Calibri, how are things going for you??? Been a while since you've posted anything about your stuff. (Yes I just hijacked my own thread but I know you read this).
ME: 28 W: 24 M: 2.5yrs T: 5yrs BD: 22 SEP 14 W Leaves: 5 OCT 14
So for the past few weeks, its been the same- we talk daily, no big developments since she changed her mind about coming home.
Today- Im so [censored] angry. She starts asking me about my paychecks and why there not as big as they used to be (I live on base now, so they take out the housing portion of my checks so its like $2K less every month). And I asked her why are you so curious about this..(and I know she's running out of money).
W: (paraphrase) "Because we had an agreement with $ and obviously I don't feel comfortable taking any out when I see your balance." Me: "We agreed that when you told me you were living with your mom, and that I wouldn't give you any $ while you are living with this guy." W: I know you said that but thats not what we agreed to, and its unrealistic. Me: W, Ive been nothing but supportive of you for the past few months. Now, almost 6 months later you are still living with this guy. Why, only you know. But Ive paid for everything to support you and thats ok. You're plane ticket home, the dogs boarding, everything, Im paying for because I am trying to support you. You have all our savings. I don't have any more money. Im not transferring it anywhere else, you can see for yourself. I am sorry I don't have any more $
NO REPLY.
Is she [censored] DUMB? She STILL expects me to give her $? Oh BTW, she's quit 2 different jobs, GOT HER [censored] HAIR DONE YESTERDAY and is aimlessly driving around Nashville right now. OH BTW, she's still driving that brand new truck. [censored] THIS [censored].
Seriously, when you CHOOSE to LEAVE your H, LIFE IS NOT ALL [censored] ROSES. Life [censored] for me right now. I know she's hurting for $ ,and this guy is getting out of the Army next month. So i know $ is an issue. But honestly...I DONT EVEN HAVE MONEY TO GIVE HER EVEN IF I WANTED TO. The Army doesn't pay for you to live 2 separate lives from your W.
She's probably pissed off at me. And who really [censored] cares. She's being a [censored] unreasonable spoiled bitch.
Divorce me? FINE. If she wants to throw that out there, then I will say ok thats not what I want, but if thats what you choose to do so be it. She'll regret her choice later when she's just like her mom who now got evicted out of her house with her new bf. THIS IS NOT WHAT I WANT. But she's doing this to herself.
OH and BTW, its our anniversary in 4 days. HOO [censored] RAY
I WANT A DIVORCE
Last edited by TLEE86; 03/14/1509:37 PM.
ME: 28 W: 24 M: 2.5yrs T: 5yrs BD: 22 SEP 14 W Leaves: 5 OCT 14
But Ive paid for everything to support you and thats ok. You're plane ticket home, the dogs boarding, everything, Im paying for because I am trying to support you.
But then you say you don't give her money. I really hope you don't.
M39 D6 D3 (at S) S 2014-09 D 2016-09
"You can't start a fire sitting around, crying over a broken heart" - Bruce Springsteen.
Man, it stinks reading through this thread. I go through the same thing of realizing how much I feel used, now and for the last year and a half. But we all know the selfishness that our spouses are oozing with right now. As my pastor told me, "MCS, going through this yourself with all of the pain must be exhausting, trying to do it and keep the door open must be Impossible"
That's what it is, we can get F&@@&$n lit up on what is going on. Easier said than done, but acting on how your feeling at the current moment is the same thing our spouses due everyday. Hang in there, bud.
Read Sandi's post, this is the story.....it's so similiar for us all. We are witnessing the epic fall of the fantasy and they are trying to do everything possible to bring us with. They're selfish....."I'm miserable, so should everyone else" let it happen, be unwavering, be a leader when the other is weak. You got this.
Last edited by MCS; 03/15/1504:45 AM.
M:36 W:37 T: 15 M:11 S6 D5 BD: 8/10/14 IDLY: 8/12/14 S: 8/13/14 (she left, I stayed w/ kids) D Mentioned: 10/15/14 Confronted about OM: 10/15/14 EA: ~4/13 PA: ~10/13 She filed: 8/15 (not final)
Calibri, how are things going for you??? Been a while since you've posted anything about your stuff. (Yes I just hijacked my own thread but I know you read this).
I'm here. Hesitant to post a new thread. There's things going on with my H that I don't feel comfortable sharing. I'm muddling through some stuff. I dunno. But I'm around. Have been waiting for you to post. Going to read your update now. Was going to send up a flare looking for you. :-)
Last edited by Calibri; 03/15/1505:01 AM.
M:32,H 32 T:10, M5 BD/H Move Out: 9/2014 - extreme anger H Mental Illness Diagnosis: 4/15 Served D Papers: 10/15 Divorced: 11/15
Oh Tim, my angry male counter part. I'm angry too! Let's make angry posts together!
Originally Posted By: TLEE86
She hasn't changed. At all. Not one single bit.
