Part 14 - Contents may flip without warning

[gan]

Yeah, somethin in the air for the 6 month plus club fo sho. But let's not get your...er boxer briefs...in a knot just yet. See what W has to say first. We are rooting for you, Edz!

[edz]

Hi guys yes negative Nelly aren't I. Wasn't in front of w so thats good.

Someone posted a while back you can get to an "oh now what" phase. I suppose I'm thinking if w was veering into the reconciliation shed be being warmer rather than distanced but thats just mind reading, its just fear I imagine. At least my expectations aren't a Hollywood romcom ending so I can only be positively suprisised. Anyway s is nearly ready so heading out and as to conversation we can't have it until w and I find time without s, either way I'll be on here journalling. Either an ok, what now or an omg that was surprising. We shall of course see..

[edz]

Back for lunch. W called while we were at the arcade to say she's been hit with a migraine so isn't heading out now asked was there anything she needed there wasnt. S's friend is heading over to her Saturday so s is staying with me till sat morning which is cool. We'll head off swimming tomorrow and hes having some gaming time today and a movie tonight.

So nothings settled or in the process of it just concentrating on s for now and trying to relax until this latest wave of - whatever - passes and the PMA is back to real. Just frustrated and fed up right now generally (not with s) dont feel i can really move on with finances, relationships until I know what direction w is facing.

For now have to take the advice v and several others have given and relax what will happen will happen and let it go. Mostly I am relaxed, chilled and settled into my current groove. Just I know this groove isn't how I want it to be and I dont know what to do yet for the best, heyho.

Anyway waters boiling for spaghetti, got to go!

[Sotto]

Now then Negative Nelly....

I think the whole 'expectations' thing works both ways. We already know it's a bad idea to have positive expectations - because those can set you right up for a fall.

But, it's also not a good idea to have negative expectations - because those mean you just spend a bunch of time worrying - and then may be pleasantly surprised and cross that you wasted so much energy fretting.

Best to be neutral - I saw the following little saying recently and liked it - Tomorrow is here. All is well. And for you Edz - ultimately - whatever your W may or may not be doing - all will be well with you.

Now then, it bothers me a little that you're saying you can't really move on in terms of finances and the relationship. What further steps could you take to get yourself to a more 'as if' position. Nothing irreversible if you don't want it to be - but steps that truly help you feel that your life is your own, and 'by jove' you're enjoying it?

Regardless of what your W may be doing, how can you get your current groove to be what you DO want it to be? If you think about it, all of this is within your gift...these are things you control, lovely Edz...so, what's next for you??

[edz]

Thanks toots you are equally lovely

Been a pretty fun day with s, yes w has been playing on my mind. Suppose its just knowing about thing but ultimately as they say be careful what you wish for how many times have I said I just want to be able to know what direction w wants to go in? Yes, honestly I dont know and this negativity is just me projecting my fear (see I did listen to my councillor) if w wanted to just say nope done an email would have sufficed just fear nothing else.

What's next well all is done really apart from ending my wages into the joint account and yes I could do that its simply at the moment if I do it could leave w and s with no support (her works are being unhelpful about her exit I suspect someone somewhere is on a mission to drag it out) what else can I do well stop being so negative for a start! I have a nice home a good son who enjoys being with me I just miss my wife and the way our marriage was, I imagine me and every soul on this board!

I want another shot at my family being togethwr but this time us all sharing our time not w and s and me along for the ride sometimes.

I like the quote toots, thanks.

I'm really ok been in a bit of a funk last few days with a brief lift on the weight front but even that had me wondering who I could share that work with and have them notice. Ultimately im doing it for me I decided and I'm ok with that.

W finally acknowledging we need to talk I think caught me off guard today and then qualifying it with not knowing when and it not being something she's happy to go into by email set off my inner worryer again..fear.

Anyhoo have to go tuck in s before I can settle will post back a little later.

[Sotto]

Yes, I understand the worry about 'the talk' which may also end up being about 'the thing.' I feel our 'talk' may be just around the corner too...

But someone posted recently, however our 'talks' go and whatever our S's may have 'decided' things are not 'over' until or unless WE decide they are....and I really like to remember how important that is.

I think we all reach points in our sitches when things feel 'over.' And in truth, they may be 'over for now' but the jury's out on what may happen in the future..

[edz]

S tucked in and his media player on, imagine he'll be off sooner than later by the looks of him tonight

I know what you mean toots. One of my earlier threads I posted on "the end":

It was the end if w actually left home and took s
The end if she moved all her things into mils house
The end if she wanted to live somewhere else by herself
The end if I split up contents in the flat
The end if I moved into my place (actually that one saved my sanity)

And so on..

If w says thats it all done will it be the end? I know I'll change my interactions with her and then I'll consider my options and if its right I may seek companionship or I may not. Thing makes a lot of this a difficult call to make right now until w tells me what she needs to do and what she wants to do.

As you say the end is a difficult beast to categorise. Many posts on here of couples with op splitting, divorcing, was marrying op and still getting back together all over years. Ultimately who knows?

[jim0987]

Evening edz,

Correct me if I'm wrong but hasnt your wife already told you its definitely the end - on around 23/7/14?

So even if she says it again then it hasnt necessarily changed anything. Its only the end for you when you feel like it is or if its literally the end in some kind of apocalypse.

As Toots said, a neutral frame of mind is best and small recent blip aside I'd say you've been doing a really good job of that.

Hope you had a relaxing evening

[edz]

Morning all

Hi Jim, yes I said that just above, in fact in her mind before then. Thats what I mean about "the end" above. I suppose its a case of we've had a stage of getting warmer albeit at fractured intervals and what she's done in that time doesn't tally with what she's said.

Yes I'm normally happy with what will be will be I think I'm just frustrated at wanting to not be alone all the time anymore after 7 months but feeling bound by the requirement to be sure I "did everything". Yes I know and I do honestly accept she left me, in my head its not her saying " ok pay attention this is a last chance" she genuinely decided were done but then she stopped before taking anything further deeds of sep, d filing nothing. She could have argued unreasonable behaviour in a way due to my depression and there's not a lot I could have done but she talked to me instead often.

The question is is that because she still wants her friend even after I've said right now I can't do that because I can't separate being a friend and loving her or because she sees a possible future. Thats what's twisting me.

As I posted yesterday it's all just my fear winning a skirmish, I feel better today after a good day with s and some sleep. There'll be more battles ahead regardless of w's discussions, work to be done on a repairing relationship or on creating a new one and the fear thats going to bring.

Just one day at a time.

Starting the day in a minute as its lie in central here today exercises and shower then breakfast for s and then shops for trunks for him and then swimming (amidst complaints on a day with few games and screens )

Who knows what else it will bring, need to face that with curiosity not fear again and I can get back to being ok with it all again.

Thanks all

[Ggrass]

Oh well another day.
just try to let go them danged expectations.

Seems they crop up every where.