I think she means things you saw early on that maybe showed sides of him that weren't so great that you either excused or ignored. Similar to my examples
Me 52 H 44 T9 M 5 BD 12/11 H split 8/12 OW moved in 12/12 OW gone for good 6/14 We get closer again 9/14 SD 13 Me 4 Grown
Accept what is...let go of what was and have faith in what will be.
The boys and I finished building our fire put yesterday. We ordered some beautiful pavers... It looks so nice! We are having our first fire tonight and making smores!
So red flags... Yes his behavior was pretty similar to this before BD. I honestly didn't think much of it and just thought he was stressed. For the most part we had a pretty good relationship minus the financial issue.
I'm really struggling today. Trying to let go. I am really trying.
I just am trying to wrap my head around how someone goes from full on anything I need to reconcile to me being the enemy and wanting a divorce again.
Trying to get back to DB 101. I know I will be okay either way but I wouldn't be here if I didn't want to save our M.
I'm just looking for a sign or something. I need help figuring out my path. I'm hoping tomorrow will be a better day. Since seeing himat ex boss's and him not telling me he was going to be there. Me finding out on my own has thrown my mind in a tail spin. I need to not be a doormat and stand up for myself. But I also have to figure out how to do so with respecting him and being the person only a fool would leave.
We have been utilizing the fire pit and making smores... The boys love it! Best investment thus far and it looks beautiful on the back yard.
H and I had MC yesterday. We have another appointment for next week. The MC asked what we want -- are we going to work on things or not. H said he is taking things day by day hoping for this new job to come through (this is a job that with a large corporation that would require a commute but he would be making better money).
The C reiterated to H that he seems 'pissed off' with me. He also said this in our last session together. H still stuck by saying he was stressed with work and finances. MC instead pushed H (last time he backed off). He said you don't treat your W the way you're both saying you're treating her unless you angry or hurt or both by her.
So here is the deal , well what he says is his deal. He felt that his debt was rightfully his but he is/was hurt that be felt that he tried to talk to me about how broke he was and he felt I didn't care. He felt I didn't support him or care about his struggles because it was his debt he created (and he said he understood it wasn't my responsibility) so since he felt I didnt care. He withdrew and figured he would do it on his own.
Now even though I told him for the last couple months I would help he said he doesn't believe it. The counselor asked if I habe ... He said he seems that I'm trying as best as I can.
As far as divorce .. h didn't use the word. But did say he has days that are good and bad as far as he doesn't know if he wants to be together. C asked him to describe his 'good' days .. What am I doing for him that make the good days.
He said there's no difference in me its in him. He said so T is acting the same towards you on your good and bad days. H said yes.
H brought up seeing me drive by his old work. He was pretty angry about it. Luckily C and I had a few minutes to chat before H arrived (he was stuck in traffic) so we addressed it like I hadn't told him. He asked H if it was unfair for me to do that given the past. H skirted around it .. C asked again and h said no. C told H ... She is not doing it to control you, she is doing it out of fear. People act I. Ways that may come Off controlling when they are acting on fear. She is afraid. You have to help show her she shouldn't be afraid.
So Wednesday (before C) H called me to say he was going to work at ex boss's and would be there 1-2 hours. He was home within that time. I praised him to the C regarding this and said H handled the situation perfectly and thats all I needed from him.
So where this leaves us I'm not sure. I did tell the counselor I just need to feel like H is in this M. I just want to know what he needs from me and if I am doing things that hurt him. I apologized to H for not communicating with him enough to understand his feelings and that he felt I didnt care.
T, I don't know how things are going to ultimately turn out for you, but I see it as a good sign that your H will at least express himself in front of the C. My H has been and still is closed up as tight as a clam. We are never going to get anywhere that way. I have hope for you.
So Wednesday (before C) H called me to say he was going to work at ex boss's and would be there 1-2 hours. He was home within that time. I praised him to the C regarding this and said H handled the situation perfectly and thats all I needed from him.
Just to clarify, did you also praise him directly after he did this? I think it's great that he reached out. I agree with RPP. It sounds like you have reasons to hope.
Me: 30 H: 35 M: 5 years S2 Signs of MLC started Feb 2014 BD - PA July 2014 Piecing/reconciling late July 2014
