I make your words mine. They are beautiful and I too believe that it is all worthy. It's probably the most amazing touch of a human being, that we hurt because we feel.
My M had great moments, it was a real family with a lot of joy. We did not have many problems and we did not even fight much. Our kids are good young men, we built a lot for two people that started with almost nothing. Always when possible we had meals together.
And the reason we got so apart is just life's design with one sickness after another, kids growing and the stress of so many things to do, work stress, money stress.
And now, I can see a little more clear that the opportunity present itself and H showed his weakness. There were opportunities to me but I always had my head on my M. Never consider to escape in some adventure. I feel good I never did, it was my choice and I am proud of it.
Yes, I am letting go the fear. I keep thinking about 25 and her posts, so much to learn from her. I will face life with good attitude, I am a bright and smart person and I know I will do it.
I am glad I hurt, the love inside me is so giant that it hurts beautifully.
Thanks for the coaching. It is very valuable to me and I appreciate the time you are dedicating to me.
I went to the funeral today. My manager was devastated, she looked at me and she hugged me strong, she cried a lot and she said I know what she was feeling.
It was hard to see that strong sweet woman crying in such pain. But I hold my cool and gave her the support she so much needed. She said we are her family now.
I also went to the 3rd L, he was very nice and understanding. Very handsome too (Married). He explained me the whole D process and told me I am not going to be in a bad spot. His advice was to protect myself. He said that by his experience H can put me in a corner. He may cut all credit and stop the money deposits and then I will be stock without a L and it may force me to make some tip deal with him.
He also told me that if I do not want the D, I should file for a legal separation. Everything will be done as the D, but we will be still married and have some more time to decide on things.
I will sleep on it this weekend, but I am seriously consider the legal separation and then we will have our finances separated. I even think that it will be good in terms of having some kind of definition. Besides, I don't want to live with this fear that H will go crazy and will do something that can hurt us.
It is not the total end, but it may be a wake up call. H knows I do not want the D, so he feels comfortable doing all these disrespectful things around his family. And if it is the end, so be it.
I liked the 3rd L the most, so I will work with him. My kind of people. Straight forward, simple, to he point. I need to deposit $5000 and then it will all start.
H is quite, he is in the mountains now. He is having the 2015 annual sales meeting and this weekend everyone in the team goes to the mountains to have some group activities, some fun, dinners, you name it. And of course, H is with OW since she works for the same company.
Vanilla, you said why the hotel. This woman is not from Colorado, she is from France or somewhere in the states. What is really terrible is that beside the DIA there are many hotels, and most of them are good quality hotels. H decided to stay in one that is more like a motel, Days Inn, very small, tip, pretty bad in my opinion. I do not like to stay on those kind of hotels.
And he got caught paying a tip hotel, why not then be caught paying a nice hotel. I don't know, but it is pretty bad, don't you think?
Vanilla I agree with your advice. It is a little hard for me to think that H may be confused, that he may still thinks about me sometimes. But I am trying to see it all with a different vision then mine.
A separation order is an interesting choice, and would certainly slow down H, show Pink is serious and focuses on the fins. Seems to tick a lot of boxes. Looking forward to reading about your thinking.
OW is not high class if she is skulking in low class hotels. My predictive texts said holes, very appropriate. If her company offers the best travel to her then H offering will be crummy. If that is her accommodation then she is not as well thought of as we imagine. May be the equivalent of the sailor with a girl in every port. Sleazy OW, yuk! Our beautiful Pink is a high class deal, a real lady deserving of the Ritz.
If you were here in the UK, Pink and I would get ourselves dressed in our best togs, with sassy Gg in her kick ass heels and RPP with her dressed to the shoes (and naughtiest underneath), toots is round the corner. We will all have tea at the Ritz, waited on by butlers in white aprons and gloves and with silver service. This would push the motel far into the distance. I recommend Pink that next time you are in town, find the best hotel and treat yourself to coffee and cake, lunch or a brilliant cucumber sandwich served with a glass of pink bubbles. This could be the norm especially after visiting the L, Pink is the real deal and she can treat herself that way. It will feel great to do that. Care to join me?
Vanilla
Last edited by Vanilla; 01/24/1510:00 AM.
