Communication..... when it comes to email, texts or calls should I always defer to letting her make the effort. I might have slipped up yesterday on that note. She came through the gate and smiled and waved at me I nodded back Afterwards I sent a really short email that said the color yellow always looked good on you and it was nice to see you smile, have a great day. She responded with it was really good to see you smile as well and thank you for the compliment. What do you think... too far!
A general rule of thumb is that any communication initiated by you right now is seen as pursuing.
Think about this: Does W know that YOU know she's staying with OM, broken? If so, think about things from her perspective: H knows I'm sleeping with OM, and he's STILL showering me with compliments! I have TWO men interested in me, and both are begging for my attention. This is toooooo easy! I love the attention! I think I'll just keep doing things the same way for a while ...
Now, if you see her in person and notice she looks nice - especially if you, yourself, are feeling confident about how YOU'RE looking - I, personally, don't see anything wrong with a passing, "Dang, W. Still lookin' good in yellow!" And just keep walking, without expecting a response.
The fact that she can see you walking away after saying it, upbeat and carrying on about your business, makes a compliment like that preferable to be said in person than in text.
You definitely don't want to come across as desperate or trying to "lay it on thick" while she's in an active A.
Just my .02.
M: 40 H: 44 Married 14 years S11 & D6; D20 & D19 from previous M 2BDs/PAs, 8 years apart Piecing: April 2014
Ok thank you for clarification, I will refrain from contact unless she initiates or it is very important. Luckily I'm a strong man and I love my W unconditionally becuase this stuff is so so so hard to handle and achieve without going too hot or cold.
I believe she knows I know I have not come out and said it to her. Do you think I should at least a dress that elephant in the room! Or let it play out. She told me she was at a friends while getting herself right. I.E. OM. Thank you for everything.
Today has left me feeling vulnerable and sad. Gonna try and pick myself up.
A general rule of thumb is that any communication initiated by you right now is seen as pursuing.
Think about this: Does W know that YOU know she's staying with OM, broken? If so, think about things from her perspective: H knows I'm sleeping with OM, and he's STILL showering me with compliments! I have TWO men interested in me, and both are begging for my attention. This is toooooo easy! I love the attention! I think I'll just keep doing things the same way for a while ...
Now, if you see her in person and notice she looks nice - especially if you, yourself, are feeling confident about how YOU'RE looking - I, personally, don't see anything wrong with a passing, "Dang, W. Still lookin' good in yellow!" And just keep walking, without expecting a response.
The fact that she can see you walking away after saying it, upbeat and carrying on about your business, makes a compliment like that preferable to be said in person than in text.
You definitely don't want to come across as desperate or trying to "lay it on thick" while she's in an active A.
I believe she knows I know I have not come out and said it to her. Do you think I should at least a dress that elephant in the room! Or let it play out. She told me she was at a friends while getting herself right. I.E. OM. Thank you for everything.
Today has left me feeling vulnerable and sad. Gonna try and pick myself up.
YES, I think it is imperative that you confront her with a "I know all about you and ______, and I will not live in an open marriage" boundary if you have not already done so. Be sure to do it upon ROCK-SOLID evidence, or a rock-solid 100% sure she's lying to you at that moment, moment.
You can say something like "Look, I don't want a divorce, but make no mistake -- I will NOT live in an open marriage, and I will NOT wait forever. Looks like we both have some decisions to make."
how do I go about discussing this topic if she has already moved out of the house also do I need to do it in person or can I email to avoid any other conference confrontation
should I just get straight to the point and talk about nothing else tell her how I feel what I expect and leave it at that or do you suggest a different alternative
It needs to come up IN CONTEXT (like immediately when she next lies to you about OM, for instance) . . . otherwise it will only seem like a tactic to get her back.
