I hope you don't mind me asking but Just how "deep" were you with the OM? My wife is convinced she's in love with her OP.
Me:33 W:34 T:13 M:8.5 D mentioned & S 2/13/15 "We can never get back together" 4/2/15 Visited & Mentioned she hasn't filed 4/20/15 "I want to have cats back" 5/4/15 Served D papers 5/8/15
You're not alone there. My WW is very much in love with OM and has also told him she wants to be with him forever. This is an EA/PA OM she has known for eight months and seen in person only once. She's prepared to move our two young kids out of state, away from their families and father, to be with this man forever. The selfishness and complete disregard for others (her young children even!) makes me physically ill.
Me: 30 W: 25 D4, D1 Undiscovered EA/PA since 6/2014 BD: 2/6/15 Living together - in limbo
That is my point in the difference between a WAW who may have substantial reasons for leaving her H.......and the wayward W. It is as if something comes over the WW, giving her a completely opposite mindset. It is utterly crazy to consider leaving her family and going to a live with a total stranger. However, I was actually guilty of that very thing!
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
That's exactly what it is, a totally different mindset. One that is irreversibly logic/reason-proof. For example, I have intel that OM is pushing her away a bit (perhaps it's the "forever" talk from a married woman with two kids). Does this show my WW "the light?" No, instead she blames me for creating her barriers to OM (e.g. blaming the kids).
I'm finding there is no simple answer to this - I have to let her go and follow her own path. The hardest part is gathering the strength to start that process by following my own path.
Me: 30 W: 25 D4, D1 Undiscovered EA/PA since 6/2014 BD: 2/6/15 Living together - in limbo
That's exactly what it is, a totally different mindset. One that is irreversibly logic/reason-proof. For example, I have intel that OM is pushing her away a bit (perhaps it's the "forever" talk from a married woman with two kids). Does this show my WW "the light?" No, instead she blames me for creating her barriers to OM (e.g. blaming the kids).
I'm finding there is no simple answer to this - I have to let her go and follow her own path. The hardest part is gathering the strength to start that process by following my own path.
Yep, I'm in the same boat. W left family/me to try and get OM to commit. 6 months later, he's still with his GF and W is still in pursuit!?!? What is she thinking, now she's making stuff up (after telling me she had longed planned to leave for him) about how I'm the only reason she left. It's so hard not to expose the A to his GF, however pretty much everyone else has figured it out. It's only a matter of time, that will get blamed on me also.
I said to my IC, it's so crazy that she's pushing away the one that cares to try and win the one that doesn't give a hoot about her. Like everyone says.....no logic at all.
Last edited by MCS; 03/14/1511:12 PM.
M:36 W:37 T: 15 M:11 S6 D5 BD: 8/10/14 IDLY: 8/12/14 S: 8/13/14 (she left, I stayed w/ kids) D Mentioned: 10/15/14 Confronted about OM: 10/15/14 EA: ~4/13 PA: ~10/13 She filed: 8/15 (not final)
I've been reading your thread, thank-you for sharing. I saw that the books from the womensinfidelity site helped you.
My W moved in with with her best friend last weekend. I'm practicing a lot of your tips and guidelines and not contacting her. When she stopped by yesterday to pick some things up she expressed a lot remorse. She has said she is sorry and acknowledged that she has a lot to work out. There has been no R talk.
Would it be appropriate to send her a link to the books? Let her know that these might help? Or should I continue to leave her alone to figure things out.
Me:43, WW:45 2 Kids: 21,22 Married: 23 Years Bomb: 01/2015 Separate Bedrooms: 02/2015 She left: 03/2015
Hi Burger, definitely no links to the books I would say. Your W needs to travel her own path and this would just be you trying to 'fix' her and control the outcome - ie: she reads the books and turns back to you.
She needs to reach her own realisations in her own time. Keep your focus on yourself, and becoming the man you want to be...
T x
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
