Mighty, I'm only 37, but thanks to D18 - who's clearly following in my footsteps - I'm four months from becoming a (gulp) GRANDMA.
I might not be a dinosaur by our standards, but I sure feel like one! Still, cassette-tapes and VCR-tapes and such make me feel, um, vintage. Antique, maybe. And vintage and antique = valuable. So, yeah, that's the ticket: we're valuable!
M: 40 H: 44 Married 14 years S11 & D6; D20 & D19 from previous M 2BDs/PAs, 8 years apart Piecing: April 2014
Oh snap! My son is going to be 18 next month. So the thought of that... ooooooooo eeeeeeeee! (he does not what to follow these steps! although... sometimes I wonder about his dang steps!)
Bet you are one hot grannie! You valuable grannie, you.
Ok... wait.... I know, for sure, "grannie" aint cuttin it. So... hmmm.... what are you gonna go with? My aunt, who is like my oldest aunt... is called belle by her grandkids. You know like, beautiful?! Got any cool grandma names? It's so the thing.
I'm going with something that doesn't have a G in it - "Lovey" - because D18 likes it. I tried to get her to agree to "Madea" - you know, "Muh-to-tha-d@mn-D-E-A," but she ain't feelin' it. Lol!!
"Lady, I got about 27 people in my head and they was all about to beat yo' as$! I'm telling you, I'm crazy! I will burn this place DOWN!"
"Hallelujer! I am living for the Lort!"
I mean, let's be be honest: It fits. But - le sigh - D18 says no. Boo!
M: 40 H: 44 Married 14 years S11 & D6; D20 & D19 from previous M 2BDs/PAs, 8 years apart Piecing: April 2014
Mighty you sound really good! I'm so glad you are stepping back and taking time for you! Cheering you on- and cracking up at Train's posts too!!
Me 41 H 40 M 20 T 23 S 19,16, 8 D 13 BD1 dec 2012 not sure going to work BD2 sep 2013 seeking a D Filed oct 2013, D Feb 2015 Life is about daring greatly, about being in the arena- Brene Brown
Train, you've gotta go w madea. And that's all I have to say about that.
Hey daring. Thanks. I do feel better. I really can't think about their sitch- it will drive me crazy. I do get some uneasiness still, but it's much better. Heck, it's not like it is a comforting situation. So, I suppose it's to be expected.
Speaking of uneasy feelings... No good morning text today. I'm ok, but it does make me a little sad. But it's far from the end of the world. There is sometimes a moment of contemplation wondering if I should just say it (I never fell for it last year while db). I am only sharing this in case it could help someone. It is much easier to overcome that by thinking, so what? What would it accomplish if I sent it. He may respond, but it won't change is thinking or feelings. If he wants to initiate, he will.
I'm not sweating it, again, just a thought process that has been helpful to me. With that said, he is respecting my request of space. He is a guy who likes to know someone is there. He like to be in a r. He has this thing he feels he has to be. It's an abandonment thing, I presume. An insecurity. We had a discussion a little while back about how being insecure was one of the worst feelings. I hadn't ever really had it until bd. he always had, but was in MAJOR denial about it. Would have never in a million admitted it. But, he actually agreed that it is the worst feeling. Interesting convo.
But, he needs to rebuild, as do I. That needs to be done independently. Whether or not he is taking advantage of that opportunity or not is on him.
I do miss him. But it's not him now.
We have an appointment tonight w s17- all 3 of us. So I will see him tonight. Last night he came to see the kids. I was in my room. He came to tell me something. He stood in the doorway and didn't enter. He talked about work and what he had to tell me about an old friend, and other things. We were pleasant, but distant.
OK, so I'm doing a good job! But, I notice it is like re-detaching. The same emotions, sick feeling, insecurity, uneasiness, yadda.... But I know the drill. Been there, done that. I looked a little back at my firsts posts. I was actually doing well then. That was post detachment when I first started posting here. So, I am aware i went a little crazy the past two months. The feelings, however, are all too familiar. It is a wake-up call for what I could really feel if I got too carried away.
So I'm glad I have taken a large step back. Still going through some of the withdrawal feelings. But feeling better knowing what it is like to be detached. Struggle with some emotions daily, but OK.
So, I have not looked out my window at all!!!!! In fact, all week I have no idea when he has been at hww's. This is so good for me. It is a relief to not even have to think about it.
Today we met at the appt with s17. It went well. Then as we were walking to the cars, I confirmed that he was p/u d13 later and said bye. We drove home (and pulled in side-by-side... how weird he lives next door..). And that was that.
When he got to the appt, it was just the two of us waiting... he asked right away, "How are you?" He was such a chatter-box. Telling me all about work and everything.(Oh, btw... the last round of cuts was this week at his job. He is safe... so is the skank.) But he has never been the chatter box, that's been my job! But, he took charge. I engaged a little, but just to respond. Honestly, it kind of bothers me to talk about his work. Since, his boss brought him and hww over and he would tell me his boss liked to hire chicks. And they work together. And everyone sees them as a couple. And I am sure asking about the baby... whatever... I have no interest in going there right now. But he always like to talk about work, where ever it was. He is good at it. We would always talk about it... it was really the only thing he would ever talk about. The past couple months it has been a little uncomfortable for me. I have had to stop him before and tell him I don't want to talk about it.
Today was OK. I don't love it, it does remind me, but it wasn't as bad. Anyway, the dynamic is much different than last week and the weeks prior.
He did text me about s17 tonight and tried to engage a little about what was going on over at bil. Not his typical lifestyle. But quiet outside of that.
I am not sure what will ever make a change. I mean, I guess it's a wait and see kind of thing. The days just seem so long in that regard.
Train, that story about your GF is so hilarious. I have a couple of GFs here who would totally do something like that too. And they are not in their 20th anymore, they are my age.
Mighty, there is so much going on here. I keep reading and every time I find something that I could apply to my sitch. I know about re-detaching. I’ve done it a few times, I think. Every time there was some hope or “signs”, I had to re-live the whole thing again. Only recently I started to feel different. I’m amused and surprised when H is reaching out or being nice, but I go back to my own life rather quickly. I’m sure you will get to this point at some time.
How weird is it, him talking about his work when oww works there. I’m just curious how he feels going to work these days. After he left his family, divorced his wife, had a baby with oww, and now left her too. The guy must be in some kind of bubble. Either that, or he is in survival mode and doesn’t care what everybody thinks about him right now.
Mighty, stay strong and keep moving along. (((((hugs)))))
M:50 H:52 S28 (my S from previous marriage) M:17 + 3 BD: 06/12 S: 06/12 - H works in another state
I can totally feel where you are with your situation. It is very hard when you see them almost daily from a small distance. Having your H next door makes it very tough to put any distance when you are wondering where he is or what he is doing when you don't see the car there. My youngest has me giving picking up a friend on the way to school every morning. She lives in the same apartment complex as ex. So I have to pass by her place every day. You can't help but look to see if they are there or not and wonder where they are.
Yes the days seem long. You get an ants in the pants feeling that you just want something to change. You are tired of the hurry up and wait. Problem is it is out of your control. Everyone here gets that feeling and spends time squirming in their seat waiting for something to happen. I don't feel there is anything you can do except force yourself to make a change in what you are doing to move yourself forward and get something else to focus on. I am trying to do that for myself right now.
Twisting on Life's Rope Me53 W53 M20 D21 D19 D16 BD 2-2013 D final 1-2015 _________________________ "Dream about tomorrow, Live for today, Learn from yesterday"
