Confused

[Joe46]

I don't know. I am still thinking about what just happened. If wife leaves, son can stay or go with her. I have no idea what son knows or what she has told him. If anything. She asked me if we were going to tell the kids tonight that I don't want her in the house anymore.
I said that I will tell them the truth, that mom doesn't love dad anymore.

[Vanilla]

Joe

All you are stating is your boundary. Stick to that Joe and I think that would be wisest.

You do not know that mom does not love dad, no words in WW mouth. That is control, no threats Joe. No speaking for W ok?

Also your boundary is that W has a choice, if she continues business then in the basement. It would be wise to stick to your boundary and make that your choice.

Move to master bed room If you can.

V

[CaliGuy]

She is trying to make you out to be the bad guy here, you are controlling and kicking her out.

The R between her and the kids is completely her issue, I have seen many times here where its recommended we not expose them, but we clearly state we are not going to lie to protect them either. I would not say "Mom does not love dad anymore" She may or may not ... who knows .. truth is Mom has made a choice to leave and I will not stop her from doing that.

I would tell her, its her choice to leave or stay, You can not allow her choices to effect you. "I will not stay in a marriage that is against my morals where my W is disrespecting me, our M, our Family and our children by carrying on with what you are doing. We can tell the children but I am not going to support you in this choice that you have clearly made, nor will I lie on your behalf." is something very close to what I told my W.

[Cadet]

I will keep checking in until a Vet joins us.

I think you are qualified V.

Good job!

[Joe46]

Good point V. But she has told me that she doesn't know what she wants a few times when I asked her in the past if she still loved me. Back when I was doing the wrong thing.

[Joe46]

I never even said anything to her about her having to leave. I told her that it was her choice. Quit the job and work on the marriage or keep doing the job and I will just go on with my life. I said either way i don't support this kind of job. I choose that I don't want to be involved in it.

[Vanilla]

Good point V. But she has told me that she doesn't know what she wants a few times when I asked her in the past if she still loved me. Back when I was doing the wrong thing.

Can I remind you of Sandi guidelines?

Do not believe 100% of what they say and only 50% of what they do

Joe whatever you were doing, WW decided, chosse to be wayward and not address her M and her boundaries

Your boundary Joe, speak for Joe and what Joe wants

It is clear to me that your boundary does not include 'throw you out' . That is W trying to make a distraction.

V

[Joe46]

Thank you V. I struggle with that stuff alot. I have been controlling in the past. I am trying to change. During times like these, it is tough. I always feel like I am doing the wrong thing. Handling it wrong. Saying the wrong things.

I did state during our conversations that I was only thinking about me. She could do whatever she wants. I was just choosing not to live in this drama anymore! And it is against my morals.

[Vanilla]

Joe

You have travelled a long way this evening in your journey.

I am so very pleased for you and this is huge in your own personal growth and I believe this will change your sitch with W enormously. The light of truth is there.

Your boundary Joe. Let W be W and Joe be Joe. As long as you stick to your boundary then you are in control of you.

V

[Joe46]

Thank You V! You have helped me so much with this today. You have no idea. I am forever grateful for you, cadet, sandi and the others I have talked to. I have alot of work to do for myself, but I feel better and feel like I will be okay. I have my own cell phone plan!! Yay!!