Okay -- annnnnddd... She just left for work... As she came down the stairs she quickly said "g'bye!" -- which is normal for post BD -- and at least for the past month she has said that while continuing to walk down the hall towards the kitchen without even looking back towards the office or me.
But just now, she stopped and turned around to look at me -- I'm working in our home office at the foot of the stairs. I looked up and looked her in the eye as I said "Bye! Have a good day." and she replied with "You too!"
But -- still no affection in tone and I'm not talking about her going back to giving me a kiss goodbye and telling me she loves me before she leaves the house...
This is just freaking odd behavior from her right now. She just spent a little over a week in the arms of OW who she seems to be madly in love with -- so why change behavior after coming back from that trip?
I am not going to let myself believe that she is having a change of heart... Maybe she is just trying to make a real effort to be more friendly instead of being Monster.
So on my list of things I hope and pray that we one day find a real cure for: MLC It's not as high on the list as cancer and alzheimer's, but it's now on the list...
As for me today -- going on continue the job search and have lunch with a good friend of mine at the school district...
Speaking of friends... Also going to allow myself to reflect on -- and be intrigued by -- the fact that a few of my friends who are single have reached out to me with "hey, heard your sad news... feel free to give me a call if you want to hang out, grab dinner, or a drink!" For some I am sure that they are reaching out from friendship, but in at least a couple of instances it seems to be from an interest beyond just being friends... Not that I'm interested in dating right now -- but just the thought that there is interest from a few women that I do think are attractive, intelligent, and interesting... Well, it certainly helps boost my ego right at the moment. :-)
Me 48, Her 50 (Same-Sex Couple) 3 Children Together: 9.5 years before BD BD: Week of 10/27/14 ExW started EA w OW 9/2014 ExW married OW 12/2015
Had a great lunch with my friend... And in the process, met two people who work in some of my areas of expertise, so it was very easy to chat with them about their work and discuss ideas... Hoping these weekly lunches continue to increase my chances of meeting the right people for the job prospects.
Now back home and just trying to get some work done before time to pick up the kiddos from school.
Doing okay right at the moment... Plan for the evening is to have as calm an evening as possible with the three kids regardless of when W gets home or what she's like when she gets home.
Me 48, Her 50 (Same-Sex Couple) 3 Children Together: 9.5 years before BD BD: Week of 10/27/14 ExW started EA w OW 9/2014 ExW married OW 12/2015
Hey Don't knock plan B most people are living theirs.
Besides plans in general are usually just a list of things that don't happen.
It's hard not to snoop, I know, and I know you can find any sort of reason to snoop. You should stop though, best case your going to find something. Worst case is you don't...so you keep looking until you do or make up bigger monsters in your mind.
Let me suggest something about the 'emotionless" responses. Why? Is being the ice queen going to make her miss you more or...will it justify the warmth of the OW arms?
You don't loss anything Right Now by being a little more warm.
There is a time and place for chilly stares and emotionless soul sucking responses, but right now? She has an opportunity to see the good. Hell maybe even miss or question not wanting it?
This is not a game...and yet, it is a game.
You can responded nicely AND still go out and be mysterious if you want to play it that way.
It doesn't hurt you right now.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
Hey Don't knock plan B most people are living theirs.
Besides plans in general are usually just a list of things that don't happen.
It's hard not to snoop, I know, and I know you can find any sort of reason to snoop. You should stop though, best case your going to find something. Worst case is you don't...so you keep looking until you do or make up bigger monsters in your mind.
Let me suggest something about the 'emotionless" responses. Why? Is being the ice queen going to make her miss you more or...will it justify the warmth of the OW arms?
You don't loss anything Right Now by being a little more warm.
There is a time and place for chilly stares and emotionless soul sucking responses, but right now? She has an opportunity to see the good. Hell maybe even miss or question not wanting it?
This is not a game...and yet, it is a game.
You can responded nicely AND still go out and be mysterious if you want to play it that way.
It doesn't hurt you right now.
Okay -- a lot of things in there to think about Jack...
I didn't mean that I don't want to be Plan B -- I'd be very happy if that were the case... But I fear that she doesn't see me as that...
Yeah -- I know... stop snooping... I'm doing better than I was and trying hard not to do so... Will continue to keep trying hard to not do it -- even if I have to do it one moment at a time.
I'm not emotionless all of the time -- at times I've been very friendly and upbeat and am pretty sure I can be that way tonight when she gets home... But when it comes to this stupid trip she just took -- I just can't smile and say "You are very welcome!" Just can't be cheerful about it... I know that is bad and probably does turn her off a bit... So I do try to make up for that by being more upbeat and cheerful about other things and at most other times.
I guess this comes down to the fact that my W is in such a bad place that even when I am at my best, she still doesn't see the good that I bring to this home and our family... I am just the horrible enemy who has made her life miserable for the past 10 years... (Totally not true, but "true" in her MLC mind)
Me 48, Her 50 (Same-Sex Couple) 3 Children Together: 9.5 years before BD BD: Week of 10/27/14 ExW started EA w OW 9/2014 ExW married OW 12/2015
So your OW is not readily available, you did say that you are gettign some looks from your W, more so than previously right? Take in consideration she is a MLC'r ... so nothing makes sense, but quite possibly maybe the trip was a nice getaway from the pressure (my readings would say MLC'rs would love this) ... however possibly the OW hype was not all that she might have imagined it to be.
