HP, I think you are handling this beautifully. You are reaping the peace that comes from detachment. And you are keeping a positive attitude towards W and her relationship with S, while at the same time leaving it to her to repair.
You have come so far since moving out. You have this, HP, you absolutely have this.
Me:45 ExW:48 M:04/97 3 Bombs & 2 ReCons 1st BD 11/10 D Finalized 4/20 D-16 S-14 Going in one more round when you don't think you can. That's what makes all the difference in life.~Rocky Balboa
Well done with the latest text exchange...yes, do you now see how much more effective the collaborative approach is with W?
You wrote:
W said a little while ago she did not want S12 to have the schedule to save him stress. That doesn't make sense.
Chuckling at this. Isn't this so patently obvious that W does not want to be transparent with S12 with her shifting schedule changes??! Too bad. Now S12 has access to it and iis now out in public. Believe me, W will try her damnest to toe the line knowing full well that S12 sees and knows the schedule.
I hurt so much for your son reading through your thread. He may only be 12 but seems to be a very young adult struggling with so many emotions of loss, himself. You sound like a wonderful father, HP. I can almost feel that energy you're trying to attract from here. Self respect and a level head looks hot on anyone.
This thing where your W assumes you're projecting all your feelings...I wonder...I see you asking if she might have a private moment to speak at the next drop off time...and gently telling her you understand her concern, look her in the eyes and tell her you are nothing but respectful and positive about her in discussion with your S. But that he isn't a young child or an empty vessel to be filled with your perspectives - and has his own thoughts and feelings about what is going on. It assumes a lot that what he is expressing to her has anything to do with your feelings about the situation.
You seem to have mastered the cordial neighbor thing and it seems this could be twice as powerful delivered in person instead of a text if it could be done with the same detachment and respect. If she really thinks S12's angry and hurt feelings are yours, she's missing the point that you're over this b.s., or thinks you coolness is an act.
Wishing you well, HP.
Mid 30's Psych-abusive M with violent tantrums from XH D 9/15; NC forever on
Wow thank you everyone for the kind words of support. I really want the schedule to work for S12.
Funny about schedule... I forgot when my next IC appointment was so I texted IC. She said today at 5. She was then good enough to warn me W has an appointment with S12 at 4. I and S12 did not know that. So she will tell S12 only today about an appointment that makes him anxious. I just hope it does S12 good.
Just be dispassionate about what she does.
Just keep going.
Me: 44 W: 45 S: 11 Married: 15 Together: 18 BD: 9/29/2014 OM discovered: 10/16/2014 I left her behind: 12/14/2014
Hey bdub. Yes it's good news A12 goes to therapy. W. It was my idea to take s12 to IC with me. She initially said S12 is resilient so no problem. When he started cursing at her, then she invited herself to take him to my IC. I just have to watch her turning all problems into my fault.
On another note... It seems a little like she thinks I want this separation. I suppose that's what I would want her to think as I'm DBing. I have to watch I don't get irritated at that. Just stay in my picnic.
Me: 44 W: 45 S: 11 Married: 15 Together: 18 BD: 9/29/2014 OM discovered: 10/16/2014 I left her behind: 12/14/2014
