Pregnant w H who doesnt want it and had affair

[Karma12]

Find out what your rights are. Sock away some money while you plan your future.
Even if you stay in the marriage and and protect yourself financially.

[happy1]

He is not in a MLC, imho...this man has always acted this way, based on your posts.
Stay in the marriage while you act as if everything is fine(ish). Let him do whatever he wants to do, which he will do anyway.

I think of this like Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise like....tell only the people you need to, no friends, just those that need to know.

Get a plan together that allows you to stock money, search for a place near your mom, plan for the future without him which will be 7-9 months after baby is born, know your rights(as karma says) and protect your self physically and financially. While you are doing this you can observe him and see what happens and continue your current GAL plan. That may be enough for you take on at this point...only you can tell.

[Mom22]

I have received 2 counceling calls on DB from my friend (who is practically a saint), she donated them to me. When my husband goed dancing this weekend i will call. Do i make an appointment or can i just call anytime?

[Mom22]

Oh and i booked my first house viewing today, for next week. He knows cause i need to borrow his car for it.
Today he said (by imessage) that he just doesnt want to nor is able to put anymore energy in this relationship. And he is sorry because he knows I see it and it is hard for me. I replied its not that hard for me anymore, but its difficult to see him struggle with himself. And that Im still willing to work on us but he has to weigh what his family is worth versus his freedom. Its up to him. And lets try to make it pleasant when we re together (like tonight when we go to a dance show he booked a few weeks ago) and see what happens.
Im now preparing a 180-exit.
Im doing ok today but it remains hard. I want my kids to have a family but a MLC can take years.

[Ahoy]

mom, at least you'll have your kids. Please don't tolerate his emotional abuse. Find chump lady online. You are not alone. Protect yourself, see a lawyer, figure out your rights.

[Mom22]

Thanks.
We went to a previously booked dance show at a theatre tonight. It was beautiful and he held my hand the whole time and hugged me after. Its so hard to not have expectations but from what I read i should prepare for a backlash. Pffff.

[Ahoy]

Oh, my H was affectionate with me too. It doesn't mean he's not seeing someone else and just stringing you along because he doesn't want to look like the bad guy and he still enjoys the attention you give him. But he is not looking out for you.
My H finally admitted his affair months down the line, after taking me to dinners and being friendly and affectionate. So please don't read too much into it. He might just want to keep you in line to keep you from being litigious.

[Mom22]

So 2 night ago he came home at 3 and admitted he d been having another affair. With a girl who turns out to have Borderline syndrome. I stayed calm and showed no emotions while he cried. Next morning he hugged me seversl times and said he didnt know why he was throwing the best thing in his life away like this. Asked if i would be ok with going to a sexuologist (as he feels im not adventurous enough). I said sure.
But in the afternoon he said he was going dancing w her on Sunday and maybe staying the night to say goodbye but 'nothing woukd happen'. I daid do whatever you want but I am NOT ok with this.
Im just so pissed off. He was supposed to drop me and our daughter off at the train station on Monday but made a big deal out of maybe he cant. He finally caved when i put my foot down but he s just taking zero responsability.
Im trying to book more house viewings. I dont think he s actually going to be there for the baby more than occasionally. He might as well pay his own bloody bills with me living elsewhere.

[MCS]

Mom22,

This is called cake eating. I.e. He can have his A and also have you when he feels he needs some support (emotionally, sexually, financially, etc.)

You'll see it's a pretty common thing on here and reeks Havoc on a LBS. Especially because it looks like what we crave, some closeness from our spouse. Biggest way to see if it's poo-poo or not is consistent actions. If he's close to you then goes out with someone else, cake eating.

My heart goes out to you and your kids in all of this, I read your story and literally wish I could jump through the Internet and just give you a hug, you have a lot to deal with. However you found this website, it was for a reason. Read through here and you'll find some comfort that you are not alone in your struggles.

I agree with others that unless H has a life change, the behavior and manipulation he has done to you is inexcusable. All of us in here have tried or are still trying to 'convince' our spose to change or see their actions, etc. If you read the vets posts, you'll see it's futile. The only way they can change is if they decide themselves.

As much as you probably don't feel it, you are in control of you and your DD. Make a plan, even if you don't follow it, you'll see that you can make this work. Let him stumble around and see what he lost.

Take care of yourself. It's so easy to stop eating, sleepless nights, constant musings. I lost 30lbs in the first 6 weeks without even trying. Since you are pregnant, make sure that the baby comes first and don't allow this to happen. Get sleep, force yourself to eat, talk to others to keep your sanity.

[Mom22]

Thank you MCS. I hope you are well. Ypur signature gives away your own personal drama. Im so sorry.
Yesterday and today were my first real despair-days. How can someone justify still being married and living together with their pregnant wife and staying the night w OWno2 to 'say goodbye'? My DD was crying when I had to tell her daddy isnt coming home tonight. I couldnt explain why causr I dont want to lie to cover his cheating backside.
My friend donated 2 phone sessions to me so im trying to make an appointment tonight (lots of time diff between here and US).
Im wondering what they will say. Besides moving on I really just dont see any options anymore.