Rysinmans climb after WAW!

[RysinMn]

25year, I realized after the fact my approach was off. I was tired and cranky two thinks not conducive to shoot from the hip. I later wrote an email stating facts and to the reason I was upset and asked her to just be mindful of the time and if it's late just park in the street as to not wake me up. She agreed and things have been far more cordial than normal.

[25yearsmlc]

Maybe silence is better. Seriously, it might be. Yet I'd feel the need to deny something in a very "NON engaging" clear way. And then it would become my mantra.

Otherwise there is the possibility she'll say "he didn't even bother denying it".

Yeah, W seems to really love drama right now. She just sent me a lengthy email about our encounter lastnight. She expressed that she was trying to be quiet, and she said she would park in the street to avoid waking me up.

Then she transitions right into telling me she knows I have had a dinner and watched a movie with OM's ex. And that all the second hand info I am receiving needs to stop. she then went into a speech about me talking to family and Friends and calling her names like, callous, selfish, and and disrespectful. And she feels like it is destructive to our situation. And she feels like she doesn't do it to me. I almost responded but I didnt. The only answer I gave her was the street parking is best thank you.

Do you think I answered that correctly, I wanted to address the statement about me talking and calling her names to other people but I didnt. I do not believe those are name calling or talking crap. It is a observation of the situation and how it is being handled. Well that is from my side of things.

Can I assume that nothing she said about you, is true?

Or parts of it? Whatever is false, including if it is all of it, I'd say that.


"W, for the record, none of what you just said is true or fair. I won't dignify it more than that. And yes, parking on the street would help. Thanks."

Do NOT engage beyond that.

If she tries to drag you with more crap or spew or even specifics,

you repeat the above. And then you hang up or leave the room or shut the door.

It's about as clear, firm & CALM as it gets. And that is powerful.

[Complex]

I want to add sth to what 25yr said to joke answering wife about OW etc.
I actually don't think you should say stuff like this. It might come across as passive aggressive and could be interpreted as sarcastic by W...even if you send like you are really joking. Passive aggressiveness is a DB enemy.

I don't fully understand what you meant 25yr about LS. What does CA mean?
LS is definitely a better option when the relationship is really damaged and unrepairable at the moment, and got the 4 reasons you listed.
I often end up with the question how beneficial or tricky it is to stretch any legal process as much as possible (unless there is financial danger or something)!? Because if you don't have to protect assets or so why not stretch everything to the maximum legally?

[RysinMn]

So in context they are false. I did have another woman over for dinner and a movie but I also had male friends as well. I have NOT however slept with anyone. But she thinks it just me and said female and that is not the case. Each time I had a male friend over as well. And I have been careful as to not be alone with any female right now. So I don't know how to approach that. I think I should possibly leave it be. I don't know. I am without a doubt not doing she thinks I am.

[Complex]

Rysin, does it matter what she thinks?
You take the high road. You are the one valuing the M vows. Keep doing that, if she asks be honest, confident and the best Rysin you can be. You know the truth.
And women are usually smart about these things. She is trying to challenge you. It's a mind game not more. If you take the high road the truth will eventually get through the woman's grapevine right? But DBing is not about making someone believe the truth, it's about living it!

[RysinMn]

I really don't care what she thinks anymore, to be honest and the reason for that is she sees everything through a veiled glass right now. I am going to continue to do me and live for me. I am taking a nice bike ride today I'm excited for the freedom.

[DaddyLongShanks]

I really don't care what she thinks anymore, to be honest and the reason for that is she sees everything through a veiled glass right now. I am going to continue to do me and live for me. I am taking a nice bike ride today I'm excited for the freedom.

Thats very good to hear.

[RysinMn]

Hello everyone,
Just checking in to let you all know i am still kicking. I have been trying my best to GAL. Kinda had a weird situation occure this past friday, not necesarily to me but to W. I went out with a friend for a festival here in honolulu, it is called first friday. bars and shops are open really late to show art and just have a good time. I went to a Bar/art studio where they had live musice and live paintings. i ended up dancing with a big group of ladies, just having a good time. Well i get at text at like 230AM from friend. he was out with W that night. he said dude i saw you dancing and you looked like you were having a blast, and then he stated that they were headed to the house. i sent him a message saying i would be home really late/early like 5AM since i was just doing me and not to wait up. when i got back both were still sitting there on the couch. i went to bed! The next day he said that they had ended up at the same place as me just upstairs. He said W walked up to him and was like (hubby) is out there dancing with all kinds of girls. and he walked to window and was like. oh snap he sure is! To me i could care less i am no longer hers to care either way. But he said she acted really annoyed or upset. My question is am i doing the wrong thing going out and enjoying myself? i have done nothing to break the vows i have made, but i know looks and perception can be just as bad. But then at the same time i can't help but laugh that it happened.

This past monday she came to the house and myself, friend and W were talking about the past friday, she brought it up....! She was like man i was so drunk i dont even remember where we ended up. I just kinda chuckled and stated that i ended the night with a chicken pesto sandwich, and that i had a great time. Inside i knew where she was going with that statement but i refused to give it anymore thought. Gave me a little pleasure to hear the comment, i don't really know why but it did!

Other than that finished both finals this weekend as well.

[Starsky309]

Looks like you really DO still care what she thinks.

[Complex]

Looks like you really DO still care what she thinks.

Yep. Too much "she", not enough "I".
By the way WAS's do that, they reflect their own immoral behaviour on you. Psychology 101, blaming others for what you have screwed up yourself.
Just relax and keep doing what you are doing, but keep taking the high road or W will lose all respect for you.