My GAL last night was not as much fun as I'd hoped, since the rain really put a damper on things. But at least I had dinner out with a friend.
Yesterday was NC with H, which set a record for two NC days in a row. And made it three of the last four. I think its weird to live with someone 27 years and then suddenly not have anything to say.
rppfl, I'm sure there is lots that you'd *like* to say to your H but can't. You impress me with how evenly you handled the flowers, kiss, then no contact behavior of your H. You seem to have a good sense of detachment in not having expectations about his actions. Good for you!
M: 43 H: 39 D: 14 Married 15 Together 16 BD: 6/2014 S: 8/2014 OW revealed 10/2014 Instigated dissolution 12/2014, in progress So over it!
Thanks Ahoy. I do try to stay the same no matter what he does. And I think I manage that pretty well.
It's just the little things I miss. Having someone to tell who I ran into at the grocery, what I heard on NPR, what the dr said, something I tried at the new restaurant. That's what I think is so useless, having to give that up. I guess he already has someone else to talk about those things with, something I should be keeping in mind.
I hear you. When at a movie today with D14, I could vividly imagine my H there, as he was in old times, holding my hand, and then us discussing it all together as a family. That will never be again, and that is something worth mourning. But I did have friends there, and we could talk about it. And that helps. It's not the same, but we have to feel complete within ourselves to fully heal, I suppose.
M: 43 H: 39 D: 14 Married 15 Together 16 BD: 6/2014 S: 8/2014 OW revealed 10/2014 Instigated dissolution 12/2014, in progress So over it!
Today was s good day, kind of busy. Church this morning, D12's school carnival all afternoon, and a basketball game tonight. I saw H at church, very briefly at the carnival, and then we texted some kid schedule things this evening. I'm fully prepared for NC to resume tomorrow. And as stupid as I think it is, that's the way it is apparently.
Originally Posted By: Ahoy
we have to feel complete within ourselves to fully heal, I suppose.
I know this is true. And I am feeling more at peace with myself lately than I have in a long time.
Are you letting him string you along? I mean, do you give him the impression that you are okay with being the backup plan? I'm not judging at all, just wondering how you feel about that. Is that acceptable to you?
I certainly don't feel like I'm giving the impression that I'm ok with being the backup. I've ignored the booty calls, don't initiate contact other than kids and house when necessary. He knows I go out and am not moping at home. The kiss was an isolated anniversary incident. I do act friendly and we continue to do things as a family. Hard to say how he interprets that.
You mentioned earlier that it was a kiss from a sexy guy. What is your definition of sexy?
I'm reminded of a meme (back before the word meme) of a sexy guy (or woman) with the caption "No matter how good they look someone, somewhere is tired of their sh!t!"
Where are your feelings in all this? I'm talking gut level reactions, not what you think you should feel. Dig around, see what surfaces. I think you've buried them so deep for so long, possibly explained them away, that you don't recognize them.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
You mentioned earlier that it was a kiss from a sexy guy. What is your definition of sexy?
I was using the word sexy as in physically attractive. He is. Still. I hear your point about sexy being more than physical. And when I'm out and I look around at guys, there are non-physical things that I find a real turn-off. But I just do think my H is sexy.
Originally Posted By: labug
Where are your feelings in all this? I'm talking gut level reactions, not what you think you should feel. Dig around, see what surfaces. I think you've buried them so deep for so long, possibly explained them away, that you don't recognize them.
I really was being honesty earlier in my answer to bdub:
Originally Posted By: rppfl
The kiss was easy. He's the only guy I've been with for 27 years, it's all I know.
It was flattering. A sexy guy wanted to kiss me.
There was a slight bit of a power rush, I could have allowed the kiss or denied it, my choice. I could have had more, I turned it down.
I did not feel any hope or expectation, it doesn't change anything.
And again, I totally hear your point about me suppressing my emotions. That's true. I did that for a lot of years, and I do acknowledge that I'm perhaps out of practice. So I'll sit with this one a while more and see if anything else pops up.
But even if every word of the above turns out to be genuine for me, that doesn't mean I'm excusing how he's treated me over the years, or how he's acting now. Wait...I guess that does conflict with sexy, how could I consider verbal belittling sexy?
Hmmmm.....ok, now I"m getting there. Let me take a short commercial break......
rppfl -- if someone makes you feel like you are not living up to their standard, then that is not a healthy relationship. Sexy does not equal a good or worthwhile long-term partner. Because sexy doesn't get the bills paid, the dishes washed, does not drive you to the hospital, etc. It makes me sad to hear you think that he is this amazing guy, and you just weren't good enough for him. Frankly, because of his actions, I think you are the much better person in this equation. And he frankly does not live up to my moral standards. Sexy fades. Morals shouldn't. Just sayin'
M: 43 H: 39 D: 14 Married 15 Together 16 BD: 6/2014 S: 8/2014 OW revealed 10/2014 Instigated dissolution 12/2014, in progress So over it!