Did you really expect her to? Nothing has changed. I've been skimming Sandi's LBH post and the general sense that I get is that the WAW has to experience something earth shattering or something to that extent to wake up and consider returning. I don't think she has that.
Quote:
So for the past few weeks, its been the same- we talk daily, no big developments since she changed her mind about coming home.
Why are you still talking? What is this doing for you? How is this helping your sitch?
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Today- Im so [censored] angry.
Hey, that's been me on and off for the last six months - too bad we don't live closer I'd say we could go to the gym and be angry together. I'm doing great In The CF open (at least for me, using my anger) But I digress.
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She starts asking me about my paychecks and why there not as big as they used to be (I live on base now, so they take out the housing portion of my checks so its like $2K less every month).
Erm, why does she still see your financials? Have you not split them, gotten her name off of your account?
Quote:
W: (paraphrase) "Because we had an agreement with $ and obviously I don't feel comfortable taking any out when I see your balance." Me: "We agreed that when you told me you were living with your mom, and that I wouldn't give you any $ while you are living with this guy." W: I know you said that but thats not what we agreed to, and its unrealistic.
So, for real, you're funding her still? I thought you were going to quit?
Quote:
Me: W, Ive been nothing but supportive of you for the past few months. Now, almost 6 months later you are still living with this guy. Why, only you know. But Ive paid for everything to support you and thats ok. You're plane ticket home, the dogs boarding, everything, Im paying for because I am trying to support you. You have all our savings. I don't have any more money. Im not transferring it anywhere else, you can see for yourself. I am sorry I don't have any more $
Those bolded parts, I don't think you're actually ok with it. And honestly? It's enabling your W's behavior. It's saying, it's ok to find yourself, live with another man and whatnot, quit jobs and flail around because I'm going to support you, because I love you. And that's admirable, Tim, but it sets you up to be her fallback plan. She needs to find herself? Then as I said before, you need to cut her off and she needs to find a job and learn that life isn't roses and sunshine when you're on your own with no job.
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NO REPLY.
It's probably a good thing she didn't, because reading your response below, I imagine you would've lost your [censored].
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Is she [censored] DUMB? She STILL expects me to give her $?
No, she's not "[censored] DUMB" - she's merely sticking to her expectations from you as her husband. The husband who has been giving her money and providing her support while she finds herself. Sorry, but she's expecting you to follow through on a situation you helped create and maintain.
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Oh BTW, she's quit 2 different jobs, GOT HER [censored] HAIR DONE YESTERDAY and is aimlessly driving around Nashville right now. OH BTW, she's still driving that brand new truck. [censored] THIS [censored].
So how is she getting the money to do this? Taking money out of y'all's account? This is why it would probably be good to separate the finances.
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Seriously, when you CHOOSE to LEAVE your H, LIFE IS NOT ALL [censored] ROSES. Life [censored] for me right now.
. No, it isn't, but (and here's my tough love for you buddy) you kept providing for her at the beginning, setting up the expectations from her that you would continue it.
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I know she's hurting for $ ,and this guy is getting out of the Army next month. So i know $ is an issue. But honestly...I DONT EVEN HAVE MONEY TO GIVE HER EVEN IF I WANTED TO. The Army doesn't pay for you to live 2 separate lives from your W.
Wait you're getting out of the army? Where the hell did that come from?
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She's probably pissed off at me. And who really [censored] cares. She's being a [censored] unreasonable spoiled bitch.
Ahhhhh she's off the pedestal now. (And yes, I acknowledge that I am being a bitch with the statement.) Really, are you mad about the money? Or are you mad that she hasn't sorted her self out and come back home? Cause from over here? It sounds like you're lashing out because a) you're stressed b) you're hurt and c) your ego is bruised.
Any of that ring true?
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OH and BTW, its our anniversary in 4 days. HOO [censored] RAY
Hey - hopefully you won't top my two recent anniversary stories. My H screamed at me on our wedding anniversary - telling me to shut the [censored] up for once in my life so he could figure out if he could love me again. And then last month, on our 10 year dating anniversary - I think I got a, "I don't know how to acknowledge today."
*confetti throwing in the air*
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I WANT A DIVORCE
Ok, why? Because it's not going your way? Because you're done standing? because you think your W won't change?
Glad to see you back. Anger and all.
Last edited by Calibri; 03/15/1505:37 AM.
M:32,H 32 T:10, M5 BD/H Move Out: 9/2014 - extreme anger H Mental Illness Diagnosis: 4/15 Served D Papers: 10/15 Divorced: 11/15
MCS, thank you for always responding right when I feel like I'm about to jump off a cliff. You have a very...calming way of posting...hard to describe, very good at validating =)
Originally Posted By: MCS
As my pastor told me, "MCS, going through this yourself with all of the pain must be exhausting, trying to do it and keep the door open must be Impossible"
Ummmm YA you can say that again. and again. and again.
