Dating stories?! That's messed up. What is she thinking? For sure, she wants a reaction. Really, I can't think of why she'd do that. Like it's a bonding story for the two of you? Or perhaps she wants you to know that her dating is not going all that well? You did well to cut it off.
M39 D6 D3 (at S) S 2014-09 D 2016-09
"You can't start a fire sitting around, crying over a broken heart" - Bruce Springsteen.
Uh oh...I'm in your ear? Now you're in trouble. LOL!
Yea, Im thinking that she is telling you about the dating stories because you told her you would be willing to work on things.
They want to be heard. When you tell her those things, she feels she isnt being heard.
Even though you dont agree with her, and even though she may not be sure what she wants, the thing is that she is saying she doesnt want the marriage right now.
When you make changes and move forward and let go, it means you've heard her. When you dont bring up working on it, it means you've heard her.
Trust me when I tell you she knows how you feel. But when they feel you hanging on, they try to shake you off. The more you hang on, the harder they shake.
I agree with your boundary about not hearing those stories. Dont keep saying it. Just dont respond. She will get the message. As long as you respond, she has your attention, which she feeds off of. Leave her to her ridiculousness.
Good point, everyone, about simply not responding. In this case she directly asked me if I wanted to hear it. But I guess I only needed to say it once.
I have noticed a trend. She's told me about 3 guys now, all of them after the "relationship" ended. She's also somehow implied before and during them that she was not pursuing them. Of course she lied about the A for 6 months. But after the A was over, she calls me crying, telling me about it. During that call she said, "he broke up with me, be happy", implying that I should be happy that she is now single, or something. 2 weeks later she's dating someone new. Told me about him after that was over. Then tells me about this guy after it is over, or whatever it is.
It doesn't even really sting anymore to hear about new guys. If there was one, what's the difference with 2? 3? 50? She's not my W anymore.
Me 38, WAW 30 D11 (former marriage) S2 T 8 years M 3 years BD 8/20/23 S 8/20/23
Good answer, I am not really sure that was a serious question but good for you for not even playing along.
Anyways, your situation is heart breaking to me because it is very similar to my own in terms of your D. I just hate seeing these situations with such young kids. And seeing how you have tried to do everything you can...and your wife is acting out the way she is. It is just sad. I am sorry but it seems like you are doing the right things. I hope your W realizes what she is doing before it is too late.
Me:30 H:31 D1 T: 7 years M: 3.5 years BD: 12/2014 3 month S starts: 2/2015
Thanks for the kind thoughts, Mary. I absolutely hated hearing this early on, but it really is a good thing that this is happening now rather than 5-10 years from now, for D2's sake. She adjusted to the S almost immediately. Sometimes she misses the missing parent, but never too badly. Of course, it's only been 8 months. But one of the many benefits of DBing is that it puts your coparenting relationship in the best possible position, at least from what the LBS can control. It helps give our young children the best child rearing atmosphere possible for them.
But if you're like me, you really don't have the stomach to think about that kind of stuff. This is the first time I've seen your username (I've been lighter on DB.com lately). Reading through a bit of your story, I'm assuming you meant to type 2/2015 for your S date. I'm really sorry for the pain you must be going through, even this very second. When my S was that fresh, my waves of pain came hour by hour, if not minute by minute. Keep following the voices on this board, Mary. I PROMISE you that you will get better and better. It will be 2 steps forward and 1 step back. Sometimes it will be 2 steps forward and 3 steps back. But you will get better even when you know you're not. You'll go from having good hours to having good days, then several good days, then your first good week, etc. I promise this will happen! You don't have to believe me right now, either.
Also, when I was looking through your profile to find the threads you've created, I noticed that you registered here early the morning after Christmas. I'm so sorry your BD was right in the midst of the holidays. My holidays were not that great and that was 6+ months after my BD! Sending prayers and positive thoughts your way right now, Marylov
Me 38, WAW 30 D11 (former marriage) S2 T 8 years M 3 years BD 8/20/23 S 8/20/23
Thanks Card. You are right, I really don't have the stomach to think that far in advance right now. My H just moved out and you are right, the pain comes sometimes so suddenly that I feel I can't breathe. But then I have moments where I feel almost positive, sure that everything will still somehow work out between us. I just can't give up hope, even though I know it may seem foolish. But even if I have hope, I still have to learn to detach. Even right now, I am so tempted to send him a text, telling him I love him and miss him. Because I do. I miss him so much. But as I've read others say, he knows that. Me reminding him of that won't do anything but give him a chance to ignore me. And yes, this holiday season was just...terrible. And since it was my D's first Xmas...it just made it seem that much worse bc it was supposed to be lovely. Sorry for this sad rant, but I am having a low moment
Me:30 H:31 D1 T: 7 years M: 3.5 years BD: 12/2014 3 month S starts: 2/2015
