So this is the day after... Yesterday was probably one of the hardest things that I have had to do. I took a page from a DB post, and helped her move. Yes I know that it opened me up to more pain, and probably more grief then I needed, but I felt it was the right thing to do. It did provided me with a couple opportunities where her family reached out to me again. They were as dumbfounded as I am to the whole thing. It certainly helped to hear their words of encouragement.
Both my D's seem to be taking it all in stride... it is good to see that all of my work to prepare them for this reality has helped and payed off, at least for right now. In someways I guess it goes to show what everyone has been saying, kids are hardy they can take a lot.
Now to the real question how am I doing? I'm at a loss for words, hurting... in pain... strong... all of the above. All of the above seems to be the best category for it. It has been really painful to move throughout the house and be reminded that she isn't here anymore. Yet even as I say that I think to myself, what I have been living for the last few months has been terrible. Terrible with only little points of good which I tried desperately to cling to, like it was signaling a change.... it wasn't I believe it was only a reflection of her denial. I know that it will get better, this is just day one. I have spent the last 6 months (and probably longer) adjusting to a new normal, every time I have come out stronger.... this is just one of those times. It still [censored]!
M:34 W:34 D:8 D:5 M:10 T:15 BD: 10/10/14 D filed: 10/21/14 PA/EA:09/2013 EA:09/2014 - on going (online)
My X moved out while I was at a football game. I came home to a house with no bedroom, but I got stronger. More self-reliant, self-aware, etc.
You stepped up for what you believed was correct (moving her out). That speaks to your character. You are already seeing how it has changed you. I bet deep down inside you know you will come out on top. You can wether the storm and be the person you want to be, because it is what you want, and your strong enough to get it!
Me: 32 W: 29 T:8 M: 6 D4 S2 M - 8/2008 W is not happy - 1/2014 W wants D - 9/2014 W moved out - 11/2014 D filed - 1/23/2015 D'ed - 2/25/2015 Gave X the Letter - 11/10/2015
Thanks for all the support. Day one just simply [censored]! I have been able to hangout with D9 today even took her to class with me (she had today off). That has helped me to stay distracted.... But now home and working on the evening routine it's still hard... I know today is just day one, first day waking up without her in the house, first day not having her around for dinner. Do I take solice in the fact that it's also day one I don't have to hear her phone go bing with messages from the OM? Or have her check out... Maybe... It's not that comforting though.
We pulling in tonight and D5 said where is momma? I said she is at her new place... She then said I wonder what she is wearing, I want to go see her cause I don't remember what she looks like.... Crushing... Just crushing...
Last edited by Andy125; 02/16/1511:12 PM.
M:34 W:34 D:8 D:5 M:10 T:15 BD: 10/10/14 D filed: 10/21/14 PA/EA:09/2013 EA:09/2014 - on going (online)
I know that feeling all too well. It does get easier. I try to get out of the house as much as possible.
Me: 32 W: 29 T:8 M: 6 D4 S2 M - 8/2008 W is not happy - 1/2014 W wants D - 9/2014 W moved out - 11/2014 D filed - 1/23/2015 D'ed - 2/25/2015 Gave X the Letter - 11/10/2015
so sorry you are in so much pain now Andy, my poor friend. And your poor girls too. But...this is something your wife really needed to do, the next step in her journey. I really believe that letting her go with love and no nastiness or bitterness is your best chance at ever getting her back.
I'm proud of you for helping her to move, and for all of the preparation you did for your girls, to help them to deal with this loss. This is such a hard time for you. You know that old cliche, that today is the first day of the rest of your life? Well really that is true. Yesterday was a new beginning for you. Go on and make your life awesome. Finish school, continue to be a strong loving supportive dad to your daughters. Continue Project Anti-Frumpy-Single-Dad. Hopefully your wife will wake up, see all the awesomeness, and want a piece of that. And if not, you will be in the very best position to go on to the next chapter in your life, and some other wonderful woman will want a piece of it. Yup, I truly believe that, because it is exactly what happened to me, and I am almost 30 years older than you!
Linda
Me 65, Ex 64 M 38 y 2 adult S, 4 G-Kids MLC 11/07 BD 12/09 D 3/14 Dating nice guy 7/14 Engaged to nice guy 12/17
I feel the need to post... honestly I'm not too sure what I'm going to say so I will let it flow and see where it takes me. Well I've now made it through day 1 and 2. Day 2 came a little easier, unfortunately it was met pretty early with a challenge. The new arrangement is that my W comes to the house to pick the kids up and take them to school 2 days a week. That is what happened yesterday, but she showed up early and then proceeded to head downstairs to grab things she had left behind. I know what you are all screaming right now... boundaries BOUNDARIES!! I was whole heartedly not prepared to face that, I should have had a plan in place, and if it had been any other day (not day 2) I would have had the kids all ready to go. But I didn't I was struggling to make the morning routine... well routine and I was behind. She took the opportunity and exploited it, to include then walking to our bedroom to get a jewelry box she left. Fortunately I had recovered enough to stop the invasion of my ( and the kids space). I was able to assert myself enough to make it clear that wasn't ok.
The night before ( a little after I made the post on Mon) my W finally texted me and asked if it would be ok if she called and talked to the girls. I said absolutely and she also figured out how to set up FaceTime so the kids could actually see her. I think being able to FaceTime her really helped them. She also asked if she could have my help picking up some mattress for the kids bed at her place, I had offered to do that for her on the weekend. I agreed, but only on a time frame that worked for me. So yesterday I met up with her at the store and loaded two mattress into my car. Again I personally feel this falls into the DB mindset. I am the husband that she would be a fool to leave (she just can't see that yet) and want to see my kids feel comfortable at her place. She thanked me a number of times for helping, as she had on the weekend when I helped her move. The rest of the day proceeded without incident and I met them at Hockey, then the kids and I went home. She didn't stay for D9 practice. Unfortunately the whole situation caught up with D5 last night. She was really having trouble falling asleep and as I lay with her, she began to cry. She said it had been along time since we had talked to them (its was back at the end of Oct that we told the kids we were getting divorced) and said that you and Momma used to be best friends. That was pretty hard to hear, and all I could do was tell her it was ok to cry.
I am nervous about how tonight is going to go... they have their first overnights with the W tonight. I'm concerned for how my D's are going to do... but I'm also worried about how I'm going to do. Especially tonight... I have tried my best to plan things out so that I just keep busy. I did however read a great article that talked about being present with the pain of loss. To look at the things that hurt to accept the pain, and really just feel it. I'm not sure if that is what I am going to do, I think in a way that is what I did on 1 and 2 just stayed present with it. I guess we will see. Thank you so very much for the hugs, kind words, and reading. If I can inspire or give comfort to one person that they aren't alone then its worth posting. As always my hope is that one day I can be standing here talking about my success story and how I Busted my Divorce.
M:34 W:34 D:8 D:5 M:10 T:15 BD: 10/10/14 D filed: 10/21/14 PA/EA:09/2013 EA:09/2014 - on going (online)