Originally Posted By: MCS
We are witnessing the epic fall of the fantasy and they are trying to do everything possible to bring us with. They're selfish....."I'm miserable, so should everyone else" let it happen, be unwavering, be a leader when the other is weak.
im not sure if she wants me to be miserable as well, but right now, because she has no more plan, and her plans have fallen through, she is definitely more...moody. I AM TRYING to be the rock...trying so [censored] hard. Thank you for the faith and confidence..
ME: 28 W: 24 M: 2.5yrs T: 5yrs BD: 22 SEP 14 W Leaves: 5 OCT 14
C!!!! Man I missed you. There were so many times the past few weeks when I was like I wish I could talk to C. Ive been wondering about you and whats going on...but I can understand that you don't want to put certain things out on blast in a public forum. Question...is it against the rules to share like FB or emails...because...yea....i think wed have a few conversations, though probably rather angry ones
Originally Posted By: Calibri
I've been skimming Sandi's LBH post and the general sense that I get is that the WAW has to experience something earth shattering or something to that extent to wake up and consider returning. I don't think she has that.
Yea I've been reading Sandis LBH post as well. Very insightful. I agree with everything. Have you read Pinks latest post? She served her H with D papers, and all of a sudden he's telling her how much he loves her...very very weird logic how this all works...
Originally Posted By: Calibri
So, for real, you're funding her still? I thought you were going to quit?
No, I STOPPED last month in February. And I was surprised at how well she took it. Now this month, I had a feeling she was going to ask...and of course she does. This is what sparked the argument today. Because she was asking for $ and I said no.
Originally Posted By: Calibri
No, she's not "[censored] DUMB" - she's merely sticking to her expectations from you as her husband. The husband who has been giving her money and providing her support while she finds herself. Sorry, but she's expecting you to follow through on a situation you helped create and maintain.
Ive thought about this before you posted it, for a long time now. Here is what I have come up with, everyone please feel free to call BS on it. I know my W, better than anyone. She would have severely resented and hated me if i cut her off completely from the get go. Now that she has 1. acknowledged she had faults in the marriage 2. actually wants to talk and 3. realized that life [censored] on the other side, I am slowly weening her off and now that we are "friends" its more of a...gentle let down versus a..hey [censored] YOU you left me, YOUR ON YOUR OWN? Idk if this makes sense, but basically, she wont resent me for it now because she has calmed down a lot since BD. idk?
Originally Posted By: Calibri
Ahhhhh she's off the pedestal now. (And yes, I acknowledge that I am being a bitch with the statement.) Really, are you mad about the money? Or are you mad that she hasn't sorted her self out and come back home? Cause from over here? It sounds like you're lashing out because a) you're stressed b) you're hurt and c) your ego is bruised.
....all of the above.... =( this actually made me really hurt. because its true...
Originally Posted By: Calibri
Hey - hopefully you won't top my two recent anniversary stories. My H screamed at me on our wedding anniversary - telling me to shut the [censored] up for once in my life so he could figure out if he could love me again. And then last month, on our 10 year dating anniversary - I think I got a, "I don't know how to acknowledge today."
...you and I need to talk offline..seriously. I am sorry your [censored] H said that to you. Im angry just reading it. But don't worry, Im going to [censored] WOO-SAH (rubbing ears) because this is my 180, to not be angry Tim anymore, well at least learn to control it. Don't worry, I don't think she will even acknowledge or text me that day. Oh look, its in 3 [censored] days.
Originally Posted By: Calibri
*confetti throwing in the air*
I LOL'd for a long time at this. Im still chuckling. You are awesome. "Awesome sauce...."
And NO, for the record, i didnt say I was getting out of the Army, OM is getting out of the Army next month so I know $ is tight. He doesn't make [censored] as it is so I'm sure him getting out is making their $ problems worse. Me getting out...conversation for a different day. not sure yet...idk. ------
I don't want a D. But deep down, i know that today had to happen. That sooner or later she was going to ask me for $ and I would have to say no. And Im glad i did it. Because quite honestly, it doesn't make any sense to fund her adventures.
Seriously, can we talk offline?
ME: 28 W: 24 M: 2.5yrs T: 5yrs BD: 22 SEP 14 W Leaves: 5 OCT 14
Interesting that OM is in the Army. Very interesting indeed.
Sharing personal information isn't allowed. However, I will say that I posted on the CF games facebook a few minutes ago - on the article about Sam Briggs. I Talked about how much of a rockstar she is and that I love her. She's my inspiration especially when dealing with back injuries. You might find that topic interesting. *coughbatsignalcoughcough*
:-)
More tomorrow when I'm not so sleepy.
M:32,H 32 T:10, M5 BD/H Move Out: 9/2014 - extreme anger H Mental Illness Diagnosis: 4/15 Served D Papers: 10/15 Divorced: 11/15
