...and lastly, D17 applied for University yesterday. She's decided to stay home and apply to university's within the city. I told her she's welcome to apply elsewhere but if so, she'll be footing the residence bills 'cuz we don't have the money. She decided that she doesn't want a huge debt when she graduates and has two jobs within the city so she's staying here. She's also going to apply to Colleges but that deadline is the end of the month. That's it for me.
That's awesome about your D17. How wonderful that she's mature enough to work within your financial boundaries and make it work. I'd be really proud of that kid. Musta got it from her dad.
Betsey
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
WII, I think your D is a smart cookie. But you were right to give her options but let her know your limits. Besides - you get to keep her at home a little longer. Enjoy!
D17 said that although all her friends are applying to go out of town and it would be fun she's decided she doesn't have to be like everyone else. She's always been the down to earth one of my two girls. She looks at reality and makes choices based on that not on only what she wants. She's always been a child who when things don't go her way she has a cry and then says "what can I do to make the best of this situation". I remember after her first shot at the Ontario Gymnastics Championships in Windsor where she bombed. Voldy and I were so concerned about what to say to her and how to help her through this poor performance. As we left the arena we asked her how she felt about what had happened and she replied "Well, I didn't do very well. I'll have to practice harder and come back and do better next year. Now, can we go to McDonald's?"That's my kid.
Great attitude! Reminds me of my Ashley. She won a tv talent contest (Today's Talent Time if you remember that show). She was tired - had performed and taped the show all weekend. It was sponsored by Kraft Foods. At the end of the day - they gave her a bag full of goodies, some nice gifts and a scholarship. She practically started jumping up and down because there was pudding in the bag! They are still kids at heart!
I have been recommended to contact you as it seems our sitchs are similar. I feel like I will be divorced this year. My wife is in love with another and wants out. It was sudden and I was devastated but getting better. Would you care to share your story and advice?
Hi Jan, I'm not sure when you say "another" whether you mean a man or a woman? My W began an affair with another woman for all the usual reasons anyone starts an affair. I knew about it for sure about a year before I ended the marriage. She had been complaining about me for years before that (I didn't know she was involved with someone else at the time) and I tried to address the issues e.g. you're not romantic enough, you don't listen well, you don't help plan weekend activities etc. No matter what I did, it made no difference. I discovered DBing and it saved me. It helped me take a different approach when this wasn't working. It helped me become a fuller more attractive person and was key in me successfully moving on.I also became a person of Christian faith which was an incredible support during this difficult period (and still is!). Finally, when I couldn't deal with it anymore I gave her an ultimatum, to give up the OP or our marriage was over. She chose to end it. We now successfully co-parent and have a fairly good relationship. Am I anywhere close to addressing your situation?
We are a same sex couple. We have been together 20 years now and have a s9 and d6. On our 19th anniverssary, she told me she was in love with another woman and wanted an open relationship. I said no and went into shock basically.
We separated when she told me the affair became physical and she moved out in Oct 2014. It is now Jan 2015 and she has told me she is done with me and how unhappy she has been with me and how I haven't been there for her emotionally. I am dumbfounded. We just renewed our vows last year at her request.
Her affair has completely rewritten our marriage and everything about it. I am demonized and everything that was wrong was my fault. Yes, I could have been a better listener, yes I could have been more emotionally connected, I admit that freely and have told her that.
She wont give up the other woman who is also married with two kids. The other woman lives in SF and we live in LA. They see each other monthly but for only a couple days at a time. She gave up a full time wife, full access to her kids, her house to be a part time girl on the side to someone who is married and doesn't live here.
I have filed for legal separation for protection for myself and our kids. I will then decide if I want to move it further along to a D or not.
My wife wants me to accept her decision and to be friends. I don't think I can do that, at least not now.
I am trying to learn from the DB Boards and have in fact learned a lot about being a better person and more open to life in general and letting people in. I must admit that trusting someone again is going to be very very hard for me.
My goals are
listen more and deeper become more present in the moment, and not so focused on the future lighten up have more fun with my kids and be a better Mom
