Also, please don't ask her out!!! This is NOT the time to ask her out - she's in an A, she's wayward, she wants to get away from you. She's said she wants space! And you yourself just said it would not be enjoyable to spend time with her right now.
Keep doing what you're doing - go out and enjoy yourself, on your own or with your friends (or even better, go met new people), and do what YOU want to do, and don't focus on her reactions.
Me 28 / H 28 M 1 / T 2.5 BOMB 12-3-14 "I don't feel like myself any more" Still living together, separate rooms.
I will keep on trucking along. With her as angry as she was this morning, it should be easy to give her space. I have a feeling she will be avoiding me for a while. Most of the last couple weeks she has spent hiding in the spare room from me anyway. It's really weird how she is the one that was caught, and she gets to be the angry one.
But I think some of this detachment is starting to work, her behavior is not having the negative impact it used to have on me.
thanks again.
Me:43, WW:45 2 Kids: 21,22 Married: 23 Years Bomb: 01/2015 Separate Bedrooms: 02/2015 She left: 03/2015
I really need to find a way to stop worrying about what my wise is doing, and stop spying on her, it's just very hard. Found this on another thread:
Originally Posted By: jp787
When you are focusing on you W you are wasting energy and pushing her away.
I understand the pull to know what she is doing, who with and all of that. I do understand. That said everything you do to know, find out, will not only waste your energy, but it will hurt you deeply. It will alter your ability to move forward and fu@k with you.
Me:43, WW:45 2 Kids: 21,22 Married: 23 Years Bomb: 01/2015 Separate Bedrooms: 02/2015 She left: 03/2015
She is still quite angry. I'm getting more silent treatment tonight. I didn't dare bring up anything at dinner, i was happy she sat and ate with me.
She is hiding in the spare room again (I hate that she calls it her room now).
I don't see her coming out to give me a hug and kiss good night.
Should I wander down there and say good night when I go to bed later? Last night i got a very angry sounding "What" when I went down to say good night.
Should I just send her a text?
Should I just go to bed without telling her?
Me:43, WW:45 2 Kids: 21,22 Married: 23 Years Bomb: 01/2015 Separate Bedrooms: 02/2015 She left: 03/2015
I toughed it out and didn't say good night to her while she hid in her room.
It's funny I think of it as a big step for me, but she probably didn't notice.
She seemed in a much better mood this morning. I got even got a hug and kiss goodbye from her. I just about melted. I was way too clingy, but so happy to be touched again. I cried driving away from the house to work.
Me:43, WW:45 2 Kids: 21,22 Married: 23 Years Bomb: 01/2015 Separate Bedrooms: 02/2015 She left: 03/2015
Burger, first of all we've all been there so this is pretty normal and there is nothing wrong with you. But you're right, the eggshell game isn't good.
You want to be a strong, confident, man, a leader in your household...that man can't walk on eggshells because his wayward wife isn't happy with how your handling your rejection.
Seriously...the whole "do what works" is on a bigger scale. If she doesn't like your GAL activities because it makes you harder to manipulate and control, so sorry.
WAW is an ADDICT. Doing what works isn't about making sure an ADDICT never gets angry or impatient with you. Are you kidding?
Doing what works is about doing things that help you detach, become the person that you want to be, and live in a way that a NORMAL woman would respect and appreciate.
If at some point she warms up to that in different degrees doing what works is about not scaring her off, blaming or attacking her, or rehashing old arguments.
There is a time to be concerned with her reactions to your behavior. Now is NOT the time. Right now it is a far BIGGER priority that you detach and get your balls back. There are two people within you. One confident and strong, one weak and shivery. Starve the weak man, feed the strong man. Get to the point where you can laugh at the weakness and you feel pretty confident about the entire situation.
It CAN be done. I'm mostly there, Big Mac just posted again and he went through the mill, we were both pretty codependent. But focus on you, GAL, detaching. LET HER GO. Act that way a strong/confident person would act and if she takes offense then too flipping bad.
Me:38 XW:38 T:11 years M:8 years Kids: S14, D11, D7 BD/Move out day: 6/17/14, D final Dec 15
I think her threat to sleep with someone else is really hurting me. That was so mean of her to say that. It's like every week things get worse and worse, like she is trying to push me to suicide. Last week there was the naked pictures, before that the Facebook stuff, the explosion with my nice letter. All the silent treatment stuff. I'm a good person who has never treated her even close to this bad.
Guidline 33. Do not give up no matter how dark it is or how bad you feel.
It's just really hard to not give up!
Me:43, WW:45 2 Kids: 21,22 Married: 23 Years Bomb: 01/2015 Separate Bedrooms: 02/2015 She left: 03/2015
Did you go to college? Remember having college roommates? You all came and went without any thought. This is the time to treat your W like a roommate. You have a full life so get busy living NOW!
