months and 'seeing/dating' each other for that time period. Just to see where that goes. But I really have minimal expectations and best to stay that way I think....
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Hi Toots, your dealing with it very well. You will be happy again. You will be loved again and you will be a fantastic partner for someone again, have no doubt, what's happening now will only make you stronger and you will see that one day.
In the UK, you can only file for a 'fault-free D' after 2 years S.
I think now based on your H answer, and the above fact, it is time to go dark, or very dim again.
let him think and since I dont believe the one week time he said it may now be months or years until you hear back from him again. If the OW is really gone then he will go through OW withdrawal/depression so he will still be in a fog. After that you may see him turn back towards you, but still be in crisis.
