I just finished a fantastic weekend visiting my young (17 yr old) cousin in VA. Went snowboarding with her. VA is so beautiful, maybe the most beautiful place I've ever been. I've been there before but it just really sank in this time, and that's without any leaves on the trees! It has big mountains, but they are kind of spaced out. So the roads are still kind of straight, and you always have panoramic views, not just mountains on all sides of you (although I like that, too). Anyway, it was an excellent weekend, perfect weather, etc. GAL: 100%. Detach: 100%.
WAW is now initiating almost all of our convos and texts. And it's not like it's my plan for that to happen, because I still don't know if I want to work on it with her (IF she did with me). Who knows if she's actually reconsidering, but it does show that pulling back does draw them in. Almost immediately after I did, if there has been any pursuit, it's from her to me. Of course, the timing of my detach happened simultaneously with her OM dumping her.
Friday night, she was supposed to pick up D2 from my mom's house (I was already on the road). Predictably, WAW called to cancel/delay until Saturday. I presumed it was so she could drink, take meds and sleep in. I was not happy about it, but I wanted to make sure it wasn't for a legit reason. Here was the brief convo:
Me: Why? WAW: Why does it matter? That was the schedule. I'm not ditching her for a date, if that's what you're asking Me: You agreed on a new schedule. I've already left town. Contact my mom WAW: Fine
Maybe I shouldn't have asked "why" (no, I wasn't wondering if she had a date). But I was proud of the second response. Before I would have been MNG and caved immediately, even would have called my mom for her and maybe even made up an excuse. I just stated a couple of facts and let her deal with it. And I didn't respond to the "fine" when I would have chased after that in the past.
A little while later, she apologized and explained that she was having a "very emotional day" and she didn't want D2 to see her crying again. I validated then let it go. The rest of the weekend she texted me pics of D2 and I shared a really funny story from my trip
Last edited by Card29; 01/19/1505:20 AM.
Me 38, WAW 30 D11 (former marriage) S2 T 8 years M 3 years BD 8/20/23 S 8/20/23
I LOVE the Card29 v2015! Really, you're handling this like a vet. GALing like a terminal patient and dealing with the WAW like a remarried man. There's no more pursuing, no more Mr. Nice Guy. Really, it's just fantastic to see. Keep at it and keep posting because you're an inspiration.
M39 D6 D3 (at S) S 2014-09 D 2016-09
"You can't start a fire sitting around, crying over a broken heart" - Bruce Springsteen.
Sounds like you had a fantastic ski trip Card. How are you feeling these days?
Excellent! Honestly, I feel like myself for the first time in a long, long time. I forget if it was in DR or just vet advice here, but whenever I heard "become who you were when you met your spouse", I thought that didn't apply to me because I felt like I hadn't changed. I'm realizing now that I had sort of become a shell of myself. I was not always a MNG. WAW's aggressive personality made me shy away, and over time that really affected my personality. I'm not blaming her for that. It will take a lot of time and effort, but I feel like I'm going to get rid of the MNG crap but still be loving and kind.
Also, I sang for almost the entire 10 hr drive home today, and now my voice is hoarse. I don't know what came over me, but when I drove through, WV, I had to sing along to Country Roads. Not sure why, because I've never liked John Denver. At first I only knew the chorus. After I had sang it for the 15th time (probably not exaggerating), I knew the whole song lol!
I'm on cloud nine and that is WITH the speeding ticket I got at the WV/VA border lol
Me 38, WAW 30 D11 (former marriage) S2 T 8 years M 3 years BD 8/20/23 S 8/20/23
Thanks Mozza and Ss! You will be joining me soon, I'm sure. Maybe not singing John Denver songs, though. I know he's not for everybody. And I did find out that I really only like that one song of his. I tried to sing with Rocky Mountain High but I wasn't into it lol. So back to "almost heaven, West Virginia!" lol that is going to seem so silly tomorrow when I remember why I can't talk. I have meetings tomorrow too.
Card29: Boss, I can't give the presentation Boss: are you sick? Card29: nah, it was John Denver.
Me 38, WAW 30 D11 (former marriage) S2 T 8 years M 3 years BD 8/20/23 S 8/20/23
Card, you know what??.. I've only just realised that our sitch's have an almost identical timeline, we joined within a month or so of each other and the ages aren't far off either.. It's only taken this long haha!!..
Anyway, it seems like we are both getting to that same kind of a detached space and it feels good doesn't it??.. You said your move seemed to coincide with the end of OM R, and I have seen mine was when I found out about NBF.. It seems like OM's are a bit of a trigger haha!!..
Keep up the good work.. I look at people like yourself for my own inspiration!!..
Me:35 W:31 S6 + S9 T: 10 years M: 7 years BD: 7/2014 S: 8/2014 W has new BF: 12/2014 Still fighting the good fight!!..
Wow, you're right about our sitches being almost identical! So you're reach detachment, too? Heck yes, it feels great
As far as my WAW's OM and my detachment, it was just a coincidence, or possibly divine intervention as I don't know if I could have handled that knowledge while I was thoroughly attached. I had my "lightswitch" moment about a week before WAW admitted to her A that had ended 2 weeks prior.
Me 38, WAW 30 D11 (former marriage) S2 T 8 years M 3 years BD 8/20/23 S 8/20/23
