WAW Dating - Oh noes!!..

[LoveMyW]

Thanks for the reply Jim..

Having the kids every weekend wouldn't be too much of an issue for me, although obviously my personal GAL on those weekends will probably suffer.. W has said that it would be flexible as in that S's can miss a weekend if I have something to do etc.. In all honesty though, a WAW can't really be trusted in this situation.. I don't like anyone else looking after the kids when they are with me as that is my time, so if W can't keep her end of the deal then I am out if something is needed to be done..

I can't see her letting me down, but I didn't see her initiating our sitch either..

As I said before, I would love to have the kids more as any self respecting father who has the opportunity would BUT am I wrong in seeing the fact that W needs to face the reality of the sitch that she chose??.. She is finding things a bit harder than she thought by the sound of things, and it just seems fishy that it has come when everything else lately in my sitch started..

[LoveMyW]

Any vets care to chime in??..

[MrBond]

"obviously my personal GAL on those weekends will probably suffer.."

Why? Doing something new with the kids can be GAL. It's just how you perceive it. If they're not important to want to share experiences with, then get a sitter.

"In all honesty though, a WAW can't really be trusted in this situation.."

What do you mean by that? If she has them on her time, you really can't control if she wants to get a sitter or not.

"I don't like anyone else looking after the kids when they are with me as that is my time, so if W can't keep her end of the deal then I am out if something is needed to be done.."

That's a choice you make. It's not your W's fault.

"I can't see her letting me down, but I didn't see her initiating our sitch either.."

Mindreading. You really don't know what she's going to do so stop trying to predict it. It'll drive you crazy.

"As I said before, I would love to have the kids more as any self respecting father who has the opportunity would BUT am I wrong in seeing the fact that W needs to face the reality of the sitch that she chose??"

Yes you are wrong. You're saying that as a manner of control. What your W feels or will feel is up to her. You can't control that. All you can do is control your own actions and live to the best of YOUR ability.

[LoveMyW]

Thanks for the reply Mr Bond..

Ok, what I meant by personal GAL is if I have something on later at night, or something I can't take kids to.. I already do A LOT of GAL with the kids, and nothing would change in that respect.. There aren't many sitters where I live, and I don't really have anyone to turn to if I do need a sitter..

I mean WAW can't be trusted to be relied on if I couldn't take them one day/weekend.. If W knows I have them, then her prospective plans would be made well In advance, so I can't rely on her to say "Ill have them" etc..

I understand that it isn't W's fault, but her offer stated that she could look after them when I couldn't have them.. Refer to my above paragraph as to why..

i didn't mean it to sound controlling, but I have seen comments on other peoples threads that point to needing to show WAW that these are the actions of her decisions.. I guess it doesn't apply here though from what you have said..

I'll take it onboard.. I am controlling my actions, and I'm trying to live to the best oft abilities.. I guess there is a loss of trust in my W along the line there somewhere..

[MrBond]

The other people's threads are wrong. You can't "make" someone see something or suffer something. There are just actions and reactions to those actions. Bottom line is that you can only do what you want to do and control your own actions.

[edz]

Hi LMW

While I know what people are getting at in their threads I have to agree with MrBond above. You can only 100% definitely change you, your actions, comments and even the way you think and react to things. Nothing else. But if you can master changing those, really changing those, you can change a lot.

It doesn't guarantee ever being able to get your w to change or even necessarily notice let alone change (nothing can guarantee that bar her) but, boy, will it make it easier to live life as you if you're not consumed by it all and you continue as the new improved and shiny LMW.

Hang in there.

[LoveMyW]

The other people's threads are wrong. You can't "make" someone see something or suffer something. There are just actions and reactions to those actions. Bottom line is that you can only do what you want to do and control your own actions.

Copy that.. I just keep seeing people saying about making the WAS own their decision.. Guess I was looking too much in to it..

[LoveMyW]

Hi LMW

While I know what people are getting at in their threads I have to agree with MrBond above. You can only 100% definitely change you, your actions, comments and even the way you think and react to things. Nothing else. But if you can master changing those, really changing those, you can change a lot.