Jack is right ... be you, the most amazing you you can be .. not so much to win W back, but for you. "I am just the horrible enemy who has made her life miserable for the past 10 years" Oh I can relate ... I was that person for 2, then 4 then 10. Today during the spew I got the "We are not compatible" .... after 24 years this one came up, who knew? They are in crisis and miserable, remember its so much easier to look at those who are closest to blame than to look in that mirror. Its going to take time .. ALOT of it. Let em vent and spew, take the high road, soon you will start to see why it had to be 'this' way .... I can not speak for anyone, but I know that God did this to me, there was not way I would have made the changes I have without this MLC crazy train pushing me to do so.
As crazy and heartbreaking as all of this is for me and our family -- I can definitely see how I am growing from this. From a spiritual standpoint I really get it -- God needed to really shake me up to get me to come back... So yes, I do see it that way (the same way that you see it) and I am trying very hard to be the most amazing me that I can be :-)
And I know that her MLC is not about me anyway. It's really all about something going on inside of her.
I do know that they apparently had a great week together -- couldn't help it this morning and did a little snooping and found a card from OW that she gave my W to read "on the plane" and it was very clear what happened on the trip. At first I felt sad and mad, but now I just feel sad for both of them because no matter how wonderful it was -- it was a vacation and, at least for my W, it's all completely secret. Think about that for a moment -- when we fall madly and deeply in love with someone, don't we all want to tell EVERYONE about it? Don't we all want to share photos and stories of how wonderful this person is and how much we love them and how much fun we had together on our vacation? And my W can't do any of that. So it may have been wonderful, but how sad to not be able to share that with anyone. And it was just a vacation -- they still have not had to be with each other while also dealing with boring day-to-day stuff and stress...
But I am going to really stop trying to snoop. I don't like that I'm doing it and there isn't much I can do with the info.
Just heard her car pull in... Off now to work on some of my grading and do a few other things before heading up to bed.
Me 48, Her 50 (Same-Sex Couple) 3 Children Together: 9.5 years before BD BD: Week of 10/27/14 ExW started EA w OW 9/2014 ExW married OW 12/2015
I totally get what your saying about how sad/pathetic it is that you W can't share her love story vacation.
I sometimes think that I wonder what my xH and his girlfriend tell strangers "their love story" is about how they met. They all most come up with creative ways of rewriting things.
Denial is a powerful thing.
Look at Bill Cosby still believing his own lies. And he got away with them for decades.
---- M 39 H 35 D5,D4 M 4 T 9 ILYBNILWY 5/18/11 Left 7/11/11 Divorced 12/1/13
I totally get what your saying about how sad/pathetic it is that you W can't share her love story vacation.
I sometimes think that I wonder what my xH and his girlfriend tell strangers "their love story" is about how they met. They all most come up with creative ways of rewriting things.
Denial is a powerful thing.
Look at Bill Cosby still believing his own lies. And he got away with them for decades.
I know when my W and I first met and fell in love, she was so eager to introduce me to her friends and family as soon as possible. I know that's the kind of person she is, so I am sure that not being able to do that is contributing to some of her depression -- on top of whatever other issues are contributing to her depression. I just can't imagine that having to lie and sneak around can really be that much fun... But I've never done it, so I really don't know what it's like.
I noticed this morning that she is back to her previous pattern of sleeping late in the mornings (which means I am 100% in charge of getting kids off to school), so I am also assuming that she is up all night with OW (on Skype, texting, whatever) and falling back into her previous level of depression (pre-trip) which means if Monster isn't back just yet, she will be very soon. I say I assume she is up all night because I am not bothering to get up in the middle of the night to check anymore. I need my sleep and I really just don't care now.
Today I am trying to focus on the job search but also need to work on some co-parenting agreement stuff before she and I meet on Monday to discuss it. I know she also wants an update on my employment situation because that impacts when I can look for a new place, so she isn't going to be happy to hear that I am still trying to get in for an interview and that there is no new job in hand just yet. So whatever... maybe I'll borrow one of CaliGuy's spew jackets :-)
Me 48, Her 50 (Same-Sex Couple) 3 Children Together: 9.5 years before BD BD: Week of 10/27/14 ExW started EA w OW 9/2014 ExW married OW 12/2015
And I think I was right... She just ran down the stairs and quickly said "goodbye" without stopping like she did yesterday... She did reply back with "you too" when I said "Bye, have a good day!", but obviously is avoiding seeing me or speaking to me if she doesn't have to do so.
Should be a fun weekend!
Me 48, Her 50 (Same-Sex Couple) 3 Children Together: 9.5 years before BD BD: Week of 10/27/14 ExW started EA w OW 9/2014 ExW married OW 12/2015
Have been busy with separation stuff... Going over co-parenting plan templates and printing for Monday's meeting, putting together spreadsheet for all home maintenance stuff (contracts, schedules, contact info), and creating a list of things that I want from our home...
Now feeling really sad and so upset about all of this... I hate this. Absolutely hate it. This is so unfair to me, our kids, and all of our family and friends who love us as a family.
And I can't do anything about it except let her go on her way creating a path of destruction in her wake. She is just h*llbent on separation -- no care or concern for who gets hurt in the process.
Going to have to stop working on this soon and take a mental, emotional, and spiritual health break...
Me 48, Her 50 (Same-Sex Couple) 3 Children Together: 9.5 years before BD BD: Week of 10/27/14 ExW started EA w OW 9/2014 ExW married OW 12/2015
