W just "friendly reminded" me of the reminder letter for my greencard application. "We should get that done...". She said it friendly but in a way where I know EXACTLY what she's doing here. She wants to get things over with...she seems very determined.
I'm afraid my time will be limited to make a difference. I know DBing is about me, but if my time is only limited to approximately 2 months before she will want to file for D
I'll stick with my plan for now. Although I know it's not gonna change HER so soon, there's no way. It's just gonna change ME.
Me 32 (German) Wife 28 T 3yrs M 2yrs Moved to US for W No kids BD 6/2014 In house separation Confirmed EA 1/2015 (ongoing since BD) OM not ready Real D talk started 1/27/15
Status quo these days: she's coming home at 6. I'm usually home too, doing stuff for college. I'm still too attached. I try to look as good as I can when she's here. We usually watch Netflix together for 1-2h then go to bed separately. I usually go first. She started to complain that I took "her" bedroom and "her" spot on the couch. I don't even respond. Not much communication, but friendly "vibe" but not very natural. Gone for work the next 4 days. It'll be hard but also help me to detach. I should be gone once in a while at night, study at the bookstore or something. Just detach and get away from her... Please please if someone can review the 'why are you wearing your ring' situation. In general I need some more advice on detaching and general communication during the in home separation.
Last edited by Complex; 01/22/1505:12 AM.
Me 32 (German) Wife 28 T 3yrs M 2yrs Moved to US for W No kids BD 6/2014 In house separation Confirmed EA 1/2015 (ongoing since BD) OM not ready Real D talk started 1/27/15
Hi Complex, your thread is probably about to lock, so you may want to get a new one started.
I wouldn't worry so much about the ring situation. It's simple, and all about you (not your W.) If you want to carry on wearing your ring, do it. If you don't want to, take it off.
I stopped wearing my wedding ring at BD. I normally take it off at nights anyway, and just couldn't bear to put it on again. It's a very personal choice and some people want to wear it, some don't. But, I think you're worrying too much about the interaction with your W.
In respect of her, you need to remember that nothing much is going to make anything better right now.....the main thing is to shift the focus onto you, and not make things worse with her - no pressure/pursuit. As for the rings, you had the convo, now let it go and wear/don't wear your ring, whatever is your choice.
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
My wife took rings off last week as well. It was painful to see. This was pre me confirming the affair. It hurts but it is obviously less painful for her not to wear them. She has since said she misses them and ums and rr's about putting them back on. Now the secret is out i doubt very much she will. Again there is nothing you can do. The more you push the more she will just dig her heals in. I still wear mine. I will continue to wear mine until/if we are not married any more. You need to try and stop talking to her about stuff. Just be friendly and civil. Stop worrying about what she is doing. As it stands she is checked out and you have no control over that. As hard as it is you have to focus on you. Force yourself to do anything that takes even a few minutes of your mind off this situation. keep moving forward.
Me:40 W:35 D:8 T:13 M:10 WAW: 7/14 PA Discovered: 1/15 at least 6 months Moved out and moved on
Me 32 (German) Wife 28 T 3yrs M 2yrs Moved to US for W No kids BD 6/2014 In house separation Confirmed EA 1/2015 (ongoing since BD) OM not ready Real D talk started 1/27/15
My wife took rings off last week as well. It was painful to see. This was pre me confirming the affair. It hurts but it is obviously less painful for her not to wear them. She has since said she misses them and ums and rr's about putting them back on. Now the secret is out i doubt very much she will. Again there is nothing you can do. The more you push the more she will just dig her heals in. I still wear mine. I will continue to wear mine until/if we are not married any more. You need to try and stop talking to her about stuff. Just be friendly and civil. Stop worrying about what she is doing. As it stands she is checked out and you have no control over that. As hard as it is you have to focus on you. Force yourself to do anything that takes even a few minutes of your mind off this situation. keep moving forward.
Take off your rings too and don't talk about it. Wearing her ring makes her feel guilty. I was the WAS in a past life. It is conflicting and when you take it off you feel relieved from having to be responsible to it....
The best thing my LBS could have done at that time was cheated on me and didn't request my attention. I would've been analyzing who it is, what it is about them, and when I discovered it was a slimy affair like my own could not justify what I was doing.
Take off your ring, but don't make a big deal about it. Maybe carry it in your pocket so you can see it or wear it around your neck for now...
