Sorry for your pain, Jan. This is all really new for you. It's a huge adjustment and especially with two young children. You must be exhausted! While we each must own our responsibility in the end of any relationship, the reality is that one person made the choice to step outside the sanctity of that bond...and it wasn't you! Often the ex wants be "friends",which helps alleviate their guilt and by pushing that they are negating the feelings that their choice has inflicted on the other party. YOU don't have to be her friend...but you do have to co-parent. I would concentrate on building a healthy co-parenting partnership. Whatever the issues between you were it's the kids that matter the most now. If a friendship ever takes hold it will do so through what happens in building the co-parenting roles. You might just say that you aren't ready to be "friends" but you are ready to co-parent together. You have the right to heal in your own way and in your own time. Your partner chose what she feels was best for her and now it's your turn. I hope this helps.
I've been catching up on my Sabbath School lessons tonight for Saturday. We are studying the book of Proverbs and each lesson this week is pretty much on adultery. Should be a fun Sabbath School lol!
Im so happy there is a God everyday. Seriously wondering what is up with people. Humans are so messed up? I couldnt do what I do if God wasnt watching over me everyday. Say a prayer for me
M 53 D 20 Separated 6/22/11 moved out 10/24 Together 26 yrs Married 16 W Filed for D 7/21/11 Served 9/6/11 D final 8/28/12
“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”
Right! I am not friends with people who lie cheat and steal, especially when it deals with me and my children. At most I will be cordial at drop offs and pick ups. Unbelievable the gall.
I too am happy there is a God and there is so much to be thankful for. I am realizing that more each day. I too have reconnected with my faith and it helps me get through this nightmare.
Take your time Jan. Be good to you right now. There's lots of time to look back and evaluate what you could have done differently. You will be amazed at the people who will step up and be there for you during this time...some you never imagined and others who you haven't even met yet! There are so many out there (and here!) who have lived your pain and will help you heal your wounds and at the same time continue to heal their own. No matter what crap society feeds you about how "this happens to everyone" as though it's a case of the flu, it's one of the most traumatic events that will ever happen to you. It's not just "one of those things"! So keep us posted!
I'm very touched today. I took the bus to church which took 1.5 hours. After church pastor and his wife both basically told me that they are picking me up on Saturday mornings. At lunch one of our elders told me "Whatis, you get yourself here and one of us will get you home". We went to sing at a nursing home in the afternoon and two people offered to drive me home afterwards...which is at least half an hour drive each way for them. A fellow church member took me home for the afternoon and we had coffee and a lovely talk and then headed to a social committee meeting. Afterwards pastor and his wife drove me home. I was once told "Adventists take care of each other" and I'm certainly feeling that. A full twelve hour day but a wonderful one. In the two weeks I have been without a car I've been blessed with a growing intimacy with my church mates and certainly feeling cared for. That's a heck of lot of good stuff! Oh and church lady and I shared the same ride to the nursing home and she said "Hey Whatis, you should have no problem finding a girlfriend there!" Some just things never change lol.
I wrote this today after witnessing an amazing sunrise on my way to work on the bus. It's my...
Ode To Not Having a Car
Because I don't have a car I watch the sun rise each day Because I don't have a car I save $2 a day on coffee Because I don't have a car I walk up the stairs at the train station Because I don't have a car I've discovered my church loves me Because I don't have a car I deepened a friendship Because I don't have a car I've discovered winter hats and gloves Because I don't have a car I've learned to navigate the YRT Because I don't have a car I've deepened my resilience Because I don't have a car no gas, no insurance and no repair bills Because I don't have a car I've discovered express buses Because I don't have a car I'm at work early...in fact, real early! Because I don't have a car I have time to do my devotionals Because I don't have a car I shop less Because I don't have a car I get to appreciate the beauty of women on public transit Because I don't have a car I discovered the world won't end!