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
Pink I've followed your thread for a while and wanted to send you some positive energy. What an upheaval you've had to deal with as of late. So sorry for your losses and your pain. I too caught my H with his AP he's in full blown MLC.
I have a seperation agreement. It does help knowing that the finances are settled. We are not divorced. Neither of us has filed yet. It's been 2.5 yrs.
Hoping that you are able to find peace and healing. ((P))
Me 52 H 44 T9 M 5 BD 12/11 H split 8/12 OW moved in 12/12 OW gone for good 6/14 We get closer again 9/14 SD 13 Me 4 Grown
Accept what is...let go of what was and have faith in what will be.
Hi Pink. Great advice from vanilla. Thinking of you and seeing lots of strength in your posts. Your ,h is a real fool. Karma will be waiting for him and it will reward you. XOXOXOX. Take care. RD
My thoughts about the separation settlement is that it will stop any financial surprise. The L said that he saw it happen many times. Once the spouse is discovered with his/her A then they blow the credit cards since they feel entitled to spend their money with the believe that the other part knows and is doing nothing about.
He also said that many of his D cases end up not in D, or separation cases that never become D. That's why he recommend the separation agreement. He told me that this will give me more financial security but will also give me more independence from H. I can change the locks, H can't come and go as he pleases. We will need to agree on child support, child visitation, the children doctors and education. We will go to class to settle the children well being. As well as family counseling.
I feel it is the right thing to do. I will take the edge of feeling at his mercy. This fear and insecurity is eating my liver and I am sure I had enough. All three L I consulted said that H has many things against him. H is not offering any family related caring and this doesn't go well for him. L said that the courts are full of man that is still thinking square, that they move on with life and their jobs and that he wife should struggle and be with the kids. So L said that he is one more man that will be seen as irresponsible.
I have a lot of work to do regarding the paperwork I need to gather. I need to come up with a nice monthly budget, have to do a house inventory, find out the real appraisal for the house. gather a lot of statements, etc. What a pain in my behind it is.
My emotions... well, not so bad anymore. Had fun yesterday, I danced a lot, pure samba sometimes. Had my high heels on, was dressed very simple but sexy. My hair is natural crawly so its always done. Many people said that I was gorgeous. And I think I was, I do not look as old as I am, so that is a plus. The only problem is that it attracts younger guys. Oh well, at least it is good for my Ego.
Regarding my Jerk H, did not hear from him anymore. He did text S20 yesterday. S20 was at the dance with me and friends. H said that he wants to get together with him to discuss his business contract for his company. S20 is starting his own business and asked H to help him with the business language on the contract. H started the text asking if everything was OK with everyone. It was around 8pm.
H is supposed to be busy next week and the L said that I need to keep very quite about the separation or D agreement. L said that H should not know about it at all so he does not stop money flow at this point. I told L that H will be going on a business trip to Brasil at the end of next week and he said that I can play hurt and try to push this week without talking to him, that this will give me time to do all the paperwork and that when I give him the agreement, the OW is not around anymore, so he won't feel so positive and strong anymore.
It makes sense. Right now he has the OW here, so if I give him any agreement to sign he will be pleased. But if it comes to him when he is on his own, it will be a heart attack because he will face financial consequences that he was not prepared for.
That is my plan for now. Do not have any contact with H, if he push for it, I will do the Vanilla advice, sorry I am not ready emotionally now. H will go on a business trip and in the meanwhile I will get all this legal stuff ready. H comes back and I have a separation agreement for him to sign. If he does not want to sign then I will serve him with a Xerife. Probably in his work.
And I will give myself a chance, I am moving forward. Right now, I will schedule all the doctors appointments, need to shop a little bit for some clothes that fits me. Need to look into the spring break and schedule a trip with the kids.
At this point I don't even know how much I want to get back with H. Every time I think he is in bed with this woman I feel that it is the end. So I will see, it is too early to say what I will do or not do. Maybe he will never comeback, maybe I will never want him back. Who knows, I certainly don't know it right now.
You have a strategy. You only have to get to H going away next week. Then you can apply your strategy and protect yourself.
It is good that H is not approaching as that will confuse you less and there will be times that you will want to spin and hurt and scream, and that will be personal to pink.
We are here for you, dear Pink. I believe you have done really well in this despite the confusion.
Peace Vanilla
Last edited by Vanilla; 01/24/1504:47 PM.
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
