Uhhh What cont'd

[Complex]

Please mac don't forget about yourself. It really sounds like you are highly dependent on W. Which is very unhealthy, for any kind of relationship.
You have to learn how to respect and love yourself first, before you can truly live someone else and have a healthy relationship.

In your words I'm also missing a heatlhy does of "anger"..Don't get me wrong, anger is not good!!!! But you are allowed and should be healthyly angry towards her for what she is doing. I hope no one gets me wrong here, and please don't tell her about being angry. But inside yourself you need to protect yourself, defend yourself, create boundaries for yourself for what is acceptable for you and what not. So maybe I shouldn't call it a anger, but it's a human reaction too. Do you feel any of this of how would you describe your feelings right now?

All this is not about her anymore! It's about YOU

[Mac00]

Had a brief exchange while I made dinner for the kids (ya, she had her share too). I was in the kitchen, she came in stared at me while my back was turned (saw her out of the corner of my eye). She asked what I was making. I told her Steak, asparagus, pan fried mushrooms, corn, potatoes and brocoli. I said I was going to make it yesterday, she asked "why didnt you?" (sorta didn't like her tone). I said, I was out, when I came back in, you already had something in the oven. She noticed I have new clothes...she asked "do you need to be dressed up to make supper?" hmm..she noticed. I can't wait till tomorrow to just bugger off and go to the gym. Pretty sure she's also checking my texts. Sent one to a boss today, usually phone blinks when i have a txt. No blinking, then I find I have two replies. I'm honestly surprised she noticed the clothes.
Want to watch a movie with the kids upstairs, but she's lounging on the couch. That [censored]. Shouldn't be around her.

[Mac00]

Anger? Oh hell no, I'm friggin pissed. I want to call that A-hole, or grab the phone from her when I know he's on it. I'm not exactly all chuckles over her right now, all smug and up and down the stairs from the living room to the bedroom to chat on the phone. The fact that I sleep on the floor in the basement while she's upstairs.
I've read some posts, I've almost contemplated going up as she hangs on the couch late at night watching tv, and just go to bed up there like I used to. Sure, she'd bitch, but at least I could tell her it was my bed too, and she can feel free to sleep on the couch. It would be a REALLY big fight though, that would push her sooo far.
I wouldn't really say I'm reliant. I guess Complex, I just miss the wife I had 4 weeks ago. SO not her, so not our house. I ain't rich, I dont drive (a car, I have a motorcycle), I make ends meet with just above min wage. Detaching would be awesome, If I didn't feel guilty everytime I leave the house and my kids are here; or, if I had the money to go somewhere. Im squirelling it away, "just in case" I get hit with something unexpected. Not only that, but winter here. For instance, she mentioned I was dressed up while I made dinner today...would've been perfect to say, that yes, I have plans to head out...but, it's -30 right now, I'd freeeeze outside walking anywhere close enough to spend any amount of time in. Playing pool, the gym, coffee, running at the track..ect. I just can't believe she can do this [censored], without any regard for the past 6yrs, and yet EVERYONE can see her fantasy's a pipe dream. I've usually just cut and run when I get a nutter (high school, ect.) But this is my wife. I can't do that..hell, I don't even "know" why. I just feel that I have to, she was all I had (not speaking of a life, just...special.

[Mac00]

So ya, I'm angry. Pisses me off I see nothing in her though. Today the clothes, a few days ago pissed I went out and thought I lied....geez, even last night I left at 930 until almost 1am...not even a question as to why, or where I went. I know she was awake, I heard her upstairs, but I liken it to probably on the phone with A-hole.

[4mendmj]

Mac,I feel your anger, your pain. I delicately relate to the guilt for leaving the kids when you are normally the one doing the work.

[Complex]

You HAVE to enforce some of your boundaries. Otherwise she will lose any respect for you, if she didn't already. Of course there is s danger it'll pull her far away. Yes it will...temporarily. And it'll hurt you. But down the road, believe me, you won't regret making her angry. She's the one who is doing this, NOT YOU. So she has to feel some consequences too.
If the bed thing is an issue. Don't just go up there and sleep. Tell her that this is your bed too. If necessary and helping avoiding a big fight compromise with her. That's what I did. A week her in the bed, a week you. That's what I'm doing right now. Solved a potential huge discussion, enforces at least some boundary.

Read as much as you possibly can on this forum. It'll help!!! You need the knowledge to control yourself, deal with your situation and to become a better person. You are here for a reason, are you?

[Mac00]

...Well that's just a kick in the nuts. Tabby came down, told the kids if they wanted to go, then it was time to go (to a festival downtown-"Frosty Fest". Didn't even ask if I'd like to come.
The boundaries I'd like to enforce, such as, not talking to this idiot in our house, take it outside...I've told her. I can't "enforce" that. She does what she likes anyway. Will be putting the kids to bed tonight, and going out.

[Complex]

Boundaries are sth for yourself. What you allow for yourself. Not for other people. Enforcing them would mean for example if she is lying to you and you KNOW you could tell her I know you are lying, I can't talk to you like this. And then leave the room/house. That's a boundary.
Rough situation for you. Who is paying the rent and the bills?
Could you get some local help, like free Christian counseling, marriage support groups? Anything? Going out for drinks is also not a good idea. You have to focus. Did you read Michelle's book?

[Mac00]

I was wrong. And, surprised. About 5 mins after I posted she was heading out with the kids, she came downstairs and said "you know you can come if you want". So I agreed, she asked how long it would take till I'm ready "5 mins" was the answer. I mentioned 'revamping' the basement, she didn't know what I meant.
I have alot of boxes with military gear, junk, ect in them in the basement (its not exactly 'nice' looking). Told her I was planning on making it nice, cleaning it up. I know she doesn't believe me, I've been saying it for at least 6 months. I'm going to do it (she'll be surprised..one of her complaints was that I say something, but don't follow through, this time, I will. All and all the outing was short, only and hour. She talked (maybe to herself?) ..can't find parking here, car isn't heating up fast enough..ect. ect. I said nothing. I was the best with the kids though, cotton candy, ect...it was nice. Hardest part was being out with her, when she wasn't looking, I couldn't help but to think of how lucky I am/was. She's gorgeoius. She mentioned that next year, its a festival 'we' should avoid. Of course, 'we' can be her and the kids. Called around, there are a few bars open tonight. Though she hated my driking, i'm going to go out...even for a few hours. For me. Well, honestly two fold...I want to see if there will be a reaction again. Shower, cologne, and out the door. Play some pool I suppose. It was wierd...though were out as a 'family' it felt 'normal'. sorta.

[4mendmj]

Complex, your boundaries post above hits home. Mac00, I hate that feeling of feeling almost guilty for leaving the kids at home to go out and do something for yourself. Can't wait for the weather to get nicer when free things outside can be enjoyed. Hang in there sir.