Ganb8te 5 - Escaping the abyss

[Vanilla]

Toots

Thank you for your lovely observation. I will try to explain a little if I can.

Plain Vanilla is one of my shadows. H described me that way and I bought it because this little shadow was inside. I have always been slender and small framed and because of illness, steroids inactivity and too much bad food became big and unhealthy. But I bought and embedded the image of PV and headed that way for a while, lost, lonely and a large puddle of unattractive goop. I bought it because I felt that way about myself. Toots, I feel that way still occasionally and that is when I treat PV as an old friend and I give her my special care and attention. There was an episode of CSI where Grisome found a beauty queen who had become a bag lady and who had tried to save her sister from her fate. That resonated for me.

Plain Vanilla is the shadow sister who is helping me become. There is a lot to learn by projecting her and allowing her to teach me humility and self love.

The elf you describe is there behind me, she will come out to play at Ceroc tomorrow. Today I need PV to motivate me and give me strength in the gym, at work and at play.

Apologies Gan for the hijack.

V

[Vanilla]

Gan,

Looking for an update please................

See you posting around the board, but I am keen when you are ready of course to know how you are.

Susan is going to Romania, somewhere that I have never been. Have you?

V

[gan]

Presently in Amsterdam, V. Loving it! Have been checking board occasionally - - only chiming in if I can keep it quick. Back home over the weekend.

[gan]

Bah...jet lag! Fell asleep at 8pm during yoga nidra and now it's 2am and I can't get to sleep. Generally quiet mind on the R front though so that's a positive. Hope my northern hemisphere colleagues are having a good day out there.

[Wonka]

Gan,

Ahhh...my fav European towns are Amsterdam, Brugges, and Baden-Baden.

[Sotto]

Welcome home Gan. Hope you managed to get back to sleep. Sounds like you had a good trip?

Any news from H while you were away?

T x

[gan]

Wonka - yes, Amsterdam would be up there for me too, though it's probably time I pay a visit to more places just to be sure ;-)

Toots - funny. It hadn't even occurred to me that there could have been any update from H. I guess that's zero expectations for you! Meetup is next Tuesday!

[Maybell]

G, what's your status? I'm sorry -- I was following you for a long time, then I went into a bit of a hole and lost track of some people I cared about. You have no update from your H, you're still married, but you don't communicate? Is that right?

I'm glad you enjoyed the trip I didn't realize you were on. Best to you!!!

[Sotto]

Excellent job on the zero expectations there Gan! Times like these you realise you've come a long way....

Hope the jetlag is improving ((Gan))

[gan]

Hey Maybell! I confess that I've not checked in on you for a while either. Sorry to hear that you've been in a bit of a hole.

Yeah, I'm still "married" - but we can't file till May so... Last time I saw H was in December with a couple of texts in between. You've stopped by at a good time though as next week there is some action! After a lengthy internal debate, I reached out to H before I left for Europe just to say it would be nice to catch up when I got back. No expectations. He responded warmly and locked in a date. Actually I think this is a pattern - he won't initiate contact on his own, but once I have for whatever reason, he goes the extra mile and invites me out for a drink. Depending on how things are going next Tuesday I may ask what he thinks about the idea of getting together a bit more regularly if there is something fun on. But mostly I plan to do this:

Here's a novel idea.... the WAS that left you because they didn't want to be with you is suddenly spending more time with you, suddenly communicating with you more often, doing things with you, smiling with you, is comfortable with you. Keep doing what you're doing! Don't bring up relationship talk, talks of reconciling, enjoy the moment! Stop worrying about the future, you don't know what tomorrow will bring so stop worry about tomorrow, enjoy today if today is the day your WAS wants to talk with you and share a drink or a meal with you or wants to do something with you & the kids. Be humble and appreciate the time you have with them, don't hasten the process and demand that things have to change and that you need to reconcile at this moment. Consider this a form of dating even if it isn't officially labeled as such.