Plain Vanilla #6

[Vanilla]

I understand. Club rules Edz are club rules. Generally they are there for a purpose and that is to protect us from harmful contact and scams. We are very vulnerable.

I suspect that by going on courses and so on we accidentally lock. The open PM etc may well be for vets.

After a long period generally DBers are more stable, but of course there is always mischief makers that can cause harm too. Indeed it would require great Machiavelli tendencies to post here for months on end and true personality not to leak. Over time we reveal more of our true selves, but if you have ever seen catfish on TV then not always in online situations. I, for one believe that there is no point in limiting our sitch as then there are views from fellow DBers that are incomplete. As to facts which relate to others and which can be sensitive for them then we have to be more guarded and that can be limiting for us. Clearly that is currently the case for you. V understands this.

You have the BFT to confide in too! She is very confidential because of lack of memory.

Whispers to keep secret from BFT, "special menu for BFT from V"

V

[Mozza]

I think personal messages and real identities are not allowed because there are a lot of vulnerable people around here. LBS might start imagining that they have a real connection with someone else, simply because they seem the opposite of their WAS (committed, devoted, open, faithful...). Also, there might be people coming here to make up identifies with the goal of telling a sad story and scoring men/women. Finally, I like that everything has to be out in the open, so that we even see one-on-one conversations. The Boards would lose much if we started parallel conversations on our sitches.

I agree though that it's not so cool to have the whole thing on Google, forever...

[edz]

Agreed on the points above, for me I'd be happy if none of the posts could be searched for on web searches and only available to logged in users at least then I'd feel confident in opening up on the bits I dont at the moment.

But yes I see where it would be easy to end up with inappropriate contact going on.

[edz]

Oh and V BFT is good at secrets but her advice always includes; chicken, ham, chicken & ham, cheese or fish. Which, try as I might, I cant turn into a cohesive plan of action

[Dawn70]

You continue to amaze and impress me with your GAL, your detachment, your positive attitude. I am so glad you are here!

[edz]

Morning v

How's it going, you still busy with work or at full GALlop now (see what I did there, no?

[Sotto]

Morning V. Hope you're doing ok. Are you taking some relaxing time now after your big work effort? How's H doing these days??

Thanks for your info about Ceroc - I'm looking into that one!

Toots x

[cat04]

You will probably not get an answer from mods on.

No personal information and no mention of other sites is something you agree to in the TOS and for them, that is the answer.

There was a time, many many years ago when PM and sharing emails was allowed. One poster, that I know of, ended up being stalked by someone she met here.

It is for everyones safety and privacy.

And the "vets" get no special pm privledge either.

[edz]

Thanks cat04, I appreciate its for our own security, would be nice if every page wasnt open to the google cache though. Seems a little bit silly to put in place those restrictions for privacy and safety then leave the rest open to any search engines but I can understand its so people searching for help could find the site, it is how I got here.

Thanks again

[Vanilla]

All

I just have fun talking with you DBers, and share my pain, I get great advice and support too.

Vanilla is back on track with GAL, it's orange Wednesday today so meeting up with pal to go to see a film. Cooked a fish pie to take for supper too.

Snow is gone, none left.

Viewing on the house tomorrow so spent the day cleaning and tidying. Tenants have no proper boiler so engineer was supposed to ring, sat around all afternoon waiting for the call. Nah......

A lot of work on, all of the stuff which did not happen in January on the non tax returns.

H had a three tantrum day to day.
1. V put a dirty cup in the dishwasher without washing it first
2. V is a bad wife as house would be clean and H would not have to do anything. Cleaner is useless and not doing enough (untrue she is here for one hour and works very hard).
3. H needs money, V does not earn enough and is lazeeee

V will not be insulted so will enforce boundaries later. H has gone to see his granddaughters so all will be quiet.

The incidence of rant and spew is reducing though very slowly and gradually. V will keep on enforcing boundaries. I will not be subject to insults. It is my personal ethos not to insult H or any one else. And there is no point in enforcing boundaries whilst the rant etc. is in full blown mode, so I STFU and carry on with a surprised look.

In general I do not notice H behaviour or comment on it when he rants and spews. But I will validate if his comment is justified and will try to correct and apply change for the future.

H: I am going out for lunch
Me: that's nice
h: I am going to the cafe in the village and will sit and read my paper on my own
Me: OK have a lovely lunch

10 minutes later
Me: that was quick, was it closed?
H: No I decided to get some bread rolls and have soup
Me: there are several soups in the fridge, is there one you prefer?
H: I will do my own thanks
Me: OK

Then he sits at the table and joins me for lunch. H had vegetable and bean soup.

The previous two evenings he has sat for supper too. If I am cooking (which is normally the case unless I am working) then I always ask if he would like some food. Inevitably the answer is no, or if yes then he grabs the food and eats in front of the TV. I always sit at the table. Monday I cooked chicken curry with rice and vegetable side, yesterday I made salmon en croute with peas and kale. He sat and ate with me at the table on both nights. V will report if this trend continues. I have continue to ask if H would like food despite the continual negative response since last October.

H says that he is not feeling very well and indeed he does not look good, but V is not surprised as he has been drinking heavily, smoking constantly and then pushing himself to play golf. Poor life style choices have caught up with him and he has constant colds, chest infections and H is sleeping for long hours. H tells me that he has cut back on his drinking, which I have detached from, I do not monitor, I really am unsure in this. H is worried about his headaches and that his glands are swollen. H is very clearly depressed and alcohol will not help. His choice.

H has told me he feels his life is in the 'pan'. V said, I am disappointed you feel that way.

I am pleased H is eating properly even for this short while. H has been living on white bread, Special K, sandwiches, crisps, beer, the right bacon, ham, pate and steak and chips at the pub. Not a vegetable in sight or fresh fruit. I now leave satsumas in a bowl for H as well as bananas for his golf. It is up to H. That kind of self abuse and lack of care will make a human feel low. At least now he will have some vegetables and fresh fish. How can H recover and feel well if he will not look after himself. All V can do is make sure that good food is offered and the fridge is stocked with Apple Juice!

V replaced the spices in the spice carousel and is using the ingredients.


V is off to GAL.

V