It doesn't guarantee ever being able to get your w to change or even necessarily notice let alone change (nothing can guarantee that bar her) but, boy, will it make it easier to live life as you if you're not consumed by it all and you continue as the new improved and shiny LMW.

Hang in there.

Cheers edz.. I'm currently "grasshoppering" changing etc, and I am getting to yoda's level!!.. Still working on it though!!..

DB kind of hard to fully get the head around ATM I'm thinking.. I thought part of the plan was to let the WAS own their decision.. Obviously I have that wrong and need to adjust my thinking..

I'm hanging in buddy!!.. Now, decisions, decisions!!..

[LoveMyW]

Hey all!!.. Well it's been a while, so time for a bit of an update..

Work and GAL have kept me pretty busy lately hence the slackness in updating and posting.. There also hasn't been anything really happening in my sitch up until a couple of days ago, and the ride keeps going!!..

The child visitation arrangement that was put to me hasn't come back up again either!!.. I did ask W about it and she said she has to think about it more as she enjoys her weekends with them too..

Things between myself and W have been coasting along ok for the bulk of the time since my last update, with only her up-downs the sticky areas.. There has been the occasional spew on a low-medium level for the smallest of things and the hot/cold with contact and temperament etc..

The last 3-4 days W has seemed to have delved right back in to the WAW script to re-read the lines again to throw at me!!..

Firstly, (Thursday) it was mentioned to me by the kids that W and OM did a "family" style activity with them.. I mentioned to W that although I was proud and appreciative of her for doing the activity, I did not appreciate OM being around for something that should be a family style thing considering he has only been around for 3 months (apparently anyway)..

She blew up at this and the spew started.. She said "You need to stop being in denial", "Even if I break up with OM I'm not going back to you", "This is life now", "I wont do anything with you and the kids until you are over this and dealing with everything" and other glorious quips!!..

The "You need to stop being in denial" part got me in a way and I did say something not DB like.. I said "How can you say I'm in denial, when YOU are the one calling the marriage over, yet still have all the pics of us up on FB including the wedding pics with both of us tagged in them".. I don't look at her FB any more, but they are in my pics as I am tagged in them..

This prompted another spew, a change to her maiden name on FB (with the married name as the "other" name) and to this point nothing else..


Friday was kid exchange day and all was smooth.. You wouldn't have even thought that W had the blow up the night before.. We did the usual coffee and chat about kid stuff and she actually bought up life in general in the conversation..


Saturday I had to meet up with W to drop off some replacement fish for S9's tank.. He has a hungry Dragon Fighter!!.. Once again, smooth conversation (although short), a couple of good laughs and then off me and the boys went for our next adventure!!..

Sunday - No contact from W..

That brings us to this morning at kid exchange.. W asked if S9 had bought back his game consoles with him.. I replied no as he wanted to leave them here until next weekend (S9 had actually spoken to me about it earlier in the morning).. She turned around and spewed again saying that "I may as well get rid of them" and "What are they going to play on the weekend now" among others..

I REALLY wanted to answer her last statement, but had to make amends for Thursdays debacle.. I couldn't even think of how to validate her comments so I didn't engage in them.. I needed to go anyway so gave the boys a hug and kiss and said I would talk to them later.. I gave W a wave and a smile as I was walking back to my car..


Well, they were my shining lights since my last update!!.. In some ways I think W's emotions may be off due to our wedding anniversary being tomorrow.. I'm not thinking too much about it personally, but ask me that at this time tomorrow!!.. I'd still like to think of her as a human and that is why I believe it would be on her mind in some way or another..



It's right now that I see what is said about the gift of time and this being a marathon.. I'm now 7 months in to S and now dealing with OM and the WAS script renewal I realise I have to be in this for the long haul!!..

[Sherman333]

I feel for you brother. It's tough.

My wife just started our fun. So I have a road ahead.

Glad you could keep your head on your shoulders. It can be the hardest thing.