I need help, advice please please please

[Cadet]

To sum it up and update it here we go.
My wife was swayed into this emotional or physical affair because of the lack of time I had to spend with her and also my actions.Ultimately she opened that door but when a decent looking guy is hitting on you for 6 hours everyday I don't stand a chance when I only get to see her for 3. I have taken complete responsiblity for anything I have done wrong and she knows that. Started a new job a enjoy alot. I love going to the gym, I have emotionally opened up to all of my friends and family and learned so much about myself in the past 4 weeks. I have tapped into my subconciouse and learned alot about controlling my emotions, feelings, and open to what I really am feeling.
So today, My wife has been on her own for 8 days now and in her own apartment for 4days. I asked her how she was feeling the first couple days she was in her apartment and she made it clear she was so happy, and she didn't miss me. I haven't contacted her or bothered her for a total of 8 days or so. So a few days after she told me that no calls from her up until this point. She texted me and said she knows I am at work and she was wondering how I was doing? I responded later I was doing good. She asked if I had a good weekend I told her I took our puppy out to the park and took him to petco let him pick out a toy. She asked how he was doing I said he is fine. I made a little optimistic joke about me having to wake up at 5am and she said I bet he hates that. So now to my question. I am doing this no contact do nothing mentality but how am I suppose to act. I mean c'mon How am I doing? really? I feel like my best friend has died but worse because she is still there continuing to hurt me. I dont know if she is contacting me because she really cares or because she is seeing if I am ok so that makes her feel better to move on with this other f'ing guy. I don't know if I am suppose to act like I am good or tell her how bad my heart hurts??
Am I suppose to continue this small talk via text I just don't know.
I am making some giant steps for myself and I feel great about that, yes too late but I am working on me everyday. That being said I hurt so bad because 11 years of friendship for me doesn't dissapear in 8 days.
I am also so upset that she is absolutely emotionless. She has turned off everything to justify this decision she has made to make it OK. Example. She loves our dog more than anything on this planet. She came to pack her clothes when she left and looked at him and said Bye I'm going to miss you. No sadness no tears like a statue. Now she surrounds herself with these 21 year old kids that are probably telling her this is all a good idea, but where will they be in a month? She left everything for this guy she has known for 2 months without giving telling me she was unhappy.
The wife I married and the person I knew even a month ago was kind, sweet, would give anything to anybody, caring, not at all selfish, loved her family. The person that I talked to a few days ago was selfish, unhappy, cold, depressed. I just can't fathom leaving everybody and not caring anymore, turning off your emotions so nothing hurts, and I am left here wondering why.
Do I not contact her at all? I dont know if she cares to talk anyways?
She has never been in a bad relationship, Is me not contacting her letting her move closer to this guy.
I partially thinks it is good for her to be alone, the problem is she is filling all of her freetime with people who barely know her.?
When she contacts me how do I act?
Do I let her know how bad I am hurting truly?
We truly had a great marriage, I have messages from her 2 months ago right before this guy showed up saying how great of a husband I was and how much she loved me,with the happy sensitive enthusiasm I always knew. I sent her flowers at work and she regularly told everyone how amazing I was. Then this guy shows up and she thinks the grass is greener. So what do I do now??
I worry about her because she dropped her entire support system. All she has is her mom, who loves me because she truly knows what kind of person I am,and her brother and cousin who are great friends. and this F'ing guy.I am scared that when her emotions come back and she left everything and everybody...now what? I want my wife back but I am realistic about what is going on now. I know she will regret it one day when she is sick and wants there to be someone that loves her and bring her soup and hold her hair back that isnt a guy at a bar 6 hours a day hitting on a married women telling her all the right things waiting on his chance we have a problem.

Sigh it just hurts I feel great what I am doing for myself, but I miss my wife,partner,best friend to share this with.

Brought over from other thread that was started.

Please stick to one until 100 posts.

I would suggest that it is best to stop all pursuit and

LET GO!

DB'ing is counter intuitive.

I know this is hard but it is the correct path.

[susana4]

Seth,
You'll see this a lot around these boards - "believe none of what she says and half of what she does." So I don't think you should believe your wife when she says something like "She is unhappy because we didn't listen to the radio station she wanted to in the car."

It sounds like you know some issues already and are working to address them - that's good! Was there anything she mentioned over the course of your M? What would she complain about? Anything?

Re: the texts - it's fine to ignore. Whether you want to go no contact (NC) or continue with lighthearted texts is up to you. If you think not speaking will help you, then you don't need to reply. Just make sure none of what you text can be construed as pursuit in any way (I know, I made this mistake yesterday!). Just keep it light.

It might seem counterintuitive but YES be upbeat and positive in all your interactions with W. It may make her think twice about what she's missing. And people want to be around those that make them happy. Plus, if you're working on your anxiety a PMA would be a great way to show it.

Good luck.

[Cadet]

So quickly. me male 27 W 26 married 5 years together 11 no kids but I have our great puppy. Was happily married never fought, never argued, same laid back personalities. She works alot, this guy starts hanging out at her work for hours daily I can't compete. I catch this emotional affair early cried, begged, but confronted and accepted all my problems and solving them daily. She got her own apartment 2 weeks after she told me she was unhappy, loved me but wasn't in love with me. The entire time I kept my cool told her I wanted our marriage to work, said it was good that she got her own apartment becuase of the time she could have to herself. I think this is a grass is greener situation but I now know to give her all the space she wants since she feels smothered. She has been on her own for 6 days "still early" I know but she left everyone for this decision. All of her emotions are shut off to justify that this is what will make her happy. The only people she has to truly talk to are these 20 year old kids at work, this guy, and her mom. She has never been in a bad relationship, mistreated,trust issues, been abused, hurt because we were together so young.
Now to my questions.
She text me how are you doing?
No talking for 3 days and I get this. So my response was my new job was going good I had a good day at work and enjoy it there alot.
I ask her how her work is going she says fine.
I don't know if she is asking me to see if I am going to be ok on my own to make herself feel better or if she actually cares. Also we have a dog she loved more than anything that she walked away from and she asked me to send a picture and says she misses him. That being said this is the first time she has mentioned any emotions in 3 weeks. I sent her a picture and she said Thank you!! I said your welcome.
Do i bring up financial stuff, Ask if she is happy?
She works all the time and I don't cant to ask about what she is doing because I am letting her try this separated life she thinks will bring her happiness but what do we talk about?
When is it time to answer, I'm not doing good, I think about you all the time and when I am working I sometimes get a break from the pain when my mind is too busy. I feel like my best friend died, but worse because of the decisions you have made. I go to the gym everyday and run 2 miles so I have 10 minutes of slight relief from the heartbreak you caused. That is what I want to say but just keep staying strong?
Act like everything is ok if she only wants to make small talk?
I hate that she has turned off her emotions and doesnt have to think about my me, my sisters and mom balling her eyes out because she feels like she is losing a daughter. All because this guy she enjoys talking to that she met 2 months ago. I am angry sad upset jealous hurt confused but finding out so much about myself. Taking these giant steps for me and that I feel great about. I can honestly say I know myself now more than ever and I love the new me.
So what now? Keep not texting or calling?
When we do talk act like everything is fine Im doing good?
I dont want her to feel like she cant contact me because I dont text her or that I am mad or something?
ugh I dont know I need help.

Brought over from another thread