Well, we had breakfast together as a family this morning. I invited her over before she went to work for a Jefe cooked breakfast feast and we have movie plans for this evening just the 2 of us.
Me 47 - W 35 M 9 - T 10 2 Daughters - 7 & 9 Discovery of EA- 8/4/14 S - 8/5/15 D mentioned - 9/11/14 R & Piecing - 3/17/15 Regard one another as more important than yourselves. - Philippians 2:3
The movie didn't pan out. Which actually was fine with me. I felt like we were moving a little fast. I need to back up just a bit and catch up.
Blogging:
For breakfast yesterday I got her a nice card, some chocolate, a beautiful red/white/black flower arrangement with antique roses, black Lilies and assorted floral stuff and a single long stemmed Fire and Ice rose laid across her plate. I also found a old Polaroid of her in a brown pant suit (I remember that suit well) that apparently her mother took. Written on the bottom of it: "2/14/06 - Interview day at Se*****" That was the company I worked at back then. That was the day she walked into my life. I had forgotten it was Valentines day. I digress, I photocopied the Polaroid and wrote a nice little thing at the bottom and put it with her card. All in all, breakfast went very well.
After breakfast she had to go to work for her usual Sat 10-12 hour shift. She called and texted all day, I mean a lot.
The basic gist of the communication was that she's ready and wants to come home but she's scared that we will go back to the old situation and that I will have no trust for her and I will express it poorly. I told her I expected full transparency and she agreed to that. She said there's nothing going on with anybody (and the intel I have supports that). I think Hope414 was right in the sense that I don't think she thought the grass was greener with anyone else. I think she was medicating inappropriately. She basically said as much, the other day. I told her the best thing we could do was stop living in all the past hurts and just start making new, good memories from this day forward. Again, I digress.
Situation is, I think she is ready to move into piecing. I have not gotten her to agree to the pastoral counseling as of yet but I think she will soon enough. We called off the movie because it just was all very fast. I went and got us some dinner from one of our favorite little neighborhood Cajun restaurants last night instead. She didn't get off work until 8 and didn't get to the house till 9. She was exhausted, mentally and physically. Me too. So we ate very fast and called it a night. We did text several times later.
And... there you have it. There's so much more to it but this is the simplified version.
Me 47 - W 35 M 9 - T 10 2 Daughters - 7 & 9 Discovery of EA- 8/4/14 S - 8/5/15 D mentioned - 9/11/14 R & Piecing - 3/17/15 Regard one another as more important than yourselves. - Philippians 2:3
Jefe, that is good news to hear - I'm so pleased for you. You sound a little unsure in your post....saying things are moving a little fast....what are you feeling concerned about?
Do you feel ready for your W to move back in yet?
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
I am concerned about her moving too fast and getting cold feet. She's done it before. She tends to over analyze her feelings and will waffle back and forth and I just have some fears based on past experience. But now that I type it out and read it back to myself I realize that I need to let go of all that past crap if I am going to ask her to do the same.
I'm just feeling overwhelmed and a little scared. <-- Not rational, but it's the truth.
Me 47 - W 35 M 9 - T 10 2 Daughters - 7 & 9 Discovery of EA- 8/4/14 S - 8/5/15 D mentioned - 9/11/14 R & Piecing - 3/17/15 Regard one another as more important than yourselves. - Philippians 2:3
I am concerned about her moving too fast and getting cold feet. She's done it before. She tends to over analyze her feelings and will waffle back and forth and I just have some fears based on past experience. But now that I type it out and read it back to myself I realize that I need to let go of all that past crap if I am going to ask her to do the same.
I'm just feeling overwhelmed and a little scared. <-- Not rational, but it's the truth.
If she's acting on emotion you might not want to let her back in. You see as soon as she feels comfortable again, she will be back at it.
I think it's also really important to think about your needs too in terms of healing from the infidelity. If your W wants to move back in, now is the time to ask for what you need too. Have you revisited the DR content on that in the infidelity chapter?
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
I'm just feeling overwhelmed and a little scared. <-- Not rational, but it's the truth.
I strongly recommend you pay attention to your feelings of fear. Fear is not always a negative emotion. Fear is also there to protect us. If it was not for fear we would recklessly walk down dark alleys in the middle of the night with wads of cash dangling out of our pockets.
The good news is that you are both moving toward the same point. The other good news is there is no deadline forcing you to reach that point one day earlier than both of you ar ready.
You won't know when she is ready. Only she will know this. But you will when know some of the signs are pointing to you will be ready.
