Bea, I just wanted to chime in a bit.... I have a bit of a different attitude than most people when it comes to dealing with MLC. I personally think total silence is bliss. My XW has tried a few times over the years to talk to me, I have returned total silence to her. I am not interested, nor will I ever be interested in anything she has to say. She did a lot of rotten things to me, and if her chickens are coming home to roost, I hope they poop on her head! Its your choice to decide how to handle Daffy, but if I were you, I would let him deal with your silence for awhile.
Thanks BH. It's a tricky one, and we all deal with it differently.
Who I now am is a very different person from who I was then. My xh did some awful things, but nothing he did has any power to hurt me any longer. It is truly all behind.
I have nothing to gain by silence at this point. I may have at some future time. We have to be true to ourselves, and what we stand for.
After about ten weeks of increasingly frequent emailing from xh, he has now dropped back off the planet. No explanation, just disappeared back into the rabbit hole.
It is nice and quiet here!
As Job has said, sit quietly and the answers will fall into your lap.
I'm not surprised to hear that he's disappeared back into the rabbit hole. He got what he wanted in the way of your attention and he is a happy camper for now.
I'm sure you are enjoying the quiet right now and I do hope it stays that way.
Please take care of yourself.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Job, thank you! I am absolutely fine. Surgeon signed me off and is very pleased. He is an amazing man.
I have had more continuous contact with xh in the last 10 weeks than in the previous 9 years!! Still crazy but glimmers of normality. The most interesting revelation was that he told me that his brother and sisters told him they think he is autistic! Up until now he has insisted that they think all is well and he was right to leave yada yada.
Previously it would be a week or two max of contact, and then months away (sometimes years)
I agree w/you on one thing...he's trying to figure the whys of it all. He is starting to wake up just a wee bit, but let's hope it's the beginning of something more and he can actually find his way out of his fog.
Yes, it can be quite disturbing to sit there and listen to them talk about how things turned out and see the pain and confusion of "how did I get there". It's like watching someone wake up from a year long coma and seeing that everything has changed drastically within that year.
I was thinking Rumplestiltskin as I read this, but I agree. Time is not the same for them.
Glad the op went well and you're enjoying the sunshine. I hope there's much more to come! Tired of the snow and I live in the South for crying out loud. It's not supposed to stay!
Hope he can re-kindle his relationship with the kids. That would certainly be nice, right? But like the others, I feel he has a long way to go to unwind and make sense of why he's where he is.
And I agree, it can be easier if they stay "crazy". It's just something we get used to I think even if we wish them the best. AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
AJ good to hear from you - I realise I am enjoying my detachment, the fact I didn't get sucked into the drama. It is empowering to feel detached, wish them well with no bitterness.
You would think that after all of this time, nothing could surprise!
Well I woke up this morning and something my xh said to me when we met a few weeks back suddenly came into my mind.
We were talking about our second son, and xh mentioned a girlfriend of his who had finished with him during his second year at university. She wasn't brutal about it - just said theyw ere both young and should date others.
I was sad for my son in that he was upset, but honestly thought she was sensible and kind. Anyway my sh said he had never forgiven her for what she had done to our son!!!!
Wtf? It didn't even register at the time, but I practically sat bolt upright in bed at the sheer ridicuulouness of what he had said.
Unforgiveable for ending what was a fairly serious boy/girl relationship ending, but OK to dump wife and family of 30+ years??
