Where were you all the previous months and months when TO was posting?
I wish you would take off your lawyer hat once in a while.. I've been posting to TO for quite some time, so the competition issue you mention is your issue and not mine. You are the one who suddenly is posting on this thread, not me.
Since you aren't a man and I am, then I would and do know more about what men think and how they respond to women like TO than you do. Her anger is a non issue. It does seem to be an issue you had. I am glad you worked on it.
I also have many male friends and have observed and talked deeply and privately about men things for quite some time. So I do know what I am talking about. That seems to ruffle your feathers. Well, I am here to tell you that I am not here to please you and I am not here to be another defendant in another court case. Please take the lawyer hat off.
I told TO how to get her husband to respond because I do know what men like her husband think and I know how they act and I know what they respond to.
And no, my advice is not the same as your advice. You don't get to set the reality here.
You came on this thread way late, so I do question where YOU have been for so long.
For all your talk about your growth and such, your post to me today certainly came across as rude and not necessary. Sounds like I hit a nerve because you don't like to hear those things. There are plenty of men on this site now and have been on here over the years that found out the hard way what happens when a woman does what I have suggested to TO...
I guess you want to take over here from what your posts read to me. Don't know where you were all those months before, but now you come barging in and take over. I guess you know more about what I think as a man than I do. I guess you know more about what a man like TO's husband will respond to than a man who know what men like him think. That's what it sounds like..
I would think women would be interested in how to get these types of men to respond....
Well I dont know if something inappropriate is going on but I feel at this point would MC really hurt?
I mean I don't know that I would necessarily ask him to go maybe just put it out there without expectations as a temp check?
Any thoughts?
Go ahead and tell him you are going and it's ok to ask him if he would like to come. "I scheduled a counseling appointment and I would like us to go together. It is for Wednesday at 7:00 pm. What do you think?"
That would be fine.... Go ahead and take a temperature check. Be ready to hear no or some excuse so that you don't set yourself up too much for rejection.
And don't forget how stressed he is and all he is going through and how much your anger is destroying you..
25 has been helping all over the place. I read ALL her posts and she was here from time to time. So were Train, Wonka, occasionally Starsky, and several of the other vets.
Your posts typically showed up late because you were on moderation for so long. And I know on my thread you've been more inflammatory than helpful.
I agree with 25 that you are becoming very inflammatory here. Also I think it is unkind and misleading to tell T "how" to get her H back without helping her process how to RELATE to him and how to consider whether she even wants him back.
And I personally Do NOT take the advice of someone who uses an angry pun for his screen name, won't share his story, doesn't even use the signature block for basic information and never answers questions. As far as any of us know you could be a spotty 15 yo. But that's just me.
Please don't make T's thread a battlefield. She is a real hurting person looking for help. She deserves a little humility from the people who show up here offering support.
T, I would love to have something more directly helpful to add, but I'm a little jaded because of what I learned about my sitch on Friday night. But I want you to know that I have always been behind you and I feel like you've shown strength beyond your years most of the time. If you sometimes get a little belligerent about it... well, we all have flaws. We try to control the worst of them. I don't know how you're coming off to your husband and I don't even know if his issues have anything to do with you at all.
I think a few months ago I posted the "save myself/save my marriage" banner quote to you from Labug's thread, and I think it applies here. Nobody can tell what he's going to up and do. But whatever choice he makes, your course of action should be to be your most amazing self.
Just out of curiosity... has that potential OM made any kind of appearance since your H has been back around? is it even remotely possible that could have to do with the way things have changed?
Last edited by Maybell; 01/12/1510:46 PM.
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
I have studied her thread and what she says about the way he has acted. It isn't that difficult for a man to get caught up in a younger woman who gives him some attention. He doesn't really like his job, has to go home to his kids and boring life and he is immature. He needs some excitement and something to look forward to..
Boom.. He meets a good looking young woman. They start flirting.. His hormones kick in.. He starts secretly thinking about her mostly to escape from the everyday boredom because he hasn't learned how to channel it into another avenue...
He then starts justifying his actions in his mind...
TO doesn't understand me.. She doesn't appreciate all I do.. Meanwhile the younger other woman is trying to win this good looking "older man" over.. He now thinks he is hot stuff...
Suddenly TO is at fault for his boredom and lack of discipline and being immature..
He starts to pull away from TO and suddenly she is also chasing him.. TWO women fighting over me? WOW. I AM all of that and then some.. His mind is now on the hot young woman...
The secrecy of it all stirs their emotions..
TO, now takes the blame.. I nagged too much, I didn't appreciate him.. I shouldn't be angry because it was my fault. She tries everything to get him back.. Two women fighting over him.. A man's dream... He knows he can get TO back at any time and it isn't even a worry. She's a nag anyway...
It wasn't TO to begin with... He would have caved to the affair if she had been perfect. It was the thrill of a hot young good looking woman and his being an immature fool. He even admitted it when he was in panic after the 18 year old dumped him.. I told TO that she was going to find out that he had nothing.. No apartment, no car(his wife's stolen car)spending money he didn't have to go off on vacations to impress her.. He was going to end up with nothing but a big old child support payment and broke once TO woke up....
Then when he didn't have anybody in his life he panicked because he doesn't know how to live alone....
TO had a great opportunity to make him do the necessary work, but let him back to quickly. She had leverage and let a lot of it slip away.. He never did the work...
Now we are back to blaming TO... It wasn't her to begin with.. She will see that at some point. Her anger is actually a good thing here. Not all anger is bad. Anger is good sometimes, and in this case I believe it is reasonable...
The key is what does she do now to get this back on track....